from bedok to nus to clementi to indian shop
ntu tmr
this is how i waste my days
no prize for guessing correctly
what i've been doing

10 days..
time really fly by without u knowing
may,june,july. i can't remember how i spent the hols
was touched by crys n xh's offer to send me off.. since the flight is at unearthly hours
haha but u guys dun have to=)
wait i cry n refuse to get on the plane how!?
n thanks to aloy..for taking leave yesterday=)
n crys for the teddy bear earrings.. I'll wear it. hah!
n sharon.have a great trip to perth!

more pics
just don't feel like sleeping early today
--couting down the days-- 

will miss u all=( 

today my darling boy told me he got scratched by durian cos he ran into them.. haha so poor thing right? but i kept laughing..hahaha no la. if i were there i would scold e durian seller or haul one durian at him. and then he knocked his head into someone in sch. so it was red. and when i asked him when he knock his head. he told me from ubi to bedok... haha so cute!! i don't know what he was talking abt.
anyway
my last day at work
bade a tearful farwell to him
my other darling was sick.. boo hoo hoo..i cldnt even terrorise him for one last time



so many things to buy n do
haiz
i feel the same old dread creeping in
which occurs towards e end of hols
=(

14 days
i haven start packing. in fact i have not bought my luaggage. haha. maybe i am waiting for night of the 11th and then i will start panicking n packing.u know. some sort of cheap thrill.. =/

work will end nxt week.
sigh.i'll miss my 2 boys..=(
they have made my days really happy=)
i haven smile so much than e past 5 weeks.
no wonder they say kids are a bundle of joy.actually. i think i m in love with a 3rd boy. haha frivolous indeed.
no to mention, i'm an extremely bias person who practise favourism.they get better treatment n presents. i am only nice to people i like.

i really wonder how they will all grow up to be
on the other hand, i may be somewhat pyschotic n sometimes i enjoy making kids cry. hahaha.i was joking.

these 5 weeks have been great.really.honestly.living in a world of innocence and free of facade,complicated relationship. i simply dread the day i have to go back to nus.it's like an antithesis of my life right now. of ugly and unhappy days.of people u don't really want to see but have to.

anyhow
got so much stuff to settle and do
must TRY to meet up with friends.
lotsa friends' 21st on the way. i'll be celebrating mine in e cold winter of iowa. haha. no fear. i'll build a snowman for myself. or find myself a farm boy. hahaha
-tako pachi.tori Q. -

buddy time
the bird was shopping fer his daughter.
i was shopping for my boy
e bird looks tanner n better
while the bear is still as ghastly as ever 

and then the hermit life begins.e phone is down. msn are for weird hours with no one there.
i attribute this to surfing too much nus website.looking @ cors crap.which occurs at the twilight of my three months of lovely holidays.

i know of only one fellow RJ hero enterting chem eng. e one who commented he will b there to increase the no. of cute guys in chem eng =.= haha
of course. happy babe and hunk watching everyone
new sem marks a new facade. which manifest itself in orientation. (orientation camps are a big no-no haha)
everyone is nice. guys and girls check out each other. haha.
and excitment soon retreats into dread

'They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor'
''lifehouse----blind''

haha i sound so morbid
ok anyway that aside
its monday tmr=)
looking forward to my 2 eye candies. haha
see yer all nxt wk=)

party today
food food food
pretty kids in pretty customes
i am so in love with my two little boys;P
if i have kids like them i will love them to death
i only manage to get the photo of one of them. so cute!
i m very sure i want kids next time. if not my own kids, i'll adopt.haha

on e other hand
hols are ending because cors is starting.
somehow hols is like a dream. all rainbows n butterflies. no stress.no late night of mugging.feeling tired.wanting to sleep but not being able to due to endless schwork.no drooling on textbooks.gg out with friends. wasting time on trivial stuff.shopping.eating. watever
n pretty soon
we will all go back to reality.sighz

shopping!
saw a very nice mini skirt today but decided against buying it because my thighs are too fat for it. sob! it was those kind of skirt i always wanted to buy=(
n then i spent alot on facial products.sigh.
its hard being a girl. in e sense.i think girls in general have more to spend on as compared to guys.from hair products.to facial products.some have to spend on makeup. and then there r the never ending amount of uber nice clothes n shoes to buy.accessories.earrings. chains.cute stuff.
of course maybe for some guys, they spend alot.because they have to spend on the girlfriend. *cough*(like e one in melb)hahaha. and then there are some vain ones like lala. hahaha

but for people like me. i have less to spend on.since no matter how much money i spent. i'll still look like a witch. hahaha.but i have to spend the minimal so that i do not become the ugliest of the witch. haha sounds very morbid again.

whatever
monday blues!!!!!!!!
see yer all next week!

hmm a relaxing day today
spent e morning watching tons and gazillions of shows that i've recorded over e weeks
and then met the bear-friend-cum-gay.got spotted by cousin.who threatened to complain to mummy.chilled at tcc.took neoprints with me looking ghastly as usual. checked out guys at num.
it's been long since i roamed orchard with friends.

late night of mapling.msn chats.blog surfing.tv watching.
ah.precious weekends.
bro back to melb fer his honeymoon. haha.he was back but not really back. because i think he spent most of his time out with someone.haha.although it was still nice to have someone to play maple with.
today i realise i may b a paedophile.
i m in love with two little guys whom i think are very adorable n good looking
hahaha then again, i may also b a bi, since i also like this little girl whom i think is so cute

so in the future i will marry a guy 15 yrs younger than me n then maybe i will have a few kids n hopefully they are cute.since i m a paedophile.must have kids to play with me.
haha
sounds morbid.slap yourself twice if u believe me.
although after watching this reality show yesterday abt what happens to women after they gave birth is giving me second thoughts. stuff like ugly stretch marks on e tummy to balloning frm 45- 90 kg.uh-oh.

today i have cravings for
bah kwa.haha

time is really flying by.mid july alr!!
cherish the remaining days of hols!!
i m counting down the days alr=( =) (mixed emotions)

happy birthday to debra!!

i think i've come too far to change my mind
not that i have regrets
one should never look back anyway
life's back to normal n i am fine with the way it is
stress-free at the moment.
nothing to feel sad about.
nothing to feel happy about.

the only thing i enjoy is-eating.

changi village nasi lemak aint that fantastic what.i think its over rated.
but well i do have cravings for
1)soup spoon--that mushroon thingy
2)pasta-those creamy type
3)steamboat
4)yong tau foo
5)fastfood.

of course.when girls start eating.they put on weight.
haha.

no work tmr=)
which explains y i am still online
half day on tue cos i have to go sch=)
ok its july already. one day zoom pass really fast
before i know it, aug will b here
excitment,apprehension...mixed emotions basically.in some way,i cant wait to get away frm life here,yet on e other hand, there is still e fear n inertia in me.
well at least work keeps me from thinking abt anything
so in a way, life is happier.haha
accompanied a friend to shop today.conquered orchard. i realised today. gasp!its not easy to buy guy's clothes too. esp since i have nvr bought any clothes fer guys b4.n my fashion sense is quite bad apparently. so hopefully when he wears e shirts no one give really bad comments.
n i'll b glad already since this is honestly the 1st time i shop fer guy's stuff

bleah
haven done anything fun/exciting these days=(
except playing with monsters. hahaa

hello!
back! its friday! haha
some of u are quite curious abt what i am working as,
well i am the cai fan stall helper, meaning i help to cook and i get paid 8 per hour,yesterday i cooked curry chicken and pork chop
HAHAHHAHA ok if u believed the above.. i will faint

anyway work is fun though tiring
i could really bang the wall sometimes but its good to work cos it means i dont shop or waste $

anyway to divert
M)phosis has REALLY BAD SERVICE. and i realise their clothes are LOUSY. haha bad experiences from there so i doubt i will go there anymore

weekends=)

just a quick update
i am still alive
sleeping less than my usual amount
since bro is back home albeit not at home most of the time due to reasons which cannot be divulged.
i dunno if i should feel happy for him
i think i have become very cynical about stuff
this wk in brief
changi airport,sentosa,mango sales(mummy's e best!)
anyhow
will be starting WORK next week...till e end of hols. till the time i leave this sad place...
bye bye hols. no more going out n slacking=(

and to the whole world out there:stop asking me about stuff
my answer will still be:don't ask

如果难过请你忘了我

these days
i feel insignificant
and tired of e facade that i have to put up

with a coconut at glutton's bay

today i discovered lotsa exciting stuff
one is this cool gallileo thermometer at city link which took me 5 min to figure how it works
another was at esplanade. theres this shop that allows u to make u own teddy bear!! basically u choose ur own teddy's skin n fill it with cotton using this machine.n then u can even choose clothes for it! the only bad thing is it cost 29.90. if not i would make a taptap bear. haha
and then theres e adidas shop that display soccer boots of different countries.

exciting day!

hah ok anyway i m gg mia.
i think i have said too much.

this is taptap

a happy girl in maple

laughing at herself

anyway maple aside

i've made 2 decisions recently

both are to leave

there isnt much to make me stay honestly..

so thats basically all i have to say

am i sad? not really.. in fact i am bemused by my own nonchalance.. hmm (*slap face*wake up!) haha

i never mentioned before that my endurance level was never high

i hate long-distance swimming n trainings

like y torture yourself so long anyway?

ok that aside

went sch to settle some stuff

ok i honestly do not see e fuss of that cheese prata

or mayb i went to e wrong stall..haha

`-`Even if the stars refuse to shine

I won't worry I won't see your face again`-`

courtesy of kai ling

haha

life's is never easy
somehow someday u will find yourself making important decisions
or facing things n problems that u have never experienced before

out with my favourite people today
i actually miss the carefree training days n years where we basically engage in more trivial n bimbotic conversations. these days.it seemed that we all have our own problem.job.work.studies.life.relationship.
we all have to grow up i guess

yesterday i was talking to e old buddy bird
n i promised him e nxt time if i get married he will be my best man. but then again i cant have a best man so i figure i will let him be e one who holds e part of e gown that drape on e floor. alternatively he can be my bridesmaid. i wouldnt mind really.
but e probablity of that happening is low bcos i think it will take me cows years to find e right one.
n then he promised i can be the one holding his suit(ya must make long long like gown like that) as he walks down e aisle with his bird sao. n i will ,of course make sure i pull it hard so that he falls. n then all e 6B people will scold him'ben dan'!

ha crap aside
n then i went home n got into a rather bad verbal exchange with my dad over flights tics n stuff. n then i got very disgusted n so here i am typing rubbish
i feel calmer now actually. after talking lots of rubbish to people online.

n then crys is helping me find a job. i dun really mind not working actually. because if i do. i wouldnt have time to go out. n then its e hols. how often in life do u get to relax like that?
but then again. since i m not rich. i wldnt mind some extra $. and it beats wasting time reading on how to be a lightning mage . haha

i have decided not to give myself more burden of the mind by not thinking of anything.
sleeping time=)

haha was looking at pics..this is uber-cute. i mean e one in e middle. i can hear her cussing @ me now! thanks babe anyway for e lovely flower=) 

no
kai Ling is still disgusted.
but i think i am lucky that i have these few really nice buddies n friends who have tried to make me feel better=)
some say my endurance level quite high. i think so too
maybe i must thank ricky' s n kang's training in e past.
maybe getting away will be a good time to sort things out with myself as well.



that aside
i have not been doing much recently
except.. spending money and going out. sleeping (at 1,waking up at 11)n eating well. some stuffs are not worth ur mind n energy.
people often speaks of feelings. like u ask someone. why he likes a girl. he says he dunno. n says'feelings lo'
to me. its just something that will come n go
just like any other things in e world
of course some love saints will beg to differ
but i m not in the mood for a debate

and then the thing abt shopping
is that my willpower has declined
but all in all. i have been spending lesser as compared to e past
n i try to tell myself that 'there are too many nice things in the world and one can never finsh buying them'
to stop myself frm buying stuff


anyway
i am not quite sure how i spend time. but somehow i always manage to find stuff to do every day.
world cup fever.. but i m surprisingly not interested in it. maybe i should lezrn frm crys or my jc class guys n start betting on soccer. like that i will watch it more.

that aside
bro's coming home
i hope i still have internet access
haha.if not. my night-time entertainment aka maple(yes that crap game la. cannot ah) will b gone. n i will have to resort to reading. hah or watching soccer!oooh

n hhaaha i brought taptap out fer a spin.ok no la. my mum n i went out. i just took taptap to e car
it sure was fun dodging weird glances frm neighbours

haha
a random post with no connections cos i wrote them in btw 'resting' time in maple.

mayb i worry too much
mayb i think too much

these days i have been thinking too much

some stuff that used to matter alot. has lost its priority in my life

i am not being childish or practising self-denial when i say these

i have never been so clear n so awake than the past few days

like finally seeing where things are heading to

alot of things n decisions in life. u gotta figure out urself. i remember saying something abt hoping fer a special confidante in my life. true, i have many loved ones n close friends whom i am appreciative of. n i really mean it. but when it comes to alot of things.. i still pretty much feel that i am alone to face them myself
maybe thats how.one grows up. or learn to be independent

and the thing abt apologising and saying sorry
i find the phrase.'u can forgive but u can't forget' so true now
whats really the pt of saying sorry. esp one without sincerity
so i kill ur dog. and den i go 'oops sorry'
did u think it help? i think e damage has already been done


another post which leave u thinking.'wat the hell is she talking abt?don't make sense'. watever.

"If I could be like that

I would give anything

Just to live one day

In those shoes

If I could be like that

What would I do?"

i am contented to be me.

love me or hate me

it doesnt matter

the thing i hate abt people is that they dun have a style of dressing on their own
n the thing i hate most
is that people tell me.. oh go n follow xxx's style
u know what. i feel DISGUSTED n INSULTED
i think i am who i am
and if u like xxx's style so much
u are welcome to worship or embrace xxx
i don't need to be a clone or a faggot living in someone's else shadow

i can't help but laugh at myself
like this is the road i have chosen myself
n of course i must end it myself

i was wrong
i am not going to be a nun.or rather i do not wish to me one
i hate lonliness. this may sound so faggot-ish. but i realise. i hate night time. when i am alone lying in my bed.armed with only two teddies. i hate the silence.the darkness. or when i am walking at night. i hate it when its dark and quiet(not that i do walk like that. but i will just pass by some places like that)
n when i lie alone at night
i think n think about so many stuff. and it is so hard to fall asleep
and these days. it did not help i am going bonkus.seriously.
in the past. i do not ever confide in people. but these days, it seems i wish i had someone whom i can talk to, someone who will listen to my craps and someone who gives me advices, encouragment
some days
i wonder if its better to be normal and go with the flow or be different n go out of the box.sometimes i am contented with my average looks. average brains. average's the word.sometimes average isnt a bad thing isnt it.
sometimes
i think. that the more we think abt wanting something, the more we will not get it.
i actually thought of alot of stuff yesterday night before i sleep but i can't remember them.
anyway
these days. please ask me out. if i stay at home n think abt stuff i will really need to go to the asylum soom.
ok.
u know. i really don't know what i am getting at. i'll try to sleep well tonight. m not think of rubbish
tata

~here comes the rain again falling from the stars~

haiz
haven been blogging
its the hols but i feel troubled by stuffs.but i dont wish to talk abt it
n 1 month has crept by..
bleah
sure blog when i am in a better mood=)

too lazy to type
haha 

comparison
it never cease to exist

kl 's discovery of the day: to sleep well,read wheres wally b4 u slp
xh chalet. struggled to keep myself awake till 4.
happy birthday. dun worry girl the chalet was great
n i had my own fun.
1)eating n eating.
2)pulling aloy shirt to torture him during night walk.. when all my beloved friends abandon me for their bf.*shake head*. tsktsk
3)bbq-ing satays. putting lotsa margarine onto all e bbq food. *evil laugh*
4)watching carrie. at 2am.freaking myself out
5)lying in e bed.listening to the snorings. which ranges from the sound of the engine of the motorcycle. to the opening of tap water.to deep rhythmic breathing sounds.

n now. back to more sleeping
~adieu to u~

bleah i finshed watching my da chang jin today
i don't sound happy because this means for the rest of the hols i'll be stoning in e morning. but i love the korean guy.haa
ok so today was results day
it was alright.... just like e previous few sem.
i am still doing nothing for the hols
i would stay at home the whole day if my mum would stop nagging at the stuffs i have to do for my visa n stuffs
i m still apprehensive.. sigh
but it seems most probably i may really be flying to iowa for my exchange prog.
n then i can start farming there n then when winter comes i can truly hibernate

that aside
this wk in short
met the bird on wed.bird is going on a honeymoon to europe with his bird sao!how fortunate!

met sharon n xh on thur to buy xh present.levis jeans n risis bracelet. n i am broke.
n xh's chalet tmr
maybe i can find some corner at the chalet to hide n stone too. but i'll make sure i appear at dinner time. haha
oh n if i really going to iowa. means i will not be spending my 21st birthday in singapore. means u all better send me my present there! ha no present means i m gonna detest u for the nxt 1 yr. haha ya. i rem presents.
bleah. who knows. i might change my mind. if i feel like it.

ok off to pack my bag. haha FOR the CHALET. n to zzzz. hopefully i get to slp tmr at the chalet.

okie.....really lazy to blog
lets see
life's pretty slow n lazy these days
haven really been going out but stoning n lazing ard at home mostly;
enjoying the twilight of peace n care-free-ness, for reasons known only to myself.haha

anyway
a 'class' photo of 6B taken last last wk , courtesy of serena:)
hehe lui n yj!!!(ya kill me;P)
heres wats left of e class @ 9plus.











ok the lazy one will be going mia from blogging once again. bleah

out with the girls again .ripped this off sharon's blog
pple who never fail to make me laugh n take my mind off stuffs
reminiscing abt old days of training,yr end trips. crushes.scandals.haiz
i realise. i was someone who just cared abt trainings back then.haha
ok aloy we missed ur company too
its still so funny to think abt how aloy bullied sharon last time. hehhe
stoning tmr finally. hibernation is here=)
n EXERICISNG TMR!!!

ok i m too lazy to post all e pics...............
my mum n auntie has taken over e desktop and i m back to my laptop
so no maple. i m left with looking at pics and crap websites i used to surf while studying.n eating popcorns n putting on more weight
oh and my eye is a little swollen. which is why i m at home.
being out the whole week. yakking away non stop. tired.
6b outing yesterday. hahahaha. WONDERful day ;)
and now
time for me to hiberbate again.
by nxt week i wld have reach a decision=)
take carez!

yummy yummy yummy 

ok anyway we cant see the maggie mee here. 

for aloy. the camera owner=) 

Pics! 

and then i forgot crys's classic statement yesterday
on seeing a bag, she said
"ay 440 dollars. quite cheap leh"
hahaha

tired day.
i feel glad to have friends around me. at least when i am out with them. i don't think so much.. just gonna let everything to fall into place itself. for those who don't understand..its ok. haha but having talked to many people online.. i think most of u know what i am getting at.
but i guess nxt week i'll be stoning at home n banging that wall at my fave corner of the house.

that aside. had a nice day out with the acksx. oh i cut my hair short until its as short as a guy's hair.*roll eyes* joking la!! hahahha its still e same old boring ghost hair style la.
Crys PERMED her hair n it's now as delicious as magggie mee
Xh rebonded her hair. n she's now guai n demure once again
sharon is 3mth pregnant with kids. haha joking k babe!u look great.
aloy. is still.aloy. so VAIN.
n kl is still kl. the zombie. OH AND EVERYONE SAYS I PUT ON WEIGHT!!!!!
took pics....... will post them soon once i get them from aloy. n then we will all sit n laugh at cry's hair. hahahha. ok la.it aint that bad. i was exaggerating

but happiness is so fleeting isnt it.

slacking ard with the ah soh today
and then i walked aimlessly for i don't know how long around city hall.
yes i am troubled. and i need to find my answer
i really hate making decisions
i realise. even though i am stoning. i am not thinking.my blank is a blank actually.

SIGH

ice cream coffee kaya toast
i feel fat
bird i demand a uzap .
haha
i think alot of friends are actually pretty nice girlfriends n boyfriends
they think of what to buy n what to do for their bf/gf MONTHS before their actual birthday.

and ok. i m gonna buy that pair of wedges i saw today.haha
but ok la. this hols. i've been more thrifty. thanks to hibernation.
class outing at kopitiam k.haha

ok so this wk i will be coming out of hibernation n meeting up with friends
i dont want to think so much n make myself zombified
and then nxt week i'll get back to my wall at that favourite corner of the house
although i am actually not bored yet, despite hivbernating at home.surfing e net aimlessly,playing that maplegame,watching dumb shows. in fact i quite like being a cave woman.
MI3 today with little chi-hwa. very predictable plot.good guy is actually the bad guy. tom cruise will be hero no matter what. anyway little chi hwa is getting cuter. hahahaha.pls dun puke. hahhaa
anyway. i have to say going out with the lazy one here can be really boring
well.......u can't expect much from someone whose best friend is the wall at that corner of her house

a commendable fight
so close yet so far

maybe someone can give me an answer
else i will be sitting at one corner of the house for the nxt few days thinking n pondering and no answer will come out of it
i've been sitting in front of the comp listening to melancholic songs for 1hr to make myself think better. befor that i have been killing fire boars in maple for 1hr, doing nothing but pressing the space bar and trying to find an answer.
life has its twists and turns
haiz

and 4 days later
i am still that stone
games.guys.shopping.clothes.food.sleep. tv.
are still unappealing to me.
*bang head*
not to mention obviously the lazy one has been ponning class outing.well it was to zouk. zouk n kailing are like a turtle and a dog. ??? whats e connection?? there's no connection. u bring her there, she will probably be hiding in one corner. gawking at hot n skimply dressed babes.haahaa.or she would have fainted from the smoke n loud music n the people dancing. not even the hottest hunk will attract me to go.

and that aside.

it will take alot of effort for the lazy one here to organise a 6b class outing. because smsing evryone will simply be too hectic .=P .but the lazy one will do something.once the ice melts and bears come out of hibernation

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
que sera sera

bleah

i m taking time off my games for the bird
WELCOME HOME BIRD*throws confetti*
the bird is back with 2 kids. called.bird junior 1 &2.he got married in michigan.. hahahahhaha


been just slacking ard..'recurperating' at home... each exam and semester in chem eng made me 10 yrs more haggard..by the time i graduate.i'll be 40 yr old auntie

back!
exmas are truly traumatising.....sighz.........
the nightmares.or equations n concepts.

being bothered by stuffs these days..........................sighz
hols are here finally.........
i think its high time i do something constructive like looking for a job....but before that...let me enjoy this pseudo peaceful and stress-free days of hibernation......just for a while more

sometimes i am deeply amused by myself...
when i see someone i know outside, be it my good friends, acquatainces,classmates or whatsoever.
my natural instinct is to hide.
today i saw a friend @ the train station. n instinctively i wanted to hide
after which i saw a classmate at marina square n instinctively i went to hide behind a wall. it must be the effect of mugging n hibernating too much

and once again. we bid farewell. as i embark on the journey of mugging n exams
am highly volatile these days
better left alone



This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Just one chance
Just one breath
----Far away--------
nothing beats the thrill of hearing the song u want to hear on the radio.yea cheap thrill.

life's so exciting these days.
so many exams so many tests so many assignment.
like being pushed to the limit. such great pleasure.
bleah
till then
take care!

2004 .2 crazy woemn.

2004













before braces
the one that left to melb. 

another horrendous day
n so
i am back with mr wall. my best companion. the one. i will bang my head with right now

hahaz.unglam photos war? 

i really hate this blog sometimes
it just serves to remind me of the times i felt bad n wrote unkind stuffs
and how i contradict myself again n again

like if i don't care i wouldnt b feeling this bad right?
so anyway it all boils down to learning to keep one's cool n emotions under control.
thats y i always think people like me should just stick with the wall.well at least the wall wont be angry if i want to bang my head against it. and i can scold the wall for all i like.
haa i am not making any sense simply because i am mentally drained. have not been really been sleeping well.yesterday when i closed my eyes. my mind filled itself with equations. from calculating some mass flux, the equations became some hybrid and agglomerate of rubbish transfer functions and equations on how long it takes to sleep. and then today i tried to scare my mum after i accidentally cut my knee. it wasnt a bad cut but she fussed over it. but i felt pretty sadist just staring at the cut n waiting for it to bleed...and henceforth no skirt(no bom bom thighs,haha) fer the week cos she poured some medicine over it. u know those yellow lotion blue lotion kinda stuff. pretty ugly. plus the cut itself.double yucky.
haha but all is fine .. i am not going bonkus. haha.just bleah. bland life n mugging period right now. makes me a dull and easily irritable person

just one word to desribe how i feel-->disgusted

i have seen the worst in things n people

Solitude is a freedom

and i shall not give any damn about anyone or anything from now onwards.

nothing is real in this world

why should i care
seriously why should i?

pple ard me turning 21
happy bday xm
crap.i cant believe i m gonna b 21 this year. i dont feel like i m that old. i still feel like i m 16. haha
but anyway i rule out possibility of any celebration
simply because. i have been skipping so many pple's birthday celebration,chalet.party etc
that i think as karma would have it. when i invite them they will go mia as well
haha


anyway
i m back at square one
feeling low down abt stuffs. no not him
i m just a little stressed by sch, weary abt stuffs
bleah

n i have infected an unfortunate friend of mine with this stoni-ness.haha
its just some kind of disease. u go around. staring into space. n a general apathy towards stuufs around

i think i m realli easily irritable these days
i attribute this to the fact that
every morning i get woken up thrice by 3 different alarms, at 7.30 8.30 n 9
n the reason why i am still allowing them to ring
is because i have no idea where those alarms are.
well at least in this way i will never b late for school

today on national geographic, they were showing crocodiles digging holes.
i want to dig a hole to hide too.

i went to sch late
cos i was home watching national geographic on penguines
i hate labs involving chemicals
5hrs of lab with toxic chemicals of horrendous smell aint fun.seriously

u know how sometimes
on mrt trains or bus u see someone u know. but don't want to talk to him/her lest there will b much awkwardness. n detest the thought of having to find some topics to talk abt
well it happenns to me before. or rather it always happen to me .today the actor n actress were a guy called BIG Q and a gal called little crys.
ha anyway to avoid having to talk to the person. u could
1) well PRETEND to be deeply engross with ur tutorials
2) u know she is goonna get off at the same stop. u know she is gonna take e same bus as u later on. so before the mrt reaches the stop. u walk away as far as possible first
3)of cos. act blur la. if suay suay she comes to talk to u. u say: oh i din recognise u so i din dare say hi.well. at least thats wat i said last time.
crys*cough.crys*cough.hahahaha

my unglam moment today
i tripped over e stairs n fell. *gasp*

met the girls for a quick lunch today.sharon is happily in love. ta da da da wee. haha
well
had to abandon them while they were deeply engrossed with this turn turn machine
nevertheless was great seeing them all again
and making plans for e hols
but till then. sighz. never ending work.

anyway to add to my list of annoying pple
---gals who hog the dressing room. so the sign says. max 3 piece allowed. so they take in 3 la. ya. den after parading fer some 5-10 min. they decide.uh oh dun fit ah. so they send the boyfriend to take the other sizez. meanwhile they continue parading in front of the mirror. and so some cow years later the guy returns with the other size. n this thing goes on for a few more cycle as she parades in n out with that stupid guy there taking sizes fer her.just buy it la. n parade at home with him. =.=
i m sorry but i m highly irritable these days. sighz

haven realllllli been blogging because i just don't have anything to blog abt
life's just like that
everyday i go sch. come home.do tutorial, sleep.thats all. nothing else. eat sleep study.
just that these days
there had been a few moments where i feel like tearing my tuorials n notes n textbk up
and also
my appetite is growing
seriously. why bother going on diet.eating is an enjoyment. sounds bad huh. like i m heading towards the path of being a fatty bombom.
happy weekend everyone
i'll be enjoying myself too
with 1 lab report.2-3 assignemenr. 4 to 5 tutorials. WEE!!! happy!! =/

i read with disgust abt a man who tortures cats by pressing at their eyes n hitting their heads till e eyes n nose started bleeding
well at least he went to jail

hate fags.freeloader.dsilike alot of irritating pple.e way they do stuffs.
i dunno y these days i find some pple a major turn off.

its funny how much i shop
yet i seriously cant find stuffs to wear. i m sick of my old dressing style n clothes
but am too lazy to revamp my wardrobe
n den there is no need to dress up in engineering anyway
and pple like me shd just wear hideous clothes \to make myself more hideous.

little things ,people n stuff that turn me off
1)well needless to say bloody- taxi drivers
2) bitting on an existing ulcer
3)well bloody braces.haha its like once i bang into a wall.i get ulcers. hmmm although why is it i keep banging into walls n cupboards n stuff is still an enigma
4)pple who tries too hard,who are just too un-real .some act cute.some act chio.some act cool
5)pple with bad breath. who yawn and open their mouth at u. try the mrt train with some old uncle in e morning. wa. can die. n can u imagine kissing someone with bad breath? if i have,tell me. i swear i will go to the dentist immediately.period.
6) knocking into stuufs.see 3.
7)gossips.malices. talking behing pple bad.though i m guilty of it. but. sumtimes. one should know e limits .u know some pple hee hee haha in front of u. den condemn u behind ur back. at least if i dun like a person. i dun put on a facade. i will show that i dun like them.
8) being interrupted when i m in e midst of studying. i swear i will throw my book at u. u see. i think i m getting violent. cannot cannot. must b more girly..hee hee hee.(ya right)

9)typing a long posts n losing it. i hope this doesnt happen today

well a bad day
was disturbed by the loud noise that came from downstairs.............i swear i would throw a bomn down if i had one
well. tryied blogging. typed a longlong post n then i lost it
so i m not gonna do it again


this funny johari thing seems to b e in thing now
http://kevan.org/johari?name=tappy

the thing i hate abt people is that they dun have a style of dressing on their own
n the thing i hate most
is that people tell me.. oh go n follow xxx's style
u know what. i feel DISGUSTED n INSULTED
i think i am who i am
and if u like xxx's style so much
u are welcome to worship or embrace xxx
i don't need to be a clone or a faggot living in someone's else shadow

and 4 days later
i am still that stone
games.guys.shopping.clothes.food.sleep. tv.
are still unappealing to me.
*bang head*


que sera sera

bleah

wee!!! blogger Is so Great!! they restored my deleted blog
just a few weeks ago i deleted my blog on impulse. lost all my old posts n entries and was feeling a little sad
so evryone.choose blogger. they r good. haha

ok now that i haf my old blog....so i m thinking
shd i blog here or at my new blog

haha
maybe i'll talk abt less private stuff here n penn my weird thoughts at my secret blog. haaaa oh no
where shd i blog
aniway i dun haf time to blog aniway
so i guess. i will blog here sumtimes
n when i feel like scolding pple or when i start being depress.i'll do it at the other one.
bleah

aniway
i m just happy i got all my posts back=)
u know in case when i go to tibet to meditate nxt time i can check back at my life now

well i m still alive
going thur the same crap of chem eng

hhh

i m through with a lot of stuffs
its just like dismantling a completed jigsaw puzzle
taking one pieces out each day


watever
gonna be on hiatus.
goodbye

suffocating frm the amt of stuffs to be done
ailenated from the world

crappy lab today
had my embarassing moment again
so it was filtration time
n i ws supposed to collect some slurry
den the tap was tight.after attempting to turn it fer quite some time. n den i lamented. 'aiyo.cannot turn.no strength". so the demonstrator heard me. n offered to help. but it was a rather embarrasing moment. cos after that. this other girl. who is much smaller size than me. turned it effortlessly. and after that. throughtout the whole demonstration. the demonstrator kept laughing at me.

no one is indispensable


sometimes. u just have to wait. for things to fall apart on its own

so the darlings went visiting
n i was stuck at home. trying to clear the pile of work that i have accumulated
and once again. i missed out on all e fun.
mum went to uncle's hse for visiting n a feast. there was sharkfin.fried rice.waffle.nasi lemak chicken wing.
n so. double bummer. the acksx couldnt come my hse. cos they will have no ang bows.since my parents were all out.n i cldnt go their hse. n i cldnt join the feast since it was a whole day affair. n i was left.feeling rather disgusted n sad at home. n it wasnt a really productive day bcos i spent a rather long time combing fer lost sheets of tutorials. n eventually i searched the dustbin n there it was..Ewwwww. n den i stuff myself with food while studying. n by dinner time. i almost feel like vomitting.Eww..just another disgusting day.


sighz..miss you guys...=(
i cant find my acksx ring too. bleahz.let me go comb the warzone-room again.

for entertaiment
http://www.youtube.com/
try memoirs of geisha-mad tv

other pretty nice stuffs i found online
but r a tad too revealing fer me












n now. its back to books. heat n mass transfer. how long does it take.to burn a house down. 

n so i was realli bored. and so i was browsing online
n found some of the stuffs i bought recently
haaaa=.=

n post chinese new yr blues still remains
last fri. i watched movie
this fri.i watch webcsat lectures
sighzz

happy cny everyone
e past 2 days have been great
spending time visiting. although i dun exactly converse with my relatives. i guess the idea of being surrounded by relatives itself was great.just watching them, in their joyous mood, in their world of mahjong, busy stuffing themselves with new yr goodies,cracking an ocassional joke every now n then was a good feeling.it takes ur mind off stuff. away frm the burden of life,school n every other stuffs.
relatives lament that i am too skinny. but i must emphasize. i eat wat i can. and most importantly. its only my arms that are a tad too thin. i m not well proportionate. if u notice harder. n i m confident of a wt gain after new yr. i have been pigging out on the oh-so-delicious pineapple tarts n new yr goodies, ranging from sweets to chips to peanuts to cookies. n not to mention the countless round of steamboat n the massive amt of meat, fishballs,scallop,squid and more MEAT consumption.
but NO. no CHOCOLATE. not even a single piece.
but i must admit. sometimes my appetite gets really bad n i can survive a day with very little food. esp when i m moody or piss off. its like. i dun even have to eat. haha
and then. i realise. i m old. honestly.i used to be the generation of kids running ard screaming n playing games. but now. i m watching little kids do that. someone commented that in a few yrs time. i will b the one giving hongbaos. but i highly doubt so. given my not so great calibre. my weirdness. i doubt marriage will come so soon. and love is so unreal at times..but i haf plans alr. since they say if a woman doesnt get married by 30, then ITE already. i intend to join SDU at 28, allowing them a yr or so to matchmake me and by 30,i will grab anyone that comes to me.hahaha of cos if that day comes, i'd rather go vietnam to find a husband.

and as for now.its time to get back to reality.
e pseudo carefree n lighthearted days are over

every now n then
the same old feeling creeps back
it's silly thinking that some stuffs would change

preharps i shd explain why i detest sch
mainly bcos
sch is lonely n disgusting
i dun have people to hang out with. close frends.somtimes. i dun even feel like i m in a relationship. everyday i listen to lectures full of weird stuffs. n leave the lectures full of doubts.
in a way
sch has made me detached frm the world
old friends whom i dun haf time to go out with
subsequently. everyone.seems to haf drifted away frm me

my lecturers haf decided to reward us with new yr hongbaos. by giving us tests on the 15th n 16th of feb.
just a while back
went wif mum to the supermarket. n watch as everyone.do last min shopping. could fill the joyous mood ard me. but not in me. my semi hols mood. ended today. with memoirs of a geisha. a movie. i just haf to watch. n i know. after new yr. everything reverts back to the past. mugging. just mugging. no more.gg out.and talking to the wall. sometimes banging it. if i feel like it.haha

just another gloomy night
that i weave a picture of gloom fer myself
n talks incoherently

and from memoirs of geisha
a description i vaguely rem frm the movie

the heart is dead
with hopes taken away
just like a tree sheding its leaves
until there are no leaves left

disappointments, and only more of it
what is holding me back really?

anyway
more stuffs to ponder about
my exchange program to US has been approved more or less except fer 1-2 changes in modules
n suddenly i am grippled with confusion and fear
the notion of being all alone doing horrible n difficult modules alone in some university

i guess........i will just take things as it comes.....it all goes well with the application...i guess i will go.....n if my application screw up at the final stage..den so be it.

life
is so full of contradictions.

crys is right
there are too many pretty girls in singapore. the only way to stand out is to be ugly!!

and then u know how sometimes. stray cats are very irritating. they are mean. ugly. attack u fer no reason. there was once i was chased by a fierce stray cat fer no reason n had to run to hide. so the thing is that cats are mean, and no one likes cats.cats are detestable.just like me.i wonder if spca accepts stray cats. n if pple will adopt next time

crap aside. matlab is driving mi bonkus.well although chi new yr is coming. which reminds me. i hereby resolve not to buy any more clothes. take that as my chinese new yr resolution. sigh..and taht aside.probabaly to ne nice to pple.even if they r not.

yestreday i went on a never ending ride ard city hall n bugis. entering 3 erp fer no reasons. just cos i lost my way n missed 2 carpark of bugis junction n raffles city
n last sat. i cldnt be more glad my bro had his p plate on the car. cos i was at tm. n sigh. i was stuck at a parking lot fer prob 5-10 min.with a few cars waiting behind. it was painful i know.watcjing mi park. i felt the pain too...sighz..i have no idea wat i m doing these days anihow it seems.............ughhhh!

And all the roads we have to walk along are windingAnd all the lights that lead us there are blindingThere are many things that I would Like to say to youI don't know how

sometimes looking back at the past saddens me
its like.reading ur old diary. looking back at things back then
i dunno y. i feel a tinge of sadness.maybe its the realisation that some things will never be the saem again...........


extreme monday blues
seems like every night b4 i slp.
i weave a picture of gloom fer myself
i like the weeks leading up to new yr
at least. i still have an excuse to slack.shop.
after new yr
its. full time mugging.
well... i guess.....life's like that

n den i am feeling a little nauseous now. head throbbing in slight pain.mind swirling n full of stuffs...matlab. diferential eq.heat. kinetics.dynamics.tutorials.mid term on the 16th of feb. i feeling a little overwhelmed. n unwell. probably. the effect of staring at stuffs fer a day. this feeling is similar to the disgusting feeling i get after eating chocolate.maybe i m a dog.bcos dog cannot eat chocolate. they will die. i m seeing stars. sighz..........yup.its only the 2nd week of school.
i need a rest. or maybe. retail therapy. but if i continue to do so. i'll enuff clothes to last till 2010. n till den. all the stuffs will b out fashion alr. sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i know i m pretty weird at times
today
i was standing beside a rubbish bin, trying to fish out the remaining of my packet of prawn cracker. mayb i looked a little weird. as if i haf just dug the packet of crackers frm the dustbin. bcos this classmate of mine was staring at me. in a rather weird manner.

n den.... i got a little moody again. n the funny thing was. i know i m in a bad mood.but i dunno why. so on the bus. i kept asking myself. y m i feeling so bad.

n then of cos there are times where i say things that are just so weird.

2nd week into sch
n its suffocating me alr=(
well at least chi new yr is coming

ok so i heard the great news fer crys
sharon!@@#@#! hahaha

poei took mi on a dangerous ride today
well
1st he got horned fer well....abrupt lane changing near nus.he wanted to lane change into a car. haha
after which
he missed the ecp exit n went to cte
nxt he stopped in the middle of a road. bcos he couldnt lane change in order to get to some exit
den, he lane change to the left lane n fer some unknown reason, lane changed back to his own lane thinking its the same lane
nxt the sign says road work at lane 3.so i told him.dun lane change into lane 3.ok
so at abt 100m towards the site of road work,he lane changed into lane 3 ,
probabaly to the amusement of the driver behind
n the nxt thing he did was he knocked down 3-4 cones the workers haf put up.
hahahhaha i laughed till i cried.

n to lala: take care be strong k. regrets are inevitable in life. just cherish those ard u more. i'll keep ur advice in mind n do the same too.

experienced sthg that din make me feel gd today
was at u2 today payingfer stuufs
in front of mi was 2 banglas...or rather foreign workers.
so app...they were paying fer some shirts
n there was some mistake cos they thot the shirts were $13 each n it turned out to b $19
what got me alittle angry was the attitude of the 2 cashiers. they were extremely rude n impatient when the two men asked abt the price differences. n u know how most foreign workers cant converse well in english.n so they were a bit loss n din know what to say. prob he din want the shirts animore. but the evil cashier just thrust the NETS machine to him n ask fer his pin number. n so the poor man had no choice but to pay fer the shirts.
after he paid. i could see. him n his other friend. gg back to where the shirts were placed. looking n checking the price.
after which i overheard some mockery frm the two cashiers
one of them said"game over" probabaly meaning there is nothing the 2 men could do now since they haf paid fer e shirts. n the 2 of them were laughing.almost as if they were sneering at them.
i dunno. i just felt sad. n aghasted. by the 2 salesgirl
i dun think they should b so mean. after all.come on. these foreign workers are not rich n they sweat n toil fer every cent of their money.
sure. they do not have a gd reputation. u know.all the molest cases at all the countdown stuufs
but mayb. everything goes full circle u know. u be mean to them. n in return. they b mean to u.

these days
it just feeels so cold
the weather. people ard. life.

sometimes
i wonder
howmany of us treat people with sincerity
or do we
be nice to others
fer the sake of being deem as a nice person

feels sad somehow
maybe its sch=(

tumultous 1st day of sch
the feeling just isnt gd

bleah
long tiring day
sighz. if any of u are ever out with me.. n i look kinda stone or quiet all of a sudden..pls dun assume that i am dao or i m in a bd mood or i dun enjoy yer company or having u ard
sometimes. i m just too tired to smile. so i just stone in my own corner.n mind my own business

trying to get back into some studying mood. haiz. its like. changing my lifestyle all over again.

life's fragile
cherish all ur love ones ard u. really.

n so today marks the official end of hols

this hols
i must say was filled with nice memories.
~~all the acksx outing, stay over at crys's house, the kiteflying,xmas celebration,birthday celebration,ktv session,new yr celebration, the bitching, the shopping sessions... all the fun=).. i love u guys=)
~~ the ah sohs. shopping wif my new foound shopping kaki weiyi a.k.a ah soh 1.the xmas celebration at clarke quay..had fun just chilling out n gg on an adventurous ride..hope 2 see u guys again soon
~~ the one at home...playing maple...shopping..gg to the market n cooking ktv...playing with teddies.haha
~~the boy...our ups n down..our weird outings..ok i love u too.haha
~~the maple kakis. esp lala..gang-banging n scolding pple.(lala poei n taptap rawks!)=D
~~6B. the gathering.the buddy sw..the msia trip wif sw, rabbit n yj

and so.. as quoted frm lala. memories will fade but love will stay=D
see u guys all real soon!
life is a tragedy full of joys

had my fair share of fun
time to get back to my mugging mood.to b serious again. bye maple. bye bye to the outside world.haha.
not exaggerating.being in chem eng. does not permit fer any life outside sch. my nxt 4 mths will b filled with books n more books


to digress
having roamed the world these days
i gained "insights" to many things
1) i HATE it when pple yaWN and open their mouth to show the entire world their teeth. i think its quite rude. n ITS worse when they have bad breath!gawd. can faint u know.
2) and if u haf a gf, nvr make her buy food fer u. nonono. its sad to see a girl, carrying a tray containing 2 bowls of noodles, walking with difficulty. n the tray mildy shaking
3)i feel extreme sympathy for fat babies. those poor little cute chubby looking things dun know what they are in for when they grow up.yes. they look so cute now. their mum so proud of them. wait till they grow up. n reach 100kg.

i think i haf gained weight
haven been controlling my diet la. haha i just eat n eat.
but its ok la. i feel sad too when i see gals trying too hard to lose weight.

a rather long post... =(

every now n then
i turn into a monster
n break my resolution of trying to b nicer to my friends

being kinda feeling down these days
thanks to sch
which starts in 3 days time
and my screwed up sep application=(

so the week was spent
meeting up wif friends fer well the last time b4 sch starts
the acksx, the boy, the ah soh
i wish i haf time fer evryone else

ok of cos i m trying to break away frm com games
butthese days the 1st thing i do when i wake up is to on the com
n intuitively, i click on the maple icon
spent the night before with bro n a friend quarelling wif a bunch of people on maple
was apalled at their lack of general knowledge. ha a tad too childish hur.haha

well
4 mths of crap
n i will be free

i have learned to live each day as it comes
and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow

too bad.the above does not applies to me just yet

can't really describe
how i am feeling right now
maybe sad=(

thesedays
i can just be in my own world even when i m out with people
almost as if evryone ard me turned insignificant

i realise
i dun interact well in big groups



sch starting
guess
its time
i go into my own world fer the rest of e week
n roam the streets of singapore again
been too caught up with my com games
dat i skipped a class outing

shots frm new yr eve with acksx at east coast
me!

us=P

us!=)

'macho' man aloy

they dun want me.sob.see the two BIMBO nxt to me??! haha

so these days even as i try not to think abt the fact that sch is starting in ONE weeks' time, it appears that it is hard to do so
even as i decide to go shopping, fate has it that i meet NUS people
today,for example, i met ghost girl.ya if u haf forgotten her, she's e one who wears a long white dress n walk up n down the aisle of the lecture theatre
no she dun recognise me.duh.but the sight of her seems to send me an invisble msg "HEy ITS ME GHOST GIRL.U ARE GONNA SEE ME IN NUS IN A WEEK TIME"

and den today i realise y some people get hacked to death
u see
my mum n i was waiting fer the bus at the interchange
u know how sumtimes u dun join the queue but just wait at the side when the bus comes
so we waited at the side fer the pple in e queue to get up
n one FAT kingkong guy who looks fugly thought my mum was trying to cut queue
so he yelled"oi queue up lar"
u see. if i were some gangster ah beng or frm the tua pek gong society
he probably wld haf been hacked to death by now

these days
i seem to have abandon the world for my games
let me stay away from reality.....=(

shoppping spreeeeeeeee today
mayb i shd shop wif frends instead
at least they can stop me from buying stuffs
today seems to b the day in which everything i try seems to suit me.
so.................poof.the money is gone....
and it din help that every shops seem to b having sales...bleah

hmm...
y is it.guys enjoy reading FHM,maxim etc
but gals dun read men's health etc
or do they? haha

i m starting to feel the gloom of hols coming to an end
just the thought of it makes mi unhappy=(


aniway
nice day today
someone flew his 1st kite of his life
walked prob 2.4km...legs aching now.haha

i quite like this hols...too bad its ending
i will miss
hanging out wif the acksx... i miss all of u

the ah soh of cos. will b long b4 we meet up again

and i will miss
playing maple wif my bro n lala n my classmates
sob.............

just the thought of it
makes mi sad=(

sigh
hols coming ot an end
so much stuufs to do......so little time
i m torn btw gg out n playing games.sob.boo.boo.hate sch.dowan sch.bleah

went ktv wif bro. we rawk. ha.no we sux. we cannot make it.haha.
and had a GHASTLY dinner.cooked by bro.....EWWWWWWW!!hahaha u know things dun look gd when u see carrot appearing in all e dishes.well e soup has carrot. the veggie has carrot.the FISH has carrot.

=P

lazy to blog
a horribly bad day
the NUS staffs are all so unfriendly
bleah!

niway. went market today. felt a little out of place

n

i hate it when i m nice to pple n they r mean

my new yr resolution
1) study mugg study
2)be nicer to all my friends n love ones
3)lets keep it as that fer the time being