ok. cute guys. my recent interest=korean guys.
and passengers of my car will be subjected to my usual playlist no more. i've got sappy korean songs in stall for u.which is a rare occurrence i must say.

doodle art has taught me how to read IP address. *roll eyes*
i guess for those who love/hate me, they could simply print out my photo and stare/throw darts at it. haha
anyway that was a little entertaining. but i am a little lazy to think
these days
i can describe myself as well
a trifecta of tawdriness, schlumpy and odious looking
hahaha

friday..tomorrow..

to sum up the week=stone.emotionless.
i just want to hide under my desk in my office everyday. i don't wanta talk to anyone. i want to be left alone.. no not pms. just jaded. its called the-i dont care about u, so why should u care about me syndrome
i was staring at a seemingly non existent but interesting object in space today.when my boss asked me go out to the plant site. real bummer. cos it was raining. but yea sure.bring the zombie along. so on listening to him talk to a woman, i asked ''what alien langauge is that?''
grinning he told me it was cantonese and then told me happily in the future he can scold me in cantonese and i wouldnt know. =.=
actually i meant to ask what kind of dialect is that.somehow. i wasnt thinking right. and sounded like a bimbo. sigh

anyhow. i think i need to know some geeks from computer and electrical engineering. preferably those that carry pocket calculator around.so they can explain to me about transformer,fiber optic,breakers, routers.Ethernet.modem crap. all those cables all over the place. i wanted to tear my notebook or tear the whole control room down today. chemical engineering huh.

to divert. i find it weird people ask me if i am a Singaporean. the next time someone ask me that, i am gonna say ''no, i am from western Sahara''
maybe cos i am too fat.
either S'porean girls are looking emaciated or i am getting fat. i think its the latter. sigh.
i am glad next mon is my last HR class. and my exam is in 3 weeks time. so many things to read. no time to go out. argh.
busy but yea crys.bring me out and entertain me. sighz

too many random thoughts
too tired to post them all.
too tired to even think what i am saying

at work, my favourite activity is to terrorise my boss. when i am bored.i'll go look for him to talk.
the other day, my boss asked me to design a proposal. they are changing some network crap, hence the large amount of time i spent reading on modem, router, IP and cables. and doodling in the process. i was happily drawing tweety bird when he suddenly pops by. luckily,he didnt notice my doodle art. and goes on telling me what i am supposed to plan.

being a little(ok very) tired, i commented that the job was an easy one for me and he stared at me incredulously.
no, truth is i have no idea what he was talking about. but i just wanted to sit n stone n for him to go away. so. i guess. having spoken too fast, i am expected to hand in something constructive with minimum help(since i said it was easy, i cant possibly ask for help right? haha), which also means i am dead meat. because today he happily told me i gotta do a presentation to the big boss and other engineers.

something not so random:
I miss my pineapple tart!
sighz!

dear friends,

the next time i am late by more than half an hour,
don't smile at me.
seriously, scold me, slap me, strangle me, slam me against the wall or whatever

i mean i really do deserved to be strangled or thrown against the wall or get stamped on
today i was late...by i think close to 1.5hr
hee lala, i am really very sorry..n i feel really really bad n horrible.. u can throw me down plaza sing next time.

anyhow.watched nada sousou today. which was supposed to be a sad japanese movie that makes one cry. i did tear a little. because. damn. who can stand a cute guy crying or dying?but haha. in the end i think the movie seemed more like a comedy to us. hahahaha.ay lala ur chest n bicep very big already. dont train too hard wait die of cold virus. hahahhaha.dam morbid ending .the guy in the show worked too hard to earn $ for his sister and then died.

anyway cute not
thats the lead actor.
haha.n we had some seemingly nice looking coffee at TCC.
mine was called blanc soy latte. white chocolate with soy milk and espresso. i assumed thats why there's 3 layers of different color. haha but in the end. it felt like milo iced. hahahaha.
hee anyway had a great time today! thanks lala for the company!=)

was at some weird poem today


so love is like a dream


that often we indulge too much in the lingering bittersweet feeling of it


only to wake up and find that everything's gone, with emptiness staring at u blankly





anyhow. rubbish aside. i found a nice place i can fly away to next time,sometime.somehow.
i think they call it the teddy bear museum in korea. thats a LV bear. hah.and the other one is some bear wedding. i liked it cos i think the little boy bear is uber-cute.
isnt it a great thing in life if we can just set off to some place to hibernate once in a while, away from everyone, away from everything.to wake up in the flood of morning light without any worries.

''i can't look away, not yet,not now''

ok i am going to limit myself to 20min on the internet.
i am really wasting too much time reading unnecesary thing
my company's internet has only msn.com to read(the only webpage available. and today's topic was on marriage,infidelity,cheating on ur partner. so that was the only thing i could read. u see thats what i mean when i say i read all kinda random things which is why i say i cant spend too much time on the net. i'll read anything i click randomly.

the way things have been lately, i am still a tad apprehensive and disillusioned. about people, about life. like i was asking myself, what really is my priority in life.
i drew out some kinda plans for my future. but life really have its own twists and turns. who can expect what's gonna happen.

if i could get u off my mind for a day, i'll let go of everything

One more night, i dreamed it was a good one

there's this thing i notice.. when i was in states and ISU. that whenever the american push open the door, they turn to check to see if there's anyone behind. and if they see u, they'll hold the door for u.
and even in my company, the Caucasians are doing the same thing. today i was about 5 meters away from this Caucasian guy, and then he saw me coming n he held the door for me. on the contrary, i have not noticed any Singaporeans guy doing this. un gentlemanly... haaa

anyway. so its kinda like a habit that i learned-so whenever i push open a door, i'll check to see if there's anyone behind...
and horror of horror, today, as i turned behind......
it was cute guy 1 in his orange jacket n a new hair cut.
i think instead of holding the door, i slammed it shut. haha

kinda drained mentally recently..... like too much stuff gg through my head.. so i decided to bury myself under my piles of notes and chit chatting with people. ha my supervisor is off till the end of the week. so i am shaking leg in my office. feeling a tad of calmness finally..
and i have the new resolution to not use my laptop and the internet for a day or 2. i am wasting too much time surfing and reading random stuff. must do other things... must test my willpower. haha

grr so i did a spate of dumb things today
like deleting all my songs from my ipod. i dont know how i did it.
like 'flying down' three flight of steps. i think my ankle took a 90 degree sharp turn. i pretty much hope its fine, i mean am i suppose to twist it back the other way round? it looks fine, but i can feel some pain.haha
i just hope tomorrow, they dont make me climb any towers


emotions are over rated
i'll pick myself up, as always
to let go of memories that cause us pain.
and believe that life is still beautiful
to continue dreaming and hoping

oceans won't freeze
so loosen your heart

We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on
Can't let it bring us down
Well I'll try to do to it right this time around


Graceless, we'll lose the battle

coffee is like my best friend these days.
although seriously i think i need something more than that
because there's just too much going through my mind these days

disillusioned or disappointed? i couldn't even decipher or comprehend myself

everything falls apart
someday, somehow

from valves, i have now moved on to LAN, IP address,routers, ethernet.fiber optic.HIU(some funny host interface unit)
nothing much. just 200 pages. an new project. on an area in which i have zero knowledge.


and my 3000 words report due nxt monday.

i want to pack my bag and run away

Alright, I can say what you want me to,
Alright, I'll make it all up for you

4hrs of sleep.no not talking to lovers.
hours spent under the sun climbing up and down
i feel dead. grr. i hate sun. this sounds bimbo. but really. dont suntan. u age faster. i had enough of 12 yrs of sun. ,aybe my supervisor is right. i need sunblock lotion
maybe tomorrow i will ask to climb up the ten storey high distillation column.they say its warm up there..abt 80 degree C and the view from the top is nice.
i had to down 2 cups of coffee in the afternoon just to try to stay awake.i mean u know ur brain is not working well when u take one hour to construct a simple email to ask abt some pricing of gas. well my presentation was great. lets just say..
i prefer presentation to wearing heels.

its really horrible
my canon ixus i is really dead. which is really tragic because i really like it. its cute and nice. we went through alot, sun,rain snow and all that travelling in US. i guess i will preserve its remain.
it's horrible because it means i have to buy a new camera which also mean i am going to be broke. maybe i will just buy an ugly big bulky camera=(
and i promise to take really good care of it. i know i dont always take care of my stuff. my handphone is only 3 months old and its kinda dead cos i dropped it like 10 times already. the only thing i really take care of is my ipod. although i still haven bought a nice skin or pouch for it. haven had the time to buy the coach one. sighz.

kinda horrible. i was also searching for this pair of heels. this pair i bought in US for some grad night. n i realise its gone. i think i threw it away somehow. because on my last day of crazy packing i was throwing all kinds of things from clothes hangar to books to shoes to clothes.. and since i shop and buy at walmart whenever i am bored. haha. i actually threw away really a hell loads of stuff..its sad. i wanted to bring that pair of heels back. i wonder why i threw it away.

horror of horror. i spent my entire sunday doing project.
actually i m now pretty fine with my project mates. they seem pretty nice and really interested in my elusive love life. in which they think i have a few boyfriends because of my multiple rings. i dont know what gave them the idea but i came up with some really interesting stories. maybe next time, i'll say i am actually married with 2 kids. one called taptap. the other called taffy. (ya when i have a kid next time, thats the name.haha)
actually doing project with different people. is pretty exciting as well.. but sometimes at the extent of your grade.. but.. whatever..

well tomorrow is presentation day, doom awaits me. wish me luck. i guess i need some self confidence too.

u know u are leading a sad life
when u wake up at 6am
comes home at 12am
today was a mad rush
morning was spent reading abt GC
afternoon with some americans n indians at some meeting
came home. rush my undone project. meeting with them till 12am
ARGH! so much for a nice friday night

hahaha i ended up skyping with aloy!i realise..its been a while since we chatted for so long..almost an hour?! fun!=
take care in taiwan dude!will miss u!

uncles were talking about what kind of job i should go for when i graduate.
some discourage me from engineering. (i agree, its unglam) one say be an air stewardess or actress( thanks uncle. u flatter me but i know my own caliber only too well) .some say pharmaceutical industries.some say marry a good and rich guy(they exist?)

that life, growing up is about making decisions, and often, having options may not a good thing. but i guess. one can only decide and never look back.because no matter what choice u make. chances are u will have some regrets. because u will never know what things will be like if u had taken the second path.

that raffles is really a branding. because uncles are very impressed i came from raffles junior college. and they assume i am smart. but coming from the top college really doesnt mean much ultimately when u go to work.but i am proud to be a rafflesian.

it's amazing that these days, i am the one telling people not to worry and giving people assurance.
like the techincians got a little stressed over some stuff and i actually told him not to be so stressed and worried.
i say it is amazing because i am known to be a pessimist rather than optimist.i wonder if i was putting on a facade sometimes
but i guess, there's too many things in life we cannot control. and i dont really think about whats gonna happen in the future. because honestly, whats the point? que sera sera

''as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are''

i used to think that in this vast world, i don't need to be significant to everyone, but just to a few important people in my life..but right now..it seems it didnt matter that much anymore

with a 30 min presntation nxt monday, and 10% of it done, i am a little screwed up.
it is time like this that i miss scott little and dan olson, two projects mate i had .
scott,if any of u can recall is the cute guy who is slightly cocky(but then again he is a dean lister) and love a one man show. and who got us a 90 for our design project back in ISU. if he were in my HR project now, i can imagine him saying '' oh well, i am voluntering to do the 3000 words essay and 30 min presentation, i m sure u wouldnt mind..but if u would really like something to do, you could help me click the mouse as i present. and bring a nice file for the report''

dan(also a cute guy,also on dean list) on the other hand thinks a little too highly of me probably because i was an undergrad in the same graduate class as him. once i was semi asleep in class, he came to ask me abt some differential equations homework. which i honestly, didnt even look at(and couldnt do even if i did). but it was weird he asked me since the rest of the class were PhD students and teaching assistants. anyhow. 4 of us were in the com lab working on a biomedical project-typing a transmittal letter. and out of nowhere, he turned to look at me and asked ''Kai, do u think i am phrasing it correctly??''
anyway. dan went on with a solo 20 min presentation which he volunteered. and we got an A.

why cant there be a scott or dan in my HR group. boo hoo hoo

i foresee my weekend being taken away.
but as what the 'justin timberlake' always tell me after class--''take it easy''
no point worrying abt things u have no control over.
&as the song from LP goes''fear is how i fall''
i guess i just have to be more confident and optimistic.

work today was spent chit-chatting with uncles.
because they say the weather was too hot for me to go out to the plant. so i just stayed in the air-conditioned control room.
someone told me. he liked my smile and giggle. (someone like me metallic smile.??ahaha but dont laugh at me la. a couple of months more i'll have nice teeth than u! ) and hehehe what is so nice about a giggle?
was climbing the stairs when this (old)caucasian in business suit smiled and say hi. i nearly rolled down the stairs
weird day.............

sometimes its getting really hard keeping my cool
but i'll choose not to dwell or talk about it
one thing for sure that you are capable of, it's ruining my day. that i wouldn't mind, but when u go to the extend of ruining that of my friends', that's what i cannot stand

one thing for sure also, it's that you are outta my life
maybe there was a time where u meant a lot to me, but now, i can say for sure, u mean nothing to me.

but i will not give in to angst and hatred

''you get down, get real low down''

nothing you say will get me down.. i am basking in this fleeting love and happiness as you call it, but i have no regrets, for love to me is simple yet a little crazy and impractical. i am not afraid of giving all my heart to someone and getting hurt. but i 'll also let go of someone if i feel he will be better off for there's only so little i can do. and after all.. everything is ephemeral

i love pineapple tart

that one day if i get thrown off the cliff
it would be because
1) i like to say unconventional and weird stuff, with sarcasm
2) that i don't really reply to sms or pick up calls.that being my phone is silent 90% of the time.
3) but the main reason would be because, i am perpetually late
yesterday, i was only late for an hour. luckily the person waiting kept his cool. haha
its like. the other time. i was late by 1 and a half hour to meet crys , sharon and xh
and i have done some self reflection to find out why i am always making people wait for me
its like. if u tell me. meet at orchard at 6pm, i'll start preparing to leave the house at 5.55pm. the sense of urgency only sink in 5 minutes before the meeting time.
i know its really horrible. i'll figure a way out of this.


i took one last glance at you
i'll remember u for your smile
and respect u for all u have done for us
for you will always live in our heart and memories

~ to miss chan ~

they always say.cherish the people around you before its too late
but how many of us actually live by that?
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?

nothing beats good food and good company on a slow friday night
this seemingly un-appetizing jap meal cost me a whopping..40 bucks
and it was the 1st time i ate sashimi
was hard getting past the psychological barrier of eating raw stuff..
1st time i explored the west side of singapore, where i discovered a park with rather cool stuff. like flying fox and a funy rope maze thing that allows one to climb up to abt 5-10 metre above the ground
i am a country bumpkin.

central park in new york....i miss the serenity, the sheer calmness of walking down the park ..breathing in the fresh air .imagining walking it with the one i love, i miss the carefreeness i felt in my heart then


away from this mess..this rampant chaos lurking..i'll walk away

there are things in life where u don't always have a second chance
and i don't believe in looking back at decisions i make
is there steadfast love?
it seems to be that the only thing constant in this world is change


regrets in life are something we all have to live with
we can't always wallow in the past