yay! 2 tests nxt week!
i m kinda immune. a tad of nochalant.
everyone everything seems far away


drove to bugis today. bugis's rather boring leh. nothing to look at.so i left in less than an hour. but in less than an hour, the damage was done. cos i ate alot. i dunno. i just keep eating alot these days. but on junk food.

yea i was hit by blue bug the past few weeks...but i guess..talking to pple has helped. n thanks.to friends. who talked to me. who msg me. its funny. how sometimes. the pple i end up whining to aint those who are closest to me n who are beside me.

hmm. no cute guys at bio lecture today. nothing really interesting. all we learnt was naming organism. stuff like homo sapiens..i think some guy named a beatle after Bush and called it something-bushi.
aniway. the cute guys wasnt realli that fantastic also. he was a tad too short.

& aniway contrary to popular belief that engine has a lot of guys, n henceforth u wld expect alot of cute guys, i m sad to announce that no, dun haf. haha. prob jus a small handful..any engineering guys reading this pls dun be sad. u are the small handful=P.
and anyhow. who cares abt cute guys. i have more important agenda on hand. like..... reading mcmurry organic chemistry.epoxides.ether.benzene.kailing.alky halide. miss low. will prob kill me if she knew. how her efforts(remedial classes! haha) has come to nought. n her horror student has now,proven to be disastrous in organic chem again.=(

ok last one. i hoped i haf included everyone.. though i haf left out some intentionally..i juz randomly clicked la. hahaha yea if u press fer e enlarged version. i think the pics look quite ugly..oh well... no more collage. i got bored liao. haa 

haa there are no connectivity in e photos...... juz fer fun la hur... 

dam chio rite! i hate to say this. but lala n tap tap are so chio!! too bad no taffy n ruggie=( 

random pics
from e past.
this collage thing is so cool.
last time i dun look so much like a ghost.
one of these days i shall take a photo of myself now n scare the daylight out of u guys 

because i alr look very terrible n ugly. i dun wish to scare more pple by posting my pics. n so...i din include my individual shots 

feeling down e past few days.
been thinking thru alot of stuffs too.dunno if it has made me feel better or worse. thus explaining fer the extreme mood swings
how much i keep wondering
if i m living it right. doing things i really want to do. and asking myself wat the hell am i doing
and till now i dun haf an answer
sometimes i lament at my own lack of determination. n e inability to take up challenges n risks. like i always so many goals n dreams. but i never set myself up to achieve them

n then this sense of hollowness n emptiness in me. n the life i m leading. its all about books. i cant even remember myself doing anything else other then that. at least in e past, i still train. where have all my time gone to. n its not like i m doing very well in school either. like i said. i mugg to catch up,not to b ahead. i m barely hanging on myself most of the times.pure mugging isnt the kind of uni life i haf wanted or expected.i always wanted some kind of uni life too other than books n just books. but the question is. do i really have the determination to achieve wat i want? m i willing to change the kind of life i m leading.. people always say once u have set ur mind on something, u will be able to achieve it. maybe........... maybe one day. i will try to make a difference. no. not maybe. i will do something abt it. soon. but my enthusiasm probably follow that of a bell shape curve too. i haf to make it into a increasing exponential curve 1st.

sometimes. its really tiring and tough. having so many expectations to live up too. esp that of parents....

and i rembered a few post back where i complained. abt friends, relationship, parents... that i fall short of looking at myself n how i treat them. n i haf to say. i fail very badly in the above roles as well... maybe life is really about learning........ experiences....... i still have so much more to learn.. n i really need to be more open to new ideas n stop living in my own world all the time. be more supportive of others. friends. family. relationship. i need to take into more account the feelings of others when i do or say stuffs........... n that all kinds of relationship.involves giving. not just taking

yea. most of u probably wouldnt understand wat the hell i m getting at..it doesnt really matter..... these days... i blog fer myself.......
the irony is that having said so much, i haf to start some mugging now. yea weekly tests.... n one more point. i need to take things more lightly..........
if i can. i will.

yea
blogger loves me
juz as i feel messed up enuf
i lost a long post

=(
so i m not gonna retype it


aniway. toking abt karma. everything. goes.full circle.
having criticised many unknowns. fer ghastly dress sense. i have friends. who tell mi. my dress sense is too boring. yea. i agree. but it doesnt really matter. honestly since i put on braces. i hadnt care much abt how i look. and might as well look worse. i m gonna b an old hag n scare every guy off. yea n right now. i m in a self created doldrum again. n i dun realli care abt anything in particular.nothing seems to matter. not anymore

anyway. i realise. its actualli pretty easy if one wants to get noticed in engineering.
wear a 11 inch mini skirt n expose meat. haha. n before u know it. u r the object of everyone;s gossip. haha. so if one seeks cheap thrill. go to engineering. or better still. dress like that ghost gal in white. sure get noticed one. haha mayb one day i will do just that. right.

salicylic acid.organic chem. so cool. i made salicylic acid in lab. n i realised today. that a lot of facial pdts contain salicylic acid.

oh great
spend cow years on a crap biochem assginement. dumb veri dumb

yea
fri is cute guy day
we had same open lab together looking at mutant flies
then we took the same lift
and then i found another cute guy in lecture

today;s lecture is more interesting
there was a girl.in white dress knee length.white shoes.drapped with a long white shawl.long hair. u can imagine, she looks like she juz came from fright night.
n then meaty gal if u all still remember exposed her meat again. but i realli shdnt be laughing cos i haf alot of meat too.haha
n den the lecturer is dam crappy. he said u shdnt let a horse point its foot at u.
the reason is lame. cos evolution has it that the foot evolved from its middle toe. so if a horse point its toe at u.its akin to poiinting the middle finger at u.. dumb hur.
but i remember when i was young. i used to like reading abt animals. u know.animal Encyclopedia.. ya. i was weird since young.

slacking time is over
slacked yesterday. tok to all my long lost buddies. i hope my phone bill these days dun die. been making like hr long phone calls.
but i missed everyone. the other day found yip kai's paddle.ok sorry yipkai. i will return the paddle to u. on ur wedding day.
today went shopping..... but i love the stuff i bought. zara has nice t-shirts
n i like faded denim! but i prob wun wear them.to sch. who cares abt sch. i hate sch. i will dress my worse. my auntie wear. my flooding pants to sch. i dun care.
n somehow... i still find this lingering sinking feeling...each time i think abt...sch.sigh

its been one hell of a week
here i m sitting in front of my com
looking at the answer sheet of the test i have just taken.....
as usual. i know. i screwed up. not surprising.
as usual. i m gonna tell myself not to look back n focus on the final exam. n i have tried my best.
but i jus couldnt help but feel extremely demoralised..................and somewhat dumb. no not somewhat. extremely dumb.
and den the tests are over.no big deal
bcos i am behind time for so many lectures.tons of stuff waiting to b done
i need a break...... i feel somewhat zombie-like. disorientated. brain not functioning well.maybe dats y i always clay my tests. not enuf slp. brain not working. but there is no time for rest.
feeling extremly down today. n then i thot of crystal.......... crys u happy not. i think of u when i m sad. u can b my lover alr.
haiz
n den after that i started walking ard nus alone.

haiz
is there anything that can cheer mi up now??
=(

ok sorry aloy.
i cant join u guys tmr. haiz. i m beginning to wonder if my time management skills is realli bad..haiz..niway..loy loy,BOTAK head, take care n hope to see yer soon.
haiz. nxt week is a veri interesting week fer me. with 3 tests. 2 labs. 1 undone assignment due.

will b gone fer a week or so........... to the land of books. after which next fri. i will declare fer myself. mid-sem-fri break. if i can survive mon-thur. n finsh my assignement.
take care all!

so to de-stress
today in school. i looked at cute guys. ya. today no more looking at meaty girls.before u all think i look at girls n wonder if i m straight or not.
today i look at guys. i finally found one very cute guy. who came to sit at the same row as me but at e aisle. n.cos my friend was late .so for some time. he was 'next' to me. 'next' bcos there were a few empty seats btw us. HAA duh.
cute guy dun listen to lecture. he just keeping using his laptop n flexing his arms around.maybe he likes his muscular arms. must show off.
cute guy also have nicely styled hair with some ah beng colour
and cute guy also got pierced ear. but i have more piercings.so i win. 6-1. i win.
cute guy drives cute car to school. i noted down e plate number.lol
ok. instead of helping pple to look out for hot babes nxt time, i will instead look out for guys myself. since its only normal and ok to do so as u all claim. hehe


yesterday before i slpt. i thought abt this funny incident. when i was in j1. when i was e ct rep. there was once. when there was some inter fac sports meet in which attendance was compulsory. n which kl as usual decide not to go. and on that fateful day itself, i was happily in my room thinking how smart i was to pon when e civics tutor, our dear miss koh called me. so she goes " kailing, can u help me take attendance of those who are here." ya here as in in school. haha. so poor kailing has to take a dumb class list to school(bedok to buona vista) to give it to her. n OBvioUSLY onli 1/3 of e class was there.n i also i dreamt abt how one of my 6B classmate.ok shall not mention name. came to be attached to one of my uni friends. hahaha signs of gg bonkus.

there are just days. i get so out of control of myself

read a ex DHS classmate blog.
ok. i m really somewhat DETached from the world since this mid term break.

apparently. there was MID AUTUMN festival celebration fer ex-dumanians at DHS. free buffet.mayb free mooncake.and hoho out of my class of 36 pple, only 4 din turn up. no prize if u manage to guess who was one of the 4..

DETACHED is the word. because. i just casually ignore email.sms. even msn. no. not chao mugging. i just feel.............. i dunno how to say............insignificant to others .as they are to me.

crap aside. mayb i shd tok abt my dunman days since it seems i onli reminisce about my rj n swimming days
DHS has e unique feature of celebrating MOONCAKE FESTIVAL. so i remember gg to school at NIGHT to celebrate mooncake festival. i think. they played some riddle crap n treasure hunt. honestly i cant really remember what we did. mayb eat mooncake n talk n admire the moon. ok. and we celebreate national day by having cross country.so every year the not so little kailing contend herself by running her heart out to get into the top 20 just so she can bring a lousy trophy home to celebrate national day with it.dumb hur? ask me to cross-country now i rather jump into e river. dun realli hold much memories abt my dunman days. y oh y? except mayb pretending to sing the national anthem every morning lest i get called n humiliate by the discipline master.

now. back to the whole load of stuffs i have CREATED fer myself to do
nitez world
i hope. i dun slp at 5am today

oh yea
so yesterday night was disaster again
mayb somethings's wrong with me.
r maybe its the mircosoft excel that perks me up too much
thou rather not dwell on it too much

aint there times i wish there is someone i can turn to

family-who are there but dun know what kind of life i m realli gg thru
relationship-probably 2 separate entities living in our own world
friends- who seem so far away sometimes

yea
a gloomy post
all i see is the silhouette of gloom with some textbooks


midterm. is it over alr. are we back to school.a folllow-the leader world. around pple.who seem so different.whose life i will nvr fit into n wld never want to.
follow the leader. so fun wasnt it. during swimming trg. when e leader turn. u turn. how it applies in uni. shall not elaborate

so feeling bored today i logged on to friendster. after a few month hiatus.
friendster nvr fail to make mi laugh out loud
there was this guy.a 3rd yr student frm NUS MEDICINE. who sent me a msg.
haha. makes mi wonder. wat kind of doctor he will b nxt time.
i guess. he will enjoy making friends with his female patients
ok. cannot b mean
shd b happy. gooD catch right. i think i shd recommand zihua to him. haha

i m becuming so critical these days hur.
i derive entertainment looking at pple during lecture n criticsiing them
like. today when mi n one of my guy friend almost puked at this girl.sitting in front of us. she keeps bending down to get her stuff n in the process, expose her veri meaty body n waist. n as i was bending down to get my bag(gasp! i hope i din expose any unsightly parts). i saw th ebutt crack(unintentionally) of her friend. EWW! low waist hipster.a big nono unless u wear them right
n since as karma would have it. one day. pple will laugh n puke at me too
my dress sense is getting realli awful.mayb i shd start paying more attention to the way i dress n not be so sloppy. i mean. gals my age. all seems so well groomed.they all dress up well n put make up. or haf nice accessories. so who m i to laugh at pple.
anywway during lecture. the lecturer was toking abt how mutations causes cancer
its like. being exposed to sun too often
uv light can cause mutation in ur cell's chromosome n DNA n cause the cell to kinda go haywire n rapidly multiply
so butt crackgal goes like"aiyo.how"
to which meaty waist gal said "thats y nxt time i think we must put more sunblock"
haha

crap aside
mid term 'break'
it doesnt feel like a hols
i haf 3 test awaiting after that
n i feel like i haf so much stuff to do
or mayb i m mentally stressing myself out
so many stuffs..gg thru my mind these days
i just feel..like screaming out loud

didnt realli sleep a wink yesterday. somehow it seems my mind was filled with schoolwork n my brain refuse to rest n so i onli slept at 7am. n woke up at 10am. n here i m. typing my essay.it will be nice...to see wat time of the day..i'll KO.. sleepless night are frustrating.

n i m still awake to crap.
the other day. i read an article about how guys look at other girls even when their gf is around. how it irritaes their gf. n the writer gave some interesting ways of how to avoid being caught. haha.ironically. if i know my bf looks at babes. i wun stop him. i will let him look. i will even matchmake him with them. see. how nice i m. why bother stopping them. nothing's really wrong abt it right. we all love looking at pretty objects .but to some extent,it goes to show how much they really admire respect or cherish u. and the point about avoid getting caught. haha.forget it la. girls know it. they just PREtend not to know sometimes. of cos. i m being.somewhat. one sided here. but this logic applies to girsl drooling at hunks too. and this falls under one of those weird n morbid kailing theory.

N. abt public display of attention. .we have all read or heard abt complaints abt couple. doing unsightly stuff on trains. etc. i agree. its disgusting. but. if one day. u r in a relationship. n u find urself not showing ANY signs of affection towards ur other half. or u dun feel like a couple anymore and others dun see it that way also.or chances are. maybe like wat poei will say. u shd make plans fer a breakup.or prolly ur relationship is more platonic. n obviously. u dun realli feel special to him n vice versa. beacuse.such stuff. are instinctive action. if instinctively. u dun care. chances are. u realli dun.

OBVIOUSLY. dun get me wrong. i m not referring to anyone. its just based on my veri bored-observations abt couple ard me. n since. i shdnt be typing abt depressing stuff abt sch. i thot it will be kinda REFRESHING. RIGHT.

theoretically.i consider today the start of HOLIDAY. but in reality its not realli a holiday but a "catching up" session. in term of school work. so i herby resolve to mugg fer this whole holiday n try not to step out of the house. yup mugger me. ALTHOUGH. today. i took a little walk ard a SHOPPING mall.. juz 1hr..was enuf. to make mi feel better.now. e onli thing is. i dun shop. i dun walk into shops.i jus walk.add that to weird things kailing do. WALK on her own.

n den. here i m. 12.19am.watching webcast? y oh y? bcos i always skip lectures. no dun get mi wrong. i dun pon lecture. i choose not to go to save time. but guess wat. watching webcast takes me twice as long. n its half as effective cos. i get distracted so esily. N if i dun reply u or take dam long to reply on msn. pls dun hate me. although i will make it a point not to go on msn fer e nxt week or so.or tryto minimise it. n surprisingly.poei seems to b the one person who knows all abt me..in term of....guys??haha. surprise surprise. cos he's e lAST person i wld tok to about these stuffs. Or at least. i used to think so

n den. today i saw a rather plump gal.dressed like she is gg clubbing. in a chem engine lecture. why oh why do u dress so skimpily. wat oh wat are u showing off?
haha. mayb i m juz jealous u get to flaunt ur body wheares i dun get to cos i haf nothing to flaunt.haha.
but the things abt clothes is that u choose them to portray or accentuate certain parts of ur body u find attractive..or say cover up some parts u dun like. SOME pple haf commented that i wear the same stuff n carries the same image. WELL. i do agree. while most ple think that kailing has a lot of clothes,which i dun deny. u need to undersatnd. kailing BUY clothes. BUT she KEEPS them. n Not WEaR them. now. add that to how weird i m again. n no wonder her mum always ask her to wear new stuff. haha n i believe in karma. since i keep critising pple n how they dress... if i start dressing differently i will confirm get criticised. haha

stupid.idiotic. reckless driver. i hate most. add thaat to the list i created previously of pple i abhor.
n a driver. in a police car somemore.
who lane change INTO me. well.almost.
dun endanger the lives of other please.
n if i cursed and swear at u. u so deserve it.

on a lighter note
two -3 more days till midterm break
finally. time to get away frm sch n everyone else.
i m sick of pple asking around. "how to do this n this".
i m sick of myself asking pple "how to get this answer n this"
everyday. i hear e same things. hear e same complaints.

n midterm break.

its from sunday to thursday. how. ridiculous nus can get. they count sun too. n bingo. its a 5 day break. n to add on. after every midterm. e week starts on friday. friday what?
who cares aniway.

call me shallow
but
guys relying on gals just dun feel right to me.
n henceforth. i dun think i will want to marry someone less capable than me. or earn less than me.
so go ahead n laugh at me. if i ever get married. n to a useless bum.
and so much for being hating male chauvanisim hur.
but since true love do not exist. might as well set the standard higher.


Whatever.
i m in a dam irritated mood today bcos of freaking tutorials.
sitting front of the com fer 5hr doing essay.
n my mum who starved me till 8.30.
and so i compiled of list of pple i dislike.types of pple
1) e kind who tries too hard
2) pple who are so shallow.
3) pple with low integrity.
4)freeloader. pple who just want to take the shortcut everytime.
5) some pple. u just dun like them on e first look
6) pple who bitch too much. its funny. the exicited n rejuvenated face they wear when they r bitching.dun get me wrong. i bitch.we all bitch. but some pple jus go overboard sometimes
7) now thats basically the whole world isnt it.actualli the list goes on n on n on. suddenly i realise i dun like a lot of pple
and since i believe in karma. i believe a lot of pple dun like me too.


but whatever it is. this is juz a crap post.

weekends=)

can get some rest at least.

i dun like to go out. i rather stay at home these days.
i m so proud dat i haf steered clear of malls since sch starts.
sch's still e same. but i think these days i just take things as they come to me. why bother complaining? things dun change.
the other day. had bio lab. which was a reminiscent of secondary sch bio. it was funny in a way cos i think theres something wrong with my eye lashes n i ended up looking at my eye lashes when i looked thru the mircoscope.

i freaking hate trains.mrt trains. i dun understand y is it that at every single hour of the day. the trains are always full. n its not like the passengers dun pay alot for mrt fares. honestly. i think smrt are making quite a hefty sum of money.

n i finally truly understand what it means by" two's a company,three's a crowd." put me with two pple. i wun bother engaging into any conversation.

my dad told me i haf put on weight. n he's really happy about it
which is also ironic in e sense that if u want a person to put on weight. u dun realli want to tell him he has put on weight rite.
anyway. i dun realli care. i just eat.what i can. haha

himbo loy, we'll miss u.

i feel so sad for ur..er hair..

quote of the himbo:" er..wait. its like the first day of army the relatives can go. den wait the other guys have little sisters who go den they see my botak head how? i better bring a cap."

bimbo. admiring themselves...*shake head

aloy. we'll miss u when u go ns.

ACKSX.esp sharon.sorry.we couldnt stay longer.will miss u all too.

and to a very very old acquaintance..thank for sending that message.it meant alot to me.all the best! =)

situation at new orleans's getting bad.
bad things come in packages.

veri tiring day.8-6.
screw biochem prac. luckyily.partner.was not as blur as me
i feel. like crap.
spent 2hr looking at fluids mech. n nothing comes out of it. yup one word. DEAd.
walked the most agonizing path today. with a stranger offfering to share his umbrella to me. i said no thanks. he said i should share it with him. so i did. n den. it as the most painful walk i ever walk. because i felt to embarrassed n awkward. i din know if i should like talk to him. say thanks or wat. n i din dare to take e same bus as him. i mean. i get quite uncomfortable accepting favours frm pple. but i can say. he's a nice n decent guy. i doubt he had any ulterior motive. mayb i just looked a bit pathetic in e rain. but i was looking pathetic cos i had to walk frm one busstop to e nxt as the other bus stop was too crowded. n. it was only drizzling. i kinda enjoy walking in a drizzle sumtimes.

sigh. 2 tests. 3 labs. 4 tutorial.1 with presentation.1 undone essay.
how do i ever get thru this.


every time i talk abt my life. my future with others. i cldnt help feeling somewhat disillusioned.

ask urself.
is what that u are doing now. the kind of life u are leading now. wat u really want to.
sadly.
my answer to that above. is............. i doubt so.
maybe things happen for a reason.maybe someday. i will not regret the path i have chosen. maybe.someday.
maybe.

n those reading this.
haha i m fine la. its not like i dun ramble abt stuffs.
juz a way to get me going.

n ah soh. dun shoot me. i would have invaded ur room at ntu long ago if i have e time.count urself lucky. haha
n aloy. dun kill me. if i cant stay for long tmr. gal is burderned with so many sch work. sigh

i love wed
bcos i haf test very wed. its like. wat can be more exciting then having weekly test to spice up my life. tests are juz wat i need.
i was joking.
friends commented. i look very relaxed when i m doing my test. bcos. i haf the time to take out my bottle n drink water. flip thru stuffs calmly. now. i dunno why. i just haf to drink water every test. i cant do a test without stopping to drink water. n while i m relaxed,it doesnt mean i know how to solve the problem. but one shd always b relaxed to be in the optimun condition to think. well.nicely said. deep inside. i m panicking like hell.

add that to the weird traits of kailing--drinking water during exams. and i do that veri often. even if i m running out of time.its like. i cant think without water.

aniway in engineering.its pretty sad when gals over-dress. the other day.this gal exposed her cleavage wif some bra to me. lucky fer the guy nxt to me.HAHA.
n theres this gal who actualli loook quite decent but her only fault was dressing too sparingly. halter. mini skirt. now this would be perfectly fine if she's in arts or wat. so that day where she wore a mini skirt. my class guys keep gawking at her. haha
sigh. no time. for friends. i hope u all understand. that all of u are important to me. but i juz wish i can haf the time to meet up.

if u are in a relationship and u still find yourself checking out cute guys n hot babes, well u should make plans for a breakup soon.

if i see another of a distillation column tonight, i am so going to dream about myself in one.

sometimes its hard. to manage between sch and friends.
much as i wld like to meet up with them. i haf to bring myself to say no.
friendship.sch work.wats more mportant

oh ya dear aloy gg ns soon..i HOPE i can get to go out wif u guys... although i hate to say. i haf 2 tests nxt wk................haiz

and mr bird is flying back to michigan nxt wed. thanks fer coming to nus to meet me. bird. is gay. he looks at guys and try to introduce them to me. haha. BUT bird's taste in guy cannot make it. hahaha.

lab report freaking wasting time. 5hrs. wasted on some crap experiment. of manufacturing an acid in the form of CRYSTAL. crystal. crystal. i hate crystal. haha i mean the acid crystal.
equilibrium stage separation. sigh
stared fer 5-6 hrs. nothing can be done. i think i concentrate n stare so hard that i felt a wave of fatigue overcoming me at the end of some staring session.
i need a 24 hr full time genius tutor.

wat lies ahead..............................
a shroud of gloom

mid week
half dead.

sometimes u just need to open ur eyes. look around u. it really isnt that difficult to see. who is true to u. u know. sometimes i think cynicism gets e better of me. yet sometimes i cldnt help but feel this shallowness in pple.

no one's perfect in this world.

on e train. i saw this rather cute little boy. who was mute n deaf i think. n i couldnt help feeling sad n having this weird feeling. are we made to be the way we are for some special reasons?ok that sounds kinda like spiritual stuff. that aside, sometimes. we hanker for too many things in life,lament at our own imperfections. failures,worries and sadness. that we did not bother to take a look at people n things around us. if we did.maybe we will not take things for granted too much. or complain n whine at the slightest stuff like going to school. doing homework. having tests.

sometimes u just gotta take life as it is. but not for granted.
n accept ourselves and other for the way we are.

heres a look at why i love pre-lab
The common definition of organic chemistry is “the study of compounds containing carbon”.
qn:Do u think there is a need to define organic chemistry differently?"

i dunno y they are asking question like that u know. i realli dun.

weekends are here.
time to do lots of catching up
life of a typical singaporean student is pretty sad isnt it
or mayb its me
feeling e strain
only two weeks into school

u know something is really not right
when
kailing
1)wants to sleep.
2)try to speak less than 10 sentence a day. put me in school. dun tok to me. and i can really pretty much juz get thru e day without talking to anyone. ya i dun initiate conversation. not even in msn.
3)and when she speaks. its pretty much incoherent n rubbish . very often.opposite to what she really means.
4)starts eating alot.
5)stone even when u r talking to her. yes thats rude.
6)is mean to evryone.
7)starts disappearing.

sigh. i need a break. the webcast are making me nauseous n disgusted.
i need people like sharon to be in sch with me. den maybe. i wun b so stone.

haiz.
i love nus. especially cors. once again. cors never fail to waste my time. thanks alot.
i love CN 2122.2123.2121.
how can thinking abt fluids.those freaking long mathematical stuff. or flash separator n distillation gets me in a happy mood?not forgetting thermodynamic. bio here n there. i haf read the word DNA in 2 txtbk today alr. HELP.i dun even know if i am studying biochem or bio at one pt.
and the lectures all have this funny accent that feels rather unnatural.u know. how china people speak english. that after a while it feels like robot machine buzzing ard the ears.. n guess wat. my favorite lecturer now is a guy called far-rooq. no thats not e name of an iraqi terrorist. i love him bcos. he gives test every week. n i have no idea wt he is talking abt every lecture.

there's sthg wrong with me.
i m always feeling hungry.
haha

i realise. that while most people try to be nice to others. i strive to be mean to others. and while i always dun mean wat i say. i m still a meanie. AND kailing never like to show she likes someone .she's abnormal. n so. she's a terror to everyone. plus with my braces, call me JAWS.Terror jaws.
haiz
spent one afternoon(admist.drooling n falling asleep on e table) reading fluids. i dun really understood wat happened still.=/
e joy and fun of chem engine begins nxt wk.where tests n labs n tutorials all come in. =.=

wish me luck...

hehehe.crys. i m sorry. but i din pose the whole body one. are u please with me?

aniway thanks to the above person. n that thing in her hand. which comes with a video.i got to see how i swim.=)

and on the FATEFUL day of 13/8/05

DEVIL TEO n LOY ONG got together.

u see. this is devil. proposing n confessing her love to loyloy

waiting fer an answer...............................................



aloy(pump fist in the air)

YES!

n so now. they r a couple.

 

ha ok i m too lazy to post
a picture says a thousand words
but i can't exactly post the pic..cos. haha they are pictures of us in swim suits. for private eyes only.haa so msg me if u want the link. haha
thanks crys.for e house and the food.
the rest. fer the fun=)
love yer all.

haha i m sorry.to be late. i have this habit. of waking up 3o mins before sch/ any gathering. haha

in friends. u heard
"joey dun share food"
in kailing it is
"kailing dun wait for people"
haha. well at least not unless it is necessary

thanks. bird. for making me wait close to an hour. i deserved it. haha
yay.weekend. last time to slack. b4 tutorials n lab begins.probably last time i will see u guys till a long long time.
intresting talks wif friends today
cough* bird.eh save more $$.looking forward to my VIP table seat in 5 yrs time. =P

and talking to classmates today
the anology of a relationship as being somewhat like a train ride.
u know. sometimes the train breaks down. n u get to choose if u decide to continue to wait for it to function again.or decide to walk off the train and look for alternative path elsewhere.

n then. how letting someone slip pass u. or watching him/her in the arms of someone else before u had the chance to do/say anything as anologous to missing a train. u can never catch up with the person anymore. its almost like he/she has taken the train b4 u.with someone else. and all u can do. is to take the train behind and watch the lingering n fading shadow. unless. the train before u breaks down. and unless. he/she is willing to walk out of it.then maybe....u can catch up with her again.

flings.straying frm a relationship. as being stopping at stations here n there.
haha
like my anology?

and somehow. the higher hopes u place in something. the more disappointed u get in the end. its like. say in a relationship. u plan abt the future. which is gd n assuring since it means u see a future with that someone. but often.such relationship are also the most painful when it breaks down because u see ur dreams being shattered.

n how. its really true. that guys go for looks n figure more than girls.though maybe some may beg to differ.girls.go for more for security. how the guy treats them.
shallowness?or harsh reality?that we are in a world judged by appearances.self worth n wealth.

seriously.why do people get into relationship.
companionship? someone to share ur worries and happiness with? lust? cheap thrill? hope of finding ur future partner? possession?or wat.

haha ok enough.
lets tok abt.school.
been stoning n slacking this wk. tmr.last slacking day. then its time for me to get down to serious stuff nxt wk. n stop the waking up late antics. i have learnt that. if u think u are going to be late.well u r. no point rushing. u r still going to b late in the end. haaha.
the lt at nus are realli uncomfortable,the table are ridiculously small n the seats old n uncomfortable.

n maybe. my EQ level is really not as high as i thought. i dun restrain myself from showing dislike or displeasure in someone or something. but m in a better mood alr. thanks to friends ard me.who withstand my moodiness n bothered to listen to my whinings. it was a mixture of uni blues. self-exaggeration of a problem. well.mood swings. typical of girls. but i guess.its really not easy to find someone who can stand me.

why today is not my day
1)i woke up at 730. when class starts at 8.well at least i woke up. the alarm din ring.
2)i tried to speed. there were massive jams
3)i spent 144 on textbooks. making the total damage a total of 264 dollars.
4)i tripped n broke my sandals. the strap Broke.luckily. i din fall flat. but this guy was smirking.
well. maybe the books were too heavy la.the CG abit lowered. n now. i haf friends saying i look fragilelike i'm gonna break soon.gawd. FRAGILE.YUCK.so not me.=(

&
in view of the massive amount of money i have invested in books. i have now being reduced to living on bread n water fer the rest of the month, taking public transport. mending my broken sandals wif stapler. haha.
ok e stapler part was crap.


haiz.
sometimes i wish there were some girl-friends whom i can hang around wif in school.
in chem engine. i feel like i m surrounded by guys.
haiz.

the good news is tomorrow is friday
tha bad news is. it marks the end of wk 1 of sch. which is suppose to b slack since tutorials hasnt start.
actually i have no idea wats driving me nuts n cranky these days maybe school?disgusting lectures? or maybe its some unfathomable feelings. i get irritated easily. i start seeing the worse in people.
and so. i decided to run.escape. haha. dig another hole and then jump in. p.s.crys where's e hole u dug.
spent a bomb buying tons of textbk that i have no idea wat i m reading.
fell alseep juz reading organic chem notes during break today. luckily.when i woke up. there were no wet patches on my notes.n luckily. i was alone.
but at least..my books r giving me gd night sleeps these days.
n after sch. i stoned. stoned. n stoned somewhere out there.
u know. sometimes being alone really isnt such a bad thing.
and sentosa on sat? not really in e mood to do anything. maybe i can really go there. find a spot. dig a whole in e sand. bury myself.

ya.get a life.kailing. stop acting like the world has ended.
juz because school has started.
n so to the friends n the one i love.
u dun deserve this crap frm kailing.
so just let me finish my mourning abt sch. n den start my mugger mood.

haha.

Excting 1st day of school.
had a wonderful lecture of Fluids MEchanics. which was a blur and whirlpool of mathematical formula.and which kailing e great had a hard time comprehending.
after that
went to computer centre. and spent 1hr. 30 dollars priniting my notes fer the entire sem.only about 5 people stared daggers at kailing bcos the amount of notes she sent fer printing were gargantum and that kept them in e queue fer quite some time.but cheapo kailing wanted to save $.printing notes in sch is so much cheaper then at home.so she gladly tolerated the stare of those pple. haha.

den went to co-op to buy textbk n laptop bag.
co-op was a frenzy of mess as there are tons of pple jostling n eagerly buying textbks.
spent 40 bucks on the fluid mechanics bk.
30 bucks on a cheapo laptop bag.

bleah
tiring tiring day
now back to my magiee mee. haha. see. i m so mugger. i sacrifice lunch time fer printin notes.
and den time to read my newly bought txtbk of fluid mechanic. =P

ok. sch's has offically started
in a way. its good.no more wasting time on brainless stuff. maybe life will be more fulfilling n less empty then.although its one hell of a sem. i wil make it through. i m kailing the great.
okie. wun b blogging so much animore.will b spending my time wilth all my textbooks

happy schooling all nus peeps

p.s:crys, one dollar pls? i funding ur bikini ;P

today
as i was reading the straits times. it dawned upon me that my usual sunday habit of reading the 'Whats on Tv ' for the week has to changed because there will be no more tv time next week anymore. =(
and then. i used to think that in life. i would marry a person for love.
but it also dawned upon me as i was reading the article about how women wouldnt marry guys in unglam jobs like that of a karang guni man etc.that actually.no i wouldnt marry someone in unglam jobs too.maybe love really isnt everything.

haiz.
m feeeling terribly utterly bad over something and someone.=/

ironically after i put on braces. i actually talk more then usual.
mayb its because fer e past few week when i had my extraction n putting of braces ,i din get to talk much .n so now i m kinda making up for it.
oh well. guess frm now on. its back to stone kailing
sch's starting
back to serious business.
frm mon onwards. no gb. limited msn n blogging.no clowning around.

when i first watched LOST. my first question was. how are they gonna end the season
juz as i haf expected. the finale wasnt realli a gd one. maybe because it wasnt much of an ending becose there will b more seasons coming.but honestly. a plot n story like that. it really isnt easy to have a kid of ending everyone like.

m having a bad night. feeling e stress of school.playing badly in gb.
1am. i dun want to sleep.although i m very very tired. must be the effect of the sun yesterday. gawd. i m weak.
these days. i find myself. liking to look at little kids.
today on e train.
this kid was staring at me/. n i was staring at him
actualli he was playing this game with his little sis.which requires them to shout "10...9...5..4....1.blast off!"
and he kept staring at me.so i smiled back. i think he kinda mistook it as a gesture of approval bcos the very nxt second he goes throught that whole blast off thing at e top of his voice.
and then. later . i saw this cute gal.wif a mushroom head.n my mum sed she looked like me when i was a kid.
well.at least. now i know. i used to b cute. haha

and i feel. i haf juz made something worse.
its almost as if. i haf dug a hole deeper fer myself.
and now. i dunno how to get out.
haiz.vexed.=(

m sunburnt.tired.missing one contact lens
these days/ feeling quite hyper active. maybe its e pre-uni burst of energy
went sch again.played captain's ball.terrorised some freshies. =P
ok la. long time since i do sports in e sun. so i m not complaining.e last time i went morning trg was hmm j1?
but like dat means my skin has aged....haha
after dat. ktv. ktv is just not my kinda thing la hur.its something i will nvr be active abt. i'll rather haf a 1500m swimming sessiom.haha.but was ok la. juz listening to pple sing their heart out. but all the songs they sung. i kinda was hearing them fer e 1st time.

one weekend
more self amusement. n hyperactive-ness.
haha

n once again. i extend my apologies.to samuel bird kwek. fer making u wait half an hour. i m sorry.

haha i tink. i m finally putting on weight.
went sch to look at yr one orienatation today.
kinda pitied e yr 1. having to be enthusiastic.despite e not so exciting games.
well.at least i got free food. cos they played some games. similar to some chi variety show. n only the gals could eat. egg prata.grilled chicken.ice tea.apple juice. sadly. there were onli 3 gals left. but.we fed e guys with the food secretly when the councillors werent looking. hehe. gawd. i may want to gain weight.but i dunno to b a fat pig
haha e class guys went a bit gaga over the veri limited gal freshies ;)
ooh fierce fight.
ok la. i also saw some cute guys today;P
n kena suaned a thousands time abt my braces, haha. but it was quite funny. and right now.i m pretty neutral n oblivious to this thing.
tired.though i slacked. haha.
zzz

sigh. i m still sad. thats sch's starting.
sometimes
i wish i dun haf to dissappoint anione. or to let anyone down.
its realli not a gd feelingl to see someone sad or hurt.
i realli dunno how to describe this feeling.=(
someone. gif me a hole to hide?

ok i m pissed
i sat in front of my com frm 12-5
looking at bidding
i dun understand.
y need close n open bidding
like dat veri fun meh
its brainless. stupid. a waste of time.
i juz hope i get my module=(


are u the kind of person
who worries abt meeting new pple?
u know. say u enter a new sch.new class.
well. haha funny thing is i never can b bothered
the pt is. dun try too hard. be urself. u may not b well liked. but at least u r not well hated.
and i actualli find joining orienations duh. i mean its ok if u an OGL or wat. bcos u dun haf to realli particpate.but as a participant. eee. i find it ..bleah
i mean. haf u seen those on type who cheer dam loud. are dam spontaneous. no offence la hur.
mut b onz n spontaneous during orienation. cannot act like a spoilsport also
n so what if u all are veri close. pple goes like"i like my og. they are so nice. we are veri close. we hang out together"
but at the end of say 1 mth or so. everything kinda breaks down. the og pple dun even keep in contact animore.
haha i know i m freaking cynical la hur.
but i m freaking pissed by bidding now
dat i m
going against the world n everyone else again as usual
so no offence to those
who haf joined orientation n liked it.
its a good start to sch.
i m prob the onli one.who sees things that way.
haiz.
annoying.cors. i hate u. i really do.

as usual.
i wld like to say
nus shd do something abt the cors server.
to prevent jam during open n close bidding
u know.
thousands of pple are camping in front of their com.u need to cater to everyone.
or mayb i shd get those hyper super powerful com. will it help? ha i dun think so
bcos
i haf been here. for one hour. trying to log in.

dam. i can nvr resist a sale.
but i dun care
its my last week to shop.

after tat.i'll bid shopping malls a farewell till december=)

how u know.u are suffering from pre-uni-syndrome
1) u get depressed abt sch. the slightest mention of sch irks u
2) e pple in school dun interest u. u get irritated juz seeing innocent yr1 doing flag day
3)u start spending alot
4)u start to go against everyone. kids. family. friends
5)u start talking nonsense. babbling. whining. being sarcastic.
WELL. thats me. by e way.
i haf decided to stop being so childish.
n face the reality.that sch's starting. no more bumming ard. wasting time n youth like that.waking up at 1130.watching bimbo shows. wandering ard wasting time.
time to get down to do important stuff=)
and in e meantime enjoy my remaining days of hols.n stop acting like a kiddish freak=P

anyway.
juz bcos u are old or a kid doesnt mean u can be rude.or have things ur way.
i mean. today. mrt. thsi old man juz pushed me away to enter the train. a long time ago.i itnk i haf mentioned b4. there was once this old lady knocked on me while i was asleep on e train n made me gif up my seat.
gawd. i honestly was sound asleep n din see her. n its freaking rude. little gal also tired. i wld haf given up the seat to her if i had seen her.n may i emphasize that it is not an obligation or a must to gif up one' seat.
but dun bother fighting with kids or old pple. whatever happen. u will b the one in e wrong. i mean. ok. its not like it nvr happen to me b4. kids run n knock into me. fall down. cry. everyone stare at me.like i m some bully.

and actualli.
i dun fancy gd looking pple.
i lke those. with a style of their own.who dun try too hard to look gd.

went to sch fer an useless session of talk. its not as if i dunno i must start planning wat i want to do in the course.with my life.
ya. i m utterly disgusted wif sch. am in a lousy mood.
n then during the talk
it says. some employer find graduates . having some kind of shallow behavioural aspects.
how true.
or mayb its juz people on the whole.me n u inclusive.

some people try too hard. to b nice. to b funny.to b outstanding from e crowd.
i dunno.going to sch.seeing all e people again after so long. gives me a weird feeling. i feel like i m in a wrong place.everything and people ard me. juz dun feel right.or mayb its juzt sch.or mayb its juz pms(POST menstrual tension').
haha.pui.

anyway
i got bullied by a little boy that dat.or rather me n my mum
when we were queuing up to pay fer stuff.this little boy wif his mum came up frm behind n insist that he was there first.
well. 1st of all. i din see anione there. netiher did my mum.i mean. gawd damnit. his mum is pretty FAT n there is no way we can miss her n the boy. i m not blind. i m not. i m veri awake then. u werent there. and it dun count if u were there but went away. how m i suppose to know u were there in e queue n went away.
now. well m i relegating myself to a kid.bleah
well.but being a nice gal.being a strong believer that kids dun lie.kailing gladly let him go 1st.
but kids shdnt lie u know. no one likes a liar.


bidding has started fer me
who cares.
i m going MIA the nxt few days. roan the street.waste my time as much as i want
n den run off to the jungle in msia.

i m alone tonight.at least till 10 b4 my parents come home
i like it.

so sad
tmr is monday
to be optimistic. u go: one more week till sch.yipped
fer pessimistic ones likie me. i go:last monday to enjoy
sighz.
xh dear starts sch tmr.no more shopping kaki..i m so sad...............boo hoo hoo
and den NEVER ON the computer if u want to do any constructive stuff.like reading.
a harmless game of gunbound turned into a 2hr session
but at least
i m finally reading my modules now
i m fickle minded.............

today straits time article on something juz goes to show that my prejudice against a certain species of mankind is not based on my own personal conatact n judgement on them.

aniway.
i woke up.played gb. went online.watch tv. n poof. b4 i knew it.it was 4.3o . i wsa suppose to read some stuff n in e end i got so frustarted by e lack of concentration n the veri enticing laptop of mine. dat i gave up n went out.
haha

i m all set fer sch
i packed my bag. packed my file. bought my stationary. cleared my desk. cleared my shelves. cleared my drawers.

and i haf a terrible confession to make
crys dear. i m sorry. i wasnt there to witness how they torture u today.i m sorry. i was caught up with doing something important. i hope ur makeup was ok. i couldnt be of any use there aniway. except maybe laugh at u.or make u blink more
aniway. sorry again.i was watching tv when u msg me. u know.tv marathon.someone in e show died n iwas too distraught.

n den actualli. i itnk. i do get upset easily.

not surpirsing. i din do any constructive thing today. but who cares.

N
crys
post ur pic k.
=P

n den i know i haf tons of constructive stuff to do.like reading up on modules. doing constructive readings.
but i also know i haf onli a week of hols left

n den yesterday i feel asleep thinking abt something i wanted to blog abt
u know. i realise sometimes e way u are right now are shaped by how u r when u were young n how ur parents brought u up
well.let mi share with u the life story of a gal.
when little kailing was in pre-school.kindergarten.or pre-pri.
she was a mummy gal. she cried.whined.n bawled.like most kids.when her mummy left her at the kindergarten. when she couldnt draw a basketball during her exam,she screamed n cried. bcos she could only drew a normal ball n not a basketball
in pre-pri,her best friend was a guy. who sat nxt to her. n they played toys n ate together.(now dun ask me how i remember such stuff).
she din like to eat.n often. she threw away uneaten food during break secretly when her teacher wasnt looking so she wun be scolded fer wasting food.(now u see y i always dun finish my food)

then little kailing enrolled into red swastika pri sch.
her mummy brought her to n fetch her from school everyday. n checked on her. by talking to the teacher abt how little kailing is progressing.her recess time were spent at bookshop n canteen bcos she was forbiddened from playing in the field.bcos thats where all e bad kids hanged out.or at least thats wat she was told.(now u see y i dunno wats game like hopscotch or those rubberband games girls played).
her mum ordered food fer her everyday during recess so she dun haf to queue up fer food.
she is always late fer sch.despite living juz opposite to it.
when little kailing was in p1.she had chicken pox.and after that.her classmates shunned her.
when she was in p2.she had braces too.(now u see why big kailing has braces too)
her chi n form teacher picked on her everyday bcos little kailing toks too much.(do i tok alot now too?).she always got beaten or scolded.
in p3. little kailing joined competitive swimming. her dad decided she has potential in swimming rather den bball.tabletennis.badminton. n soccer.
talking abt joining swimming. haha i tink i was the 1st one to join among all of u.
i still rem. to join.u had to be able to complete one lap of freestyle n breaststroke continuously w/out stopping.
back then. there were 4 lanes. lane5-8.beginners start at lane 5.
and little kailing.tried her best. n was happy when her coach promoted her to lane 6. n den lane 7.
haha but in the later part. i think pple juz come straight to lane 7 or 8 despite how fast or slow they are.
thzat aside.
in p4. little kl bcame e monitress. she was a hyper active gal. answering all of the teachers's qn.(yup. that was e onli time.kl was responsive in class)
lets tok abt sec sch.
little kailing enrolled into dunman high bcos her parents like the school bcos they find the pple there very decent.
in sec1.little kl din like her sch. she onli talk to her friend who sat nxt to her.after sch ended at 2. she wld chionged to the canteen. (i packed my bag at 155)
n by 215.she wld b rushing to the bus stop. n by 3 she wld reach home.
(now u all see y kl DUN wait fer pple after school n juz disappear).
in sewc 2.her teacher made her sit alone at the back of the class. bcos that fellow who used to sit there wasnt doing well in his sch work.
n so kailing started her world of stoning(now heres how the stoning kl came abt)
n then. kailing found a pack-bag buddy whom she competed wif to see who finsh packing bag faster.
in sec 3. she got acquianted wif her ah soh gang, n sat nxt to violet.
somehow.because both have some kind of attitude probel,they had a cold war fer half a yr.
so fer half a yr.they sat nxt to each other without talking to each other.
(now u see. when i am not happy. i dun quarrel. i give e silent treatment)
in sec 4. when tan jen fee came as her form teacher.
she made kailing change seat.(ya y is it always me. cos i smart is it.haha)
this time. kailing was made to sit admist all the guys.
now up to this pt. kailing DISlike guys. she sees them as somewhat different. n nvr talk to much guys.in pri sch. all those who sat wif little kl were guys. n they were often scolded by her. there was this guy i scolded everyday.cos he likes digging his nose. i was mean. i was horrible.(now u see y i m mean n horrible now)

so she was terribly upset n almost cried.
n violet's reaction was more funny.she promptly separated her desk from that of her new partner. haha.
but luckily fer kailing. e guys were nice to her. n often cracked jokes n made her laugh.

ok. if u are still here with me. u must be as bored as i am.congrats. these are onli e minor details. n i haf decided to stop. i assure u all.those are genuine details. no fabrication involved.
now u all know how i turn out the way i am.
n mind u. lala n taptap have been wif me since pri 3.

while most guys wld say that its absolutely hard to fend off a sobbing gal.
i itnk e converse is true. a gal can't stand to see a sobbing guy.

n it wld b NICE to see a guy whining fer a change rite?
GAWD i can't imagine.
someone try leh.haha

b4 u start saying i m morbid. or u goes mentally in e brain.. "aiya. where got guys like that one.how faggot."
i was watching a reality show. n this guy was sobbing. realli sadly. n i actualli felt sorry fer him..

tmr is fri.pui. one more weekend n a week left
ok. i know i m somewhat child-ish some--times.
n crys still says i look sad.

sigh dun feel like slping.......ZOMBIE ALERT

i was suppose to read abt my course stuff AGAIN
since when i read stuff. i click links here n there until i dunno wat i m reading in e end.
but i made a 'fatal' mistake of going on msn. but it was nice to hear frm LONG LOST Friends. n poeipoei.
aniway theres always tmr rite.
n so aniway. time fer e expired ct rep to try to think of something la. and maybe everyone can laugh at her braces.n come this national day.someone;s bday is coming.but come this national day my chem engine torture wld haf started.
its not realli taht hard to stone at home.
i wake up at 11 plus. on e com.check some stuff. eat my lunch n watch tv. walk ard e hse. read some papers. read some books.play some games.surf some stuff.
den its dinner time liao.
n hohoho my favourite website.ivle is up again. it was nice seeing that empty page fer a while. n now.its filled again.with modules.

i was happily playing gunbound.scolding someone. n den poof the com died n restarted.
morale of the story: dun be mean
ok. went wif crys n xh fer lingerie shopping.crys is an underwear freak.
haiz
nothing seems to be able to mask the gloom of life.of school. bleah.
uni is like a maze
with so many things to discover
n i do feel like a fish
swimming n heading nowhere

i wasted my hols. partly to gear myself up fer braces.but i was quite happy.
but maybe nxt time. i shd do sthg constructive.
like take up some useful courses. like.how to be a career woman.how to cook.or some language course.or see wat nus has to offer me.
ya i also want to do some voluntary work. dun ask me why the sudden change of heart. i dunno. i juz felt like i want to.


and the mockery of all these stuff i haf juz typed is that the new sem hasnt even start.


uni blues is settling in.
i feel the gloominess overcoming me.

and more gd news n bad news.
a few of my modules are openbook. 2-3 i think
but.i dun do well fer open bk stuff.$%^&*&^%!
aniway
i dunno how i am gonna survive nxt sem

explored the national library.nice building wif tons of space.
aniway
its hard being a gal
1st n foremost
there's e monthly problem
that not onli gets one into a BAD mood.but occasionally it causes discomfort n pain
e then. gals r EXpECTED to look nice.
thats y. gals must shave. wear make up. wear nice clothes flattering to their figure.
ya. figure. tsktsk. nice to see. hard to maintain. n its kinda inherent. somethings u have it.somethings u dun. n u cant reali change it.juz haf to b contented.
clothes n makeup. nice to look at. expensive to buy.to a guy. a few piece of nice clothings is enough. to a gal. its nvr enough. it never hurt to haf another shirt or jacket of the same colour.juz as long as its a different design.desires. are never ending.
n u expect them to haf brains as well.
no brain ones. u call them bimbo.
n gals haf to gif birth nxt time. work. n be a wife.mother. career woman. daughter-in-law.

haha.but sometimes. its nice to be a gal too.

aniway.crap aside.
i m hungry.
i miss eating MEAT.Graal!! hahahaha
my pants are feeling looser n more baggy. FREak.i m losing weight at the wrong places n gaining them at the wrong places. hmmmmm...
n these days. i seldom go on msn.
bcos. i know. the fave topic is WHAT MODULES ARE U TAKING NEXT SEM.i dun like it.cos it reminds me of school. so u see.how traumatised abt sch i m. haha
n honestly. if u ask me. why i m taking this module what-so-ever. or why i take 6 or 5 modules.
i DUNNO.
or let me tell u the common mentality:Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Don't We
-----------------------------------------------------
The Stars are bright tonight
And I am walking nowhere
I guess I will be alright
Desire gets you nowhere
I'll have you just the way u are

these days
since i use my desktop
so sometimes when i keep playing a song
n my mum goes: oh u playing that weird song again.
well at least she likes lao shu ai da mi
dl by a person called poeipoei

and den the crap thing abt cors
is that u must decide if u want 5 or 6 modules
n the good n bad thing is
if i take another module.
my timetable will be more packed
the exam will be 6 days away frm the other modules
which means i have 6 full days to mugg fer e module
which oso means i end 6 days later den everyone else
but
since i like mugging
i shd rite. since i get to mugg 6 more days den everyone else.

some people never learn

its like. when its raining. u should bring ur umbrella out. and kailing decides to ditch the umbrella at home. trusting the singapore's sheltered road.n so serve her right fer being drenched n running like a madwoman again.

and when u know u cant chew food. the least thing u wld wnt to do is to patronise food places.well. aniway. thats wat i did. and wat happened was i cld onli drool at the food. haiz. and then i saw this tin of BBQ coated peanuts my brother bought before frm thailand at this food fair.n which i had liked very much.n which i had been searching.but all i could do was to wave goodbye to it.haiz


and den when u know u shd b hiding at home, hide.
while on e bus. i thot i saw someone i knew frm rj, instintively i wanted to put the head into the bag.
and den as if to make my day more exciting. i chanced upon some pple frm chem eng. not that i cared abt them. haha i mean i hardly see them in sch


well.thats the aftermath.now whose's shallow. me !

and one thing i wld nvr learn
is that sch's starting. #^&^^%%#@!

AND then YEs
i HAVE BRACES ALREADY
I LOOK LIKE A FREAK
so I want to hide
ok. a tad of self consciousness... ok not a tad. alot.haiz
not sure wat i m feeling rite now
sadness? regrets. oblivion.
but like wat i always say. happy or sad. life goes on. u know. juz plant urself at say orchard. n watch as pple goes on wif life.everyone has their own troubles n worries.
i pretty much admire those who can stay perky n cheerful all e times

but i haf received bouts of consolations frm friends n acquaintances. thanks guys.
hmm niway
met crys n xh n sharon fer some cookie baking session yesterday. not like i can eat. n not as if i helped much. i onli played wif e dough and made me funny shapes of teddy bears n rabbits.
after that kailing n crystal fell prey to bimbo xh n sharon's makeup act. wa. i din know those two know so much! haha n my comclusion is that now
i realli salute all those babes who put makeup to school.wa. not onli does it take a long long time. it;s also veri uncomfortable. so its a BIG nono fer me.juz ask crys n her blinking act when xh was putting on mascara. haha so funny!
yup. den went to town.ok la. i was pretty much trying to hide. lucky nvr see anione i know.
i m hungry
friends haf commented
these days. i look sad. i look like i haf lost weight
ya. i m sad. i feel like i m driving myself away frm pple n stuffs sometimes
n i m hungry. i miss pizza.burger.chicken.pork chop. roti prata.satay.curry chickrn. u name it.
tmr.bidding starts.
sch starting.
ntu pple who start sch tmr.weiyi.lilian. haf fun!

sigh.
another week.

tjese days i spent more on food den anithing. well in order to cut back on my spending. i haf given myself 50 dolaars a week to spend.and i haf now 16 left till sunday.
n thanks to food. i haf a tummy.trust me. eat ice cream .more tummy.
but i dun realli care animore
yup so this is it
tomorrow is the day
but what will come will come

bimbo issue which will stir up controvesies
today i realise y some gals or guys love to tan themselves
the advantages is that when u are dark. ur blemishes.dark circles. mole bcum less obvious.
for the gals. i think can save on make up.but den again do dark skinned pple put on make up? i think so rite.since maylays n indians do put make up? is it?
disadvanatges is that i read somehwre that a minute of sun aged u by 20 minutes. now.not vvery welcoming news rite. DAMN! i've under the sun swimming fer so many yrs! im gonna be a old hag soon! ok this sounds bimbo.
oh ya ws reading crys blog. its true leh. i think gals my age has pretty much learned how to doll themselves up.wear nice clothes.make up. haha so i look at myself as well.n realise
1)yup. i lost weight. m trying to put them back.but u tell me how wif my braces.
2)clothes. slightly different. last time. i buy sporty stuff.now i buy normal stuff. maybe an occassional feminine top.but i think my jc friends influence my dress sense e most.but. i still shop wif my mum.den we go to OG. lol the stuff ther veri funky one. lol
3)makeup. haha heck it la. makeup has a love hate relationship wif everyone. while u feel u look better. ok not feel. honestly. gals wif makeup do look decent. but at the same time.one must b aware that makeup everyday will b bad fer the skin.chemicals. wun do much good to the skin.so make up. nah. dun wnat. i m happy looking like a half zombie.

in short. i dun think i had changed much.maybe juz e hair.
aniway. priority in life now isnt abt looking gd isnt it. so one shdnt spend too much time on it.but i wld say. feelinf that u look gd or dress well is part of self confidence. but to me. beauty is also in the brains.thats y we haf the term bimbo.
n the more important agenda. now is. STUDIES! yup.mugger me,school's satrting n i m how excited can!!!!!(AS IF LA.juz e mention irks me)
of cos ttis is very subjective. to some. the priority is finding urself a lover.or so called soul mate. but to me.all this can b left to a few yrs later. n i dun believe in FINDING. such things will come if it is meant to be.
n to some. priority is training. did swimming ever bcam my priority?sadly it din.mayb thats y i cldnt realli do very well in it. getting onli mediocre results. u win some. u lose some.in a way.
students at the sports sch. i admire them.but i realli wonder. they are so young. how wld they know that they realli like e sports.passion or external pressure? utrs juz like catherine chen. does she like seimming. or was it bcos her dad pushed her? i personlaay wldnt b in swimming if not fer my dad.
n the sad thing. when u r in sports sch. instead of discussing what is newton first law.u discuss how to improve on that freestyle timing


ya. i m dam full of crap these days
but ok. my hibernation n winter break is here. till den. take care

1 am
n i m MANUALLY COPYING OUT STUFF
like timetable. dates.course stuff
all bcos both my printer decide to give up on me now.
m i hardworking or wat
n i realise
not onli the timetable sux
the exam timings sux too
oooh freak

why oh why do boybands haf to haf this constipated look, soaking themselves in the sea in their mtv?

yup. its confirmed
i haf made a few pple pissed off by not picking up phone calls or replying sms a few hours later
honestly. i haf no intention watsoever of daoing them.
its juzt i dun haf the habit of carrying my phone whereever i go n its in silent mood. bcos i hate ringtones n sms tones.


so anyway i checked my nus mail today
it says:
Dear students
Welcome back to NUS for another new academic year

yup. i cldnt be more excited.
i was suppose to spend today studying my timetable n reading cors crap. some crap abt my course etc.
but i procrastinated. bcos it juz put mi off tremendously.
n ended up. lazing ard. surfing dumb crap .toking on msn. like i m doing now. now that i m teethless. i can onli comunnicate thru internet. haha
^^*I try to runaway
But I can't find a place to hide^^*


ok la. enuf. shall go read my stuff. ciao=P

the other day.b4 going out.

i took a pic wif tap tap. well.

a sort of rememberance b4 i put on braces. boo hoo hoo

remember us.

the one wif lala wun b posted.

we haven gone bonkus

not yet

haha do we look alike?

and aniway. hi to all those who haven seen me for long n wun b seeing me for some time.

dun miss me! i m going hiatus soon. haha

these days. i dun realli know wat i m doing or thinking.
aniway. i m counting the days again. thursday guys. my big day. and brand new image. i will fly off to some island. prefably one like that u saw in LOst. got polarbears. boars. caves collapsing.n den so if u suddenly find me missing. or say. u dun get a reply when u call or msg me. it means i m lost at some island.
like i say. i dunno wat i m saying also.my imagination is getting wilder. haha.
yup.old blog entries. i read mine too.
i miss the old kailing. she was so carefree den. bleah.
and so once again. i extend my love to nus chem engine.thanks for turning me into a monster.
come this august. a new batch of expectant yr one will b joining this parched n gloomy boulevard of chem engineering. as a senior. i hereby pledge to pass on to them all the wrong information about chem engine. hahahaha.
of cos. its not totally uni's fault. maybe some changes. & on my part as well. and growing up.
someday. i juz question myself. m i doing wat i want to do.some regrets still lingers. over wat i wun say.i feel like i m still at crossroads. unsure abt my future. wat i want. growing up. sux u know. maybe thats y i always say i want to live in some island. no expecations frm anione. n away frm reality.
this life. often. we live trying to live up to the expectations of pple. of parents. of ur loved ones. of ur spouse.of friends.

crap aside.
my days. haf been monotonous.not boring. juz nothing interesting.
i hate those shops.wif stupid sales gal who come to u. n stand nxt to u . n scrutinize.as u browse through stuffs.n the thing was. i wasnt even like say ransacking the place. i was juz using my eyes to look.haha. crap. if i need a dog i wld haf gotten one.i rather u ask mi if i need help than stand them as if to wait for my cue.
and the worst of the worst. are those black faced salesgirl. the other day. i think i was wif xh or someone i cant rem. n the salesgirl juz wasnt veri nice.act like we invaded the shop by buying stuff. haha. crap. u dun even own the shop.
for cheap thrills(crys. u like cheap thrills)
e nxt time e salesgirl ask u if u need any help.
say GET LOST as loud as u can.
hahaha.

3 weeks left. =(

today i m gonna stay at home. for once. no more wandering ard. sian alr.
i m gonna. find a nice textbk. sit down n read.
library sounds gd. home also sounds gd.
n e damn teeth is hurting.i wake up in e middle of night to eat pandaol. my pain threshold is very low i can see. and guess wat. the actual process hasnt even begin. freaking crap. i m gonna look like a freak soon. #$#$%&^&^&$%.
y m i so dumb hur. wat was i thinking.
n den. i m gonna buy a mask. prefably a green one. den hide myself frm everyone. forever n ever.=(
how much does a one way ticket to zimbabwe cost?
yeah laugh at me. how bimbo.
no. not bimbo. i not bimbo.

and once again
i m gonna lament abt sch. $**&%$^#*&%

i always find it 'exciting' to meet pple whom i haf nvr seen b4. u know like those blind date where u nvr see the other party pple n recognise the person by say some item or the colour of the clothing.no i din mean i went on a blind date. i mean the experience was vaguely like dat. bcos u haf nvr seen e other person b4!
the 1st time. when i was suppose to meet bird's frend to get sthg. n i made her wait 1 hr fer nothing. bcos i overslpet.
this time. was meeting my bro's frend. thanks alot la poei.

haiz. fear is neverending.
n oh by the way. i realli cant cook anithing.u know those canned soup? ya i try making some. n guess wat. it was ruined! haha.guys. marry me!!!! i'll poison u to death.

taptap.lala.

wif a monster. whose phto is being cut out.

today. i walk again. against that frigging painful feeling in my mouth. but it beats lying on e bed and feeling the pain overwhelmes me. cant slp well....haiz... i haf only one word in my mind. REGRETS.
now i fully understand y i say. i dug a hole. n buried myself. bcos. its a slow n painful experience.
AND i am a teethless idiot. BOO HOO HOO
pain!!!!!!!! someone help!!!!!!i haf trouble toking now. $#%$^%^^~!*
"there's a rainbow for u n me. a beautiful sunrise eternally"
such a beautiful line. but i nvr believe in it.
i juz want to run away.
aniway
poei flew back to melbourne back into the arms of his dog gal. haha. LALA is still wif me. lala is crying now.
and it was comical to watch my dad interacting wif poei's frends.haha

today i leanrt the hard lesson of not carrying an umbrella out. having to run ard in e rain like a mad woman frm suntec to sim lim. all for one adapter. hate skirts that fly up when the wind blows
and oh ya. saw this woman called sharon teo. such a coincidence!!!! haha saw her on bus 36 n i got a shock. we got yuan2 fen4!
n guess wat. we saw yip kang during sch nats. n he saw us too!!! but its onli ME n XIUHUI!! haha so cool. he still remember us.

sleepy but i know i wun b able to slp. haiz...........................................
=(

its called digging ur own grave. jumping into it and den burying urself.
that pretty much describe how i feel abt myself.
welcome. fear. welcome back mr dentist.

"can u feel?
there's nothing at all."


aniway.welcome back too. i love u CORS. i love having open n close bidding period. see u soon. in a few wks time. i din miss u though.bcos ur arrival marks the end of hols.
sch aside.
one of these days. as usual. i m. gonna. get hacked. fer. either. not picking up phones calls. not replying smses. replying them a few hours or so late. being late. yes. being late. i was late fer half an hour today. i bet xh was cussing n swearing.
bad habits. nvr change
haiz.
aniway. orchard today wif xh. den to toa payoh fer e finale of swimming nats. eek. not exciting.this yr's all like clear cut winner. but it was nice. juz to experience the atmosphere. once again.
aniway. i hereby resolve not to shop animore. or rather. i wun spend animore.wants are unlimited.talk abt strong willpower. i dunno wat came over me when i bought this Prints notebook fer ard 20 bucks. sighz. attempt to make myself more organised? crap. AS IF kailing can ever be organised. i'll prb juz doodle n drool on it.
And. no more weight gaining regime animore also.u tink so easy ah. must eat and spend $. so for the nxt few wks or so. it would be. plain walking. n stoning in the library. or at home.how AWFULLY NICEto be able to spend time with the walls..i learned this oxymoron today. when shopping. haha.its a perfect description.
also
talk abt being weak.
today at the swimming pool. this bigauntie slammed into me n i almost flew into the wall. and she din even care. n xh laughed at me. haha. she laughed. not cos auntie there juz shrugged and walked away. but bcos the sight of me being 'thrown off' was hilarious. sighz!
tok abt bimbo. miss xh. has joined us.
today while jaywalking. some lorry came by. a strong gust of wind.
xh:"ooh! so much dust!"
kl:aiya nevermind one la.
xh:"WHAT!? u know the pores in the face dun open n close as and when it likes. "
acc to a very scientific viewpt. its true. but haha. i was expecting her to say something like. maybe. so much dust. wait get into the eyes.never in the world wld i expect pores to come into the picture.

on a less bimbotic discussion.
recently nkf has made headlines.
8 cars.1k gold taps n 1k plus toilet bowl aside(y wld anione want a 1k plus toilet bowl????den can bring ur dinner and sit and admire?).theres a 6ook bonus.
of cos. i dun wish to comment much.since this is a senstive topic. i have been also donated to them b4.
all i can say i would think twice b4 donating.

on a more bimbotic talk.
i saw a lot of cute guys today frm ACjc.Rjc. but i no padedophile.haha
one thing abt being a spectator.rather den a participant. u get to look at pple ard u.
i miss rj's uniform.oh ya. i also saw alot of chio rjc.acjc. sngs gals. anione wants?
and i miss the toilet at toa payoh. i miss the milo truck.

hihi.
haha.
its wednesday. haiz. thursday is tomorrow.more blood-y scenes
after thursday. i dun think i want to see anione animore. i will be an official TEEThless idiot. =(

juz checked my nxt sem time table.
n the world comes crashing down.
its not like i din expect the crap time. but u know. sumtimes u hope fer a miracle somehow.or at least some kind of rainbow admist the dark clouds. as if that will happen
haiz. it juz feels that there is nothing positive to look forward to
oh well.
juz take life as it is
somethings. u juz haf to be contented wif.


b4 i get into a depressed mood
ok. sch nats finals tmr. not that excited abt going down. i barely know the swimmer now. n its not like they dunno who will win.
been spending quite a lot these days. haiz. feeling quite guilty.
i shop. i eat. i go library. its a daily routine. feels so much like last yr. but i like it.
met ah soh yesterday. drove to queensway via nus. ya. dat ah soh la. dunno her way. haha ok la. my fault also.

n i haf discovered poei's secret(haha if poei reads this.poei freaks out)
poei bought a new phone known as the motorola v3.
bcos
the gal he has a crush on has e same phone.
smart guess?

today i realised to some tinge of regrets. my mum has threw away my rj's uniform.
darn! i kinda like them. i rem i had one skirt. which has a little stain on it. no thanks to miss low's horror chem practical lesson. and kailing the klutz's always spilling stuff here n there. not to mention i burn my own fingers sometimes. juz that i dun scream out loud. haha.i think that the little stain was caused by potassium permaganate. luckily the skirt is dark green.i kinda miss chem prac. n everyone's stressed up face.

sigh.
i dun want to go back sch.
watever la hur.i dun realli care abt anithing now.thats gd right=)

ha.went out wif bro today.went to shop a bit. ha. we even went to mango. haha first time a guy followed me into a boutique .n i tried on a pretty- nice white dress. well. i liked it. but i wun haf chance to wear it. so. i din buy.these days. my willpower's pretty strong.


another wk is gone. tmr is friday. haiz. before we know. sch's gonna start.
actualli. this hols. was pretty ok.
i got to slack. met up wif all my friends that i wanted to. pri sch.sec sch. jc. uni.swimming. i m not gonna complain that its boring. cherish ur time guys. before u know. its over. u wun even get to go out pple u want to. play hard! 1 mth left.

how to differentiate a cynic n optimist
cynics like me(to a certain extent), feel like a prisoner on a deathrow everynow n then. like. they feel the gloom of hols ending. they feel that what lies ahead is a picture of bleakness .n as if something bad will happen. see the worse of everything.
on the other hand. optimist.look forward to each day. look forward to the future.weave a web of dreams.
so. who will fall harder? a cynic or an optimist?

i dunno how to describe how i m feeling now.seems like i feel some weird feelings at this time of the night everyday.1.23am. watever la hur=)
reading this book abt etiquettes.
hope to feel sleepy soon

my gunbound is screwed. played wif aloy juz now. n it was absolutely ghastly. sry dude.


1.55. hungry.can't slp. i haven had e sleepy feeling for a long long time.still on msn.reading my bro's frend book. WHAT On Earth Am i Here For.its some kind of christianity bk. sounds like an interesting title.
but i m juz reading abt the non spiritual part.


haven met up wif anione fer quite long. did i miss anione? of cos NO!! hahahaha ok la. i miss crys. i miss xiuhui. they baked cookies without me. i din miss sharon.cos she is evil. i miss aloy. bcos he is too busy looking fer gf to haf time fer us. aniway. take care everyone

yup.3 days since my 1st traumatising experience.
watched Be With You with brother today.suddenly so nice to accompany me .ha. aniway there is this little kid who is so cute. that when he cries. u feel sad. yup. a love story. somehow e morale of the story to me is that love can be wonderful and painful. the wonder of being in love. n losing someone u love. but then again. those kind of love u see in movies or tv. its rare to find or experience them in real life.
and pple fall in love.only after considering so many cirumstances and criteria. looks.wealth.figure. religion. background. character.so many things.

true love? bleah.fat hope.

back to me.
well. i haven been in a very good mood these days.
u can't really expect me to be in a good mood right.
but being oblivious abt things does make one better. oblivion in the sense. i dun realli care much abt trivial stuffs now. hard to elaborate. and i shall not.

being feeling very hungry these days. mayb i will bcum a fat pig the next time u all see me
but watever. its not like i can eat much stuffs.i walked arf orchard today. so many nice food. n all i could do was drool and stare at them.
bumped into some ex Rj pple today too. but all i could was smile n wave. i din feel like talking.

read crys blog. sch nats. heats this wk.finals nxt wk.
can bet half a packet of peanuts Rj gals will win. i dunno if i will say i miss sch nats.
there were painful memories.
but the competitiveness. the thrill. the excitment.the happiness. is something i know i will nvr experience again..
but swimming nats is too '2' sided.. its always btw e ACS/Mgs n Raffles. and every year their supporters practically fill the entire pool. oh well. match support plays a large part. haha.

oh well. 2012.london. actually. i was more like wondering.2012.how will we be then.

hey guys. haha some photos of RJ's days.... courtesy of lawrence.

sc n debra!

rence!! see.how A lvl has caused him so much stress

hmm y m i taking rence's photo n he is posing fer me!ha

xm's $50 one trick cheap thrill trick fer shiwei's bday.

ahaha.bird n rabbit.

haha this rabbit realli ben dan! pple take him sleeping he also dunno!

how do i ever get through this

and last minute jitters again.
nah. not gonna run away already.if not i know i will regret again.i dun want to live my life in regrets.
so heck it la.
n so i won't abandon my blog.
not yet.
blogging. takes my mind off some stuff.


roddick.lost.not surprised. but he is cute.
aniway
had an interesting day.

i got stalked from tampines to parkway.
well dun ask me how i know i was stalked. since if u are being stalked u are not supposed to know. but i mean. after i retraced back things abit. i realised the scary truth.
its realli quite funny. n freaky.
u see. on a pretty sunday afternoon. i wanted to go to cathy to catch BE WITH ME. the supposedly nice show. yes watch alone. since my brother says i will cry watching it. i wun want to watch it with anione.

but then i was too lazy to go.mayb nxt wk when i feel better.
n so i decided to juz go tampines .and den since tampines is small n boring. n since my mum wanted to go parkway to eat, i took bus 31.

n den this guy in black took the sit next to me. next as in not beside me. aniway. watever. i thot he was staring at me. but i couldnt realli be bothered n i mean who the hell in the right mind would want to stare at me? so i put on my shades n started to stone. and den. in between my stoning session,i thought he kept looking at me. but i thought mayb he was looking outside the window. i mean. wat is there to look at?and den so the bus reached parkway n i got down. n he got down. den somehow as i was walking towards the mall. i noticed him walking beside me.

things getting a bit more suspicious. but i thought. aiya. parkway of cos everyone go to the shopping centre rite. so aniway. haha this is getting very long winded n boring. so aniway at the shopping centre, i saw this gal with a nice toothy grin. n then i realised she is the dream girl of someone i knew n had showed me her friendster pic b4. (*cough. f!0&@)
no prize fer a correct guess.
n so i forgot abt the guy n stalked her.

and den as i was getting out of the shop after being terribly bored of stalking. there he was. waiting outside. and there goes the pickup line................. hahahaha. i wanted to laugh. i mean. hello!!!!!!! of all the gals there. wake up. take a look at all the pretty girls around u.n wait till i put my braces. see if u still dare come. aniway. it was a bit freaky n i din realli dared to wander ard parkway anymore.

morale of the story: stalked n get stalked.

n its monday. D-Day.
haiz.
shall go cry now.
"is this a dream. or is it real.
i just hope to find a little peace of mine"

presenting to u the autumn collection.

did u guys miss these photos?






notice sharon hiding.                                

 

haa thats how u all will look 20 yrs down the road.

of cos i din post my own la.

i cldnt resist writing some stuff after looking at aloy's blog skin.
it just brings back so many nice memories......... we all look so carefree n happy. then.
yup alot of things in life is fated isnt it. out of so many people in this world. don't u find it amazing that only a few people managed to leave some kind of footprints inside your heart for a lifetime. out of so many swimmers. e 5 of us somehow formed a bond that no one can enter..


to the other people out there. i m sure almost everyone has had some kind of so called clique.friends who have walked with u for these years.sharing all your happiness and unhappiness. friends whom u may not see everyday but are the people u fall back on at the end of the day. cherish them=)
of cos. there are a few others out there. who have gave me such nice memories. u may not be at my side now or in the future. we may not see each other often.but memories are there to stay forever=)
i m not a sociable person. i m happy wif just a few group of close friends.
i guess i m feeling kind of sentimental today. this is so unlike of me.
mayb going to watch this sappy movie my brother recommend me today. i think he cried watching it la.=P
i want to pack a suitcase and run away. i feel like crying. boo hoo hoo.
but i m gonna be kailing the great.=P
all of us have our own worries. unhappiness.
but happy or sad.
life goes on. time still pass by.

and. i like suntec. i hate bugis.haha

"and if we can make it through the darkest of the night. we have a brighter daY
the world i see beyond your pretty eyes make me want to stay"

gonna abandon this blog fer a while... wun b blogging so often..till den.... we'll meet again..haha

hello!
feeling slightly better
food and retail therapy plus some self entertainment. =P
i managed to scare my brother by jumping out suddenly in e dark. hahahaha love the face.
yup. i was in a very very bad mood these days.
fear.
wa lau. in two days time must pluck 2 teeth. sian la.i m FREAKING scared can. i m VERY scared of blood.
never felt so scared b4. i rather take some exams den go through this. hahaha
can back out now .
but escaping is fer cowards.
i m not a heroine. but one gotta do wat one has to do.haha.
pain.ugliness. will be fleeting. gif me some self consolation please.
haha aniway. watever. must get over this mood swing. n not let it affect others around me.
i onli haf a weekend left. to play. must go eat n eat n eat. n i will feel better. haha no la. not those tv serial where the gal eat n eat den get fat. i haf to eat cos i think i will lose weight the nxt month. so. to prevent myself from turning 2D. must put on some weight now. if u see this gal walking alone on some street eating like some monster. it has to be me. haha
=)
nitez n take care everyone.
u will all be missed. haha

1230.
tennis. another match coming up.sharapova.beauty vs beast.
i juz dun feel like sleeping so early today.at least i know i have venus williams n sharapova to accompany me later.
n these days.even when i m out wif pple. i m in some sort of trance.


wats a blog. when there are so many things u can't say even though u want to.
wat i write..its all so shallow n dumb isnt it..


yeah. i m slowly losing faith in a lot things
watever
i haf pple telling mi.. that i m those pple who dun seem to be very much affected by things around me. that i m emotionless. maybe. i dunno if this is the way i try to make myself to be. but i know i m vulenrable at times. i dunno when i will break down some day too...


but again i stress. i m not going bonkus. i m stronger den i look
and realli. wat lifes without going through some ups n downs.
the nxt few post will b happier post else i wun blog=/
aniway. met a few pple today. was suppose to bring a classmate to explore the east. but wat do i know. abt places ard me.
crystaL GoH suYi. WAT the hell!! dunno why she go KATONG la.. and HAF to be SPOTTEd by me
sarah ann khOO. on e bus. hasnt change much. but juz as i was commenting abt her n sharon's kicking speed.n she 'appeared'.
alethea kerk. cold storage. a long long time ago. we were in the same OG. a long long time ago seems only yesterday.

1.40am.thursday
den friday.den sat.den sunday.
it was onli yesterday. i horned at some bloody taxi driver who cut into my lane.spew some bad words. strolled under a slight drizzle. it gets quite beautiful. e weather.found some serenity n peace fer some weird reasons.
avril's song ~losing grip . perfect song n lyrics. to match my can't b bothered mood.
andy roddick.vs sebastian grosjean. 5-2 now. a ghastly shot by roddick.

another cold night.

do i sound unusually happy these days
going out.. wif pple...friends... suddenly play such an important in my life at this point.
its true.. it does takes my mind off certain things.. but at the end of the day..
the emptiness n unhappiness is still there inside me..

these days... i have lost the motivation n inspiration to do things..there is no dream or goal. i take life and things as it comes to me.
but right now
i juz can't seem to be bothered with everything around me.

droive fer an hour n ahlaf alone today
love e peace