so sad
tmr is monday
to be optimistic. u go: one more week till sch.yipped
fer pessimistic ones likie me. i go:last monday to enjoy
sighz.
xh dear starts sch tmr.no more shopping kaki..i m so sad...............boo hoo hoo
and den NEVER ON the computer if u want to do any constructive stuff.like reading.
a harmless game of gunbound turned into a 2hr session
but at least
i m finally reading my modules now
i m fickle minded.............

today straits time article on something juz goes to show that my prejudice against a certain species of mankind is not based on my own personal conatact n judgement on them.

aniway.
i woke up.played gb. went online.watch tv. n poof. b4 i knew it.it was 4.3o . i wsa suppose to read some stuff n in e end i got so frustarted by e lack of concentration n the veri enticing laptop of mine. dat i gave up n went out.
haha

i m all set fer sch
i packed my bag. packed my file. bought my stationary. cleared my desk. cleared my shelves. cleared my drawers.

and i haf a terrible confession to make
crys dear. i m sorry. i wasnt there to witness how they torture u today.i m sorry. i was caught up with doing something important. i hope ur makeup was ok. i couldnt be of any use there aniway. except maybe laugh at u.or make u blink more
aniway. sorry again.i was watching tv when u msg me. u know.tv marathon.someone in e show died n iwas too distraught.

n den actualli. i itnk. i do get upset easily.

not surpirsing. i din do any constructive thing today. but who cares.

N
crys
post ur pic k.
=P

n den i know i haf tons of constructive stuff to do.like reading up on modules. doing constructive readings.
but i also know i haf onli a week of hols left

n den yesterday i feel asleep thinking abt something i wanted to blog abt
u know. i realise sometimes e way u are right now are shaped by how u r when u were young n how ur parents brought u up
well.let mi share with u the life story of a gal.
when little kailing was in pre-school.kindergarten.or pre-pri.
she was a mummy gal. she cried.whined.n bawled.like most kids.when her mummy left her at the kindergarten. when she couldnt draw a basketball during her exam,she screamed n cried. bcos she could only drew a normal ball n not a basketball
in pre-pri,her best friend was a guy. who sat nxt to her. n they played toys n ate together.(now dun ask me how i remember such stuff).
she din like to eat.n often. she threw away uneaten food during break secretly when her teacher wasnt looking so she wun be scolded fer wasting food.(now u see y i always dun finish my food)

then little kailing enrolled into red swastika pri sch.
her mummy brought her to n fetch her from school everyday. n checked on her. by talking to the teacher abt how little kailing is progressing.her recess time were spent at bookshop n canteen bcos she was forbiddened from playing in the field.bcos thats where all e bad kids hanged out.or at least thats wat she was told.(now u see y i dunno wats game like hopscotch or those rubberband games girls played).
her mum ordered food fer her everyday during recess so she dun haf to queue up fer food.
she is always late fer sch.despite living juz opposite to it.
when little kailing was in p1.she had chicken pox.and after that.her classmates shunned her.
when she was in p2.she had braces too.(now u see why big kailing has braces too)
her chi n form teacher picked on her everyday bcos little kailing toks too much.(do i tok alot now too?).she always got beaten or scolded.
in p3. little kailing joined competitive swimming. her dad decided she has potential in swimming rather den bball.tabletennis.badminton. n soccer.
talking abt joining swimming. haha i tink i was the 1st one to join among all of u.
i still rem. to join.u had to be able to complete one lap of freestyle n breaststroke continuously w/out stopping.
back then. there were 4 lanes. lane5-8.beginners start at lane 5.
and little kailing.tried her best. n was happy when her coach promoted her to lane 6. n den lane 7.
haha but in the later part. i think pple juz come straight to lane 7 or 8 despite how fast or slow they are.
thzat aside.
in p4. little kl bcame e monitress. she was a hyper active gal. answering all of the teachers's qn.(yup. that was e onli time.kl was responsive in class)
lets tok abt sec sch.
little kailing enrolled into dunman high bcos her parents like the school bcos they find the pple there very decent.
in sec1.little kl din like her sch. she onli talk to her friend who sat nxt to her.after sch ended at 2. she wld chionged to the canteen. (i packed my bag at 155)
n by 215.she wld b rushing to the bus stop. n by 3 she wld reach home.
(now u all see y kl DUN wait fer pple after school n juz disappear).
in sewc 2.her teacher made her sit alone at the back of the class. bcos that fellow who used to sit there wasnt doing well in his sch work.
n so kailing started her world of stoning(now heres how the stoning kl came abt)
n then. kailing found a pack-bag buddy whom she competed wif to see who finsh packing bag faster.
in sec 3. she got acquianted wif her ah soh gang, n sat nxt to violet.
somehow.because both have some kind of attitude probel,they had a cold war fer half a yr.
so fer half a yr.they sat nxt to each other without talking to each other.
(now u see. when i am not happy. i dun quarrel. i give e silent treatment)
in sec 4. when tan jen fee came as her form teacher.
she made kailing change seat.(ya y is it always me. cos i smart is it.haha)
this time. kailing was made to sit admist all the guys.
now up to this pt. kailing DISlike guys. she sees them as somewhat different. n nvr talk to much guys.in pri sch. all those who sat wif little kl were guys. n they were often scolded by her. there was this guy i scolded everyday.cos he likes digging his nose. i was mean. i was horrible.(now u see y i m mean n horrible now)

so she was terribly upset n almost cried.
n violet's reaction was more funny.she promptly separated her desk from that of her new partner. haha.
but luckily fer kailing. e guys were nice to her. n often cracked jokes n made her laugh.

ok. if u are still here with me. u must be as bored as i am.congrats. these are onli e minor details. n i haf decided to stop. i assure u all.those are genuine details. no fabrication involved.
now u all know how i turn out the way i am.
n mind u. lala n taptap have been wif me since pri 3.

while most guys wld say that its absolutely hard to fend off a sobbing gal.
i itnk e converse is true. a gal can't stand to see a sobbing guy.

n it wld b NICE to see a guy whining fer a change rite?
GAWD i can't imagine.
someone try leh.haha

b4 u start saying i m morbid. or u goes mentally in e brain.. "aiya. where got guys like that one.how faggot."
i was watching a reality show. n this guy was sobbing. realli sadly. n i actualli felt sorry fer him..

tmr is fri.pui. one more weekend n a week left
ok. i know i m somewhat child-ish some--times.
n crys still says i look sad.

sigh dun feel like slping.......ZOMBIE ALERT

i was suppose to read abt my course stuff AGAIN
since when i read stuff. i click links here n there until i dunno wat i m reading in e end.
but i made a 'fatal' mistake of going on msn. but it was nice to hear frm LONG LOST Friends. n poeipoei.
aniway theres always tmr rite.
n so aniway. time fer e expired ct rep to try to think of something la. and maybe everyone can laugh at her braces.n come this national day.someone;s bday is coming.but come this national day my chem engine torture wld haf started.
its not realli taht hard to stone at home.
i wake up at 11 plus. on e com.check some stuff. eat my lunch n watch tv. walk ard e hse. read some papers. read some books.play some games.surf some stuff.
den its dinner time liao.
n hohoho my favourite website.ivle is up again. it was nice seeing that empty page fer a while. n now.its filled again.with modules.

i was happily playing gunbound.scolding someone. n den poof the com died n restarted.
morale of the story: dun be mean
ok. went wif crys n xh fer lingerie shopping.crys is an underwear freak.
haiz
nothing seems to be able to mask the gloom of life.of school. bleah.
uni is like a maze
with so many things to discover
n i do feel like a fish
swimming n heading nowhere

i wasted my hols. partly to gear myself up fer braces.but i was quite happy.
but maybe nxt time. i shd do sthg constructive.
like take up some useful courses. like.how to be a career woman.how to cook.or some language course.or see wat nus has to offer me.
ya i also want to do some voluntary work. dun ask me why the sudden change of heart. i dunno. i juz felt like i want to.


and the mockery of all these stuff i haf juz typed is that the new sem hasnt even start.


uni blues is settling in.
i feel the gloominess overcoming me.

and more gd news n bad news.
a few of my modules are openbook. 2-3 i think
but.i dun do well fer open bk stuff.$%^&*&^%!
aniway
i dunno how i am gonna survive nxt sem

explored the national library.nice building wif tons of space.
aniway
its hard being a gal
1st n foremost
there's e monthly problem
that not onli gets one into a BAD mood.but occasionally it causes discomfort n pain
e then. gals r EXpECTED to look nice.
thats y. gals must shave. wear make up. wear nice clothes flattering to their figure.
ya. figure. tsktsk. nice to see. hard to maintain. n its kinda inherent. somethings u have it.somethings u dun. n u cant reali change it.juz haf to b contented.
clothes n makeup. nice to look at. expensive to buy.to a guy. a few piece of nice clothings is enough. to a gal. its nvr enough. it never hurt to haf another shirt or jacket of the same colour.juz as long as its a different design.desires. are never ending.
n u expect them to haf brains as well.
no brain ones. u call them bimbo.
n gals haf to gif birth nxt time. work. n be a wife.mother. career woman. daughter-in-law.

haha.but sometimes. its nice to be a gal too.

aniway.crap aside.
i m hungry.
i miss eating MEAT.Graal!! hahahaha
my pants are feeling looser n more baggy. FREak.i m losing weight at the wrong places n gaining them at the wrong places. hmmmmm...
n these days. i seldom go on msn.
bcos. i know. the fave topic is WHAT MODULES ARE U TAKING NEXT SEM.i dun like it.cos it reminds me of school. so u see.how traumatised abt sch i m. haha
n honestly. if u ask me. why i m taking this module what-so-ever. or why i take 6 or 5 modules.
i DUNNO.
or let me tell u the common mentality:Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Don't We
-----------------------------------------------------
The Stars are bright tonight
And I am walking nowhere
I guess I will be alright
Desire gets you nowhere
I'll have you just the way u are

these days
since i use my desktop
so sometimes when i keep playing a song
n my mum goes: oh u playing that weird song again.
well at least she likes lao shu ai da mi
dl by a person called poeipoei

and den the crap thing abt cors
is that u must decide if u want 5 or 6 modules
n the good n bad thing is
if i take another module.
my timetable will be more packed
the exam will be 6 days away frm the other modules
which means i have 6 full days to mugg fer e module
which oso means i end 6 days later den everyone else
but
since i like mugging
i shd rite. since i get to mugg 6 more days den everyone else.

some people never learn

its like. when its raining. u should bring ur umbrella out. and kailing decides to ditch the umbrella at home. trusting the singapore's sheltered road.n so serve her right fer being drenched n running like a madwoman again.

and when u know u cant chew food. the least thing u wld wnt to do is to patronise food places.well. aniway. thats wat i did. and wat happened was i cld onli drool at the food. haiz. and then i saw this tin of BBQ coated peanuts my brother bought before frm thailand at this food fair.n which i had liked very much.n which i had been searching.but all i could do was to wave goodbye to it.haiz


and den when u know u shd b hiding at home, hide.
while on e bus. i thot i saw someone i knew frm rj, instintively i wanted to put the head into the bag.
and den as if to make my day more exciting. i chanced upon some pple frm chem eng. not that i cared abt them. haha i mean i hardly see them in sch


well.thats the aftermath.now whose's shallow. me !

and one thing i wld nvr learn
is that sch's starting. #^&^^%%#@!

AND then YEs
i HAVE BRACES ALREADY
I LOOK LIKE A FREAK
so I want to hide
ok. a tad of self consciousness... ok not a tad. alot.haiz
not sure wat i m feeling rite now
sadness? regrets. oblivion.
but like wat i always say. happy or sad. life goes on. u know. juz plant urself at say orchard. n watch as pple goes on wif life.everyone has their own troubles n worries.
i pretty much admire those who can stay perky n cheerful all e times

but i haf received bouts of consolations frm friends n acquaintances. thanks guys.
hmm niway
met crys n xh n sharon fer some cookie baking session yesterday. not like i can eat. n not as if i helped much. i onli played wif e dough and made me funny shapes of teddy bears n rabbits.
after that kailing n crystal fell prey to bimbo xh n sharon's makeup act. wa. i din know those two know so much! haha n my comclusion is that now
i realli salute all those babes who put makeup to school.wa. not onli does it take a long long time. it;s also veri uncomfortable. so its a BIG nono fer me.juz ask crys n her blinking act when xh was putting on mascara. haha so funny!
yup. den went to town.ok la. i was pretty much trying to hide. lucky nvr see anione i know.
i m hungry
friends haf commented
these days. i look sad. i look like i haf lost weight
ya. i m sad. i feel like i m driving myself away frm pple n stuffs sometimes
n i m hungry. i miss pizza.burger.chicken.pork chop. roti prata.satay.curry chickrn. u name it.
tmr.bidding starts.
sch starting.
ntu pple who start sch tmr.weiyi.lilian. haf fun!

sigh.
another week.

tjese days i spent more on food den anithing. well in order to cut back on my spending. i haf given myself 50 dolaars a week to spend.and i haf now 16 left till sunday.
n thanks to food. i haf a tummy.trust me. eat ice cream .more tummy.
but i dun realli care animore
yup so this is it
tomorrow is the day
but what will come will come

bimbo issue which will stir up controvesies
today i realise y some gals or guys love to tan themselves
the advantages is that when u are dark. ur blemishes.dark circles. mole bcum less obvious.
for the gals. i think can save on make up.but den again do dark skinned pple put on make up? i think so rite.since maylays n indians do put make up? is it?
disadvanatges is that i read somehwre that a minute of sun aged u by 20 minutes. now.not vvery welcoming news rite. DAMN! i've under the sun swimming fer so many yrs! im gonna be a old hag soon! ok this sounds bimbo.
oh ya ws reading crys blog. its true leh. i think gals my age has pretty much learned how to doll themselves up.wear nice clothes.make up. haha so i look at myself as well.n realise
1)yup. i lost weight. m trying to put them back.but u tell me how wif my braces.
2)clothes. slightly different. last time. i buy sporty stuff.now i buy normal stuff. maybe an occassional feminine top.but i think my jc friends influence my dress sense e most.but. i still shop wif my mum.den we go to OG. lol the stuff ther veri funky one. lol
3)makeup. haha heck it la. makeup has a love hate relationship wif everyone. while u feel u look better. ok not feel. honestly. gals wif makeup do look decent. but at the same time.one must b aware that makeup everyday will b bad fer the skin.chemicals. wun do much good to the skin.so make up. nah. dun wnat. i m happy looking like a half zombie.

in short. i dun think i had changed much.maybe juz e hair.
aniway. priority in life now isnt abt looking gd isnt it. so one shdnt spend too much time on it.but i wld say. feelinf that u look gd or dress well is part of self confidence. but to me. beauty is also in the brains.thats y we haf the term bimbo.
n the more important agenda. now is. STUDIES! yup.mugger me,school's satrting n i m how excited can!!!!!(AS IF LA.juz e mention irks me)
of cos ttis is very subjective. to some. the priority is finding urself a lover.or so called soul mate. but to me.all this can b left to a few yrs later. n i dun believe in FINDING. such things will come if it is meant to be.
n to some. priority is training. did swimming ever bcam my priority?sadly it din.mayb thats y i cldnt realli do very well in it. getting onli mediocre results. u win some. u lose some.in a way.
students at the sports sch. i admire them.but i realli wonder. they are so young. how wld they know that they realli like e sports.passion or external pressure? utrs juz like catherine chen. does she like seimming. or was it bcos her dad pushed her? i personlaay wldnt b in swimming if not fer my dad.
n the sad thing. when u r in sports sch. instead of discussing what is newton first law.u discuss how to improve on that freestyle timing


ya. i m dam full of crap these days
but ok. my hibernation n winter break is here. till den. take care

1 am
n i m MANUALLY COPYING OUT STUFF
like timetable. dates.course stuff
all bcos both my printer decide to give up on me now.
m i hardworking or wat
n i realise
not onli the timetable sux
the exam timings sux too
oooh freak

why oh why do boybands haf to haf this constipated look, soaking themselves in the sea in their mtv?

yup. its confirmed
i haf made a few pple pissed off by not picking up phone calls or replying sms a few hours later
honestly. i haf no intention watsoever of daoing them.
its juzt i dun haf the habit of carrying my phone whereever i go n its in silent mood. bcos i hate ringtones n sms tones.


so anyway i checked my nus mail today
it says:
Dear students
Welcome back to NUS for another new academic year

yup. i cldnt be more excited.
i was suppose to spend today studying my timetable n reading cors crap. some crap abt my course etc.
but i procrastinated. bcos it juz put mi off tremendously.
n ended up. lazing ard. surfing dumb crap .toking on msn. like i m doing now. now that i m teethless. i can onli comunnicate thru internet. haha
^^*I try to runaway
But I can't find a place to hide^^*


ok la. enuf. shall go read my stuff. ciao=P

the other day.b4 going out.

i took a pic wif tap tap. well.

a sort of rememberance b4 i put on braces. boo hoo hoo

remember us.

the one wif lala wun b posted.

we haven gone bonkus

not yet

haha do we look alike?

and aniway. hi to all those who haven seen me for long n wun b seeing me for some time.

dun miss me! i m going hiatus soon. haha

these days. i dun realli know wat i m doing or thinking.
aniway. i m counting the days again. thursday guys. my big day. and brand new image. i will fly off to some island. prefably one like that u saw in LOst. got polarbears. boars. caves collapsing.n den so if u suddenly find me missing. or say. u dun get a reply when u call or msg me. it means i m lost at some island.
like i say. i dunno wat i m saying also.my imagination is getting wilder. haha.
yup.old blog entries. i read mine too.
i miss the old kailing. she was so carefree den. bleah.
and so once again. i extend my love to nus chem engine.thanks for turning me into a monster.
come this august. a new batch of expectant yr one will b joining this parched n gloomy boulevard of chem engineering. as a senior. i hereby pledge to pass on to them all the wrong information about chem engine. hahahaha.
of cos. its not totally uni's fault. maybe some changes. & on my part as well. and growing up.
someday. i juz question myself. m i doing wat i want to do.some regrets still lingers. over wat i wun say.i feel like i m still at crossroads. unsure abt my future. wat i want. growing up. sux u know. maybe thats y i always say i want to live in some island. no expecations frm anione. n away frm reality.
this life. often. we live trying to live up to the expectations of pple. of parents. of ur loved ones. of ur spouse.of friends.

crap aside.
my days. haf been monotonous.not boring. juz nothing interesting.
i hate those shops.wif stupid sales gal who come to u. n stand nxt to u . n scrutinize.as u browse through stuffs.n the thing was. i wasnt even like say ransacking the place. i was juz using my eyes to look.haha. crap. if i need a dog i wld haf gotten one.i rather u ask mi if i need help than stand them as if to wait for my cue.
and the worst of the worst. are those black faced salesgirl. the other day. i think i was wif xh or someone i cant rem. n the salesgirl juz wasnt veri nice.act like we invaded the shop by buying stuff. haha. crap. u dun even own the shop.
for cheap thrills(crys. u like cheap thrills)
e nxt time e salesgirl ask u if u need any help.
say GET LOST as loud as u can.
hahaha.

3 weeks left. =(

today i m gonna stay at home. for once. no more wandering ard. sian alr.
i m gonna. find a nice textbk. sit down n read.
library sounds gd. home also sounds gd.
n e damn teeth is hurting.i wake up in e middle of night to eat pandaol. my pain threshold is very low i can see. and guess wat. the actual process hasnt even begin. freaking crap. i m gonna look like a freak soon. #$#$%&^&^&$%.
y m i so dumb hur. wat was i thinking.
n den. i m gonna buy a mask. prefably a green one. den hide myself frm everyone. forever n ever.=(
how much does a one way ticket to zimbabwe cost?
yeah laugh at me. how bimbo.
no. not bimbo. i not bimbo.

and once again
i m gonna lament abt sch. $**&%$^#*&%

i always find it 'exciting' to meet pple whom i haf nvr seen b4. u know like those blind date where u nvr see the other party pple n recognise the person by say some item or the colour of the clothing.no i din mean i went on a blind date. i mean the experience was vaguely like dat. bcos u haf nvr seen e other person b4!
the 1st time. when i was suppose to meet bird's frend to get sthg. n i made her wait 1 hr fer nothing. bcos i overslpet.
this time. was meeting my bro's frend. thanks alot la poei.

haiz. fear is neverending.
n oh by the way. i realli cant cook anithing.u know those canned soup? ya i try making some. n guess wat. it was ruined! haha.guys. marry me!!!! i'll poison u to death.

taptap.lala.

wif a monster. whose phto is being cut out.

today. i walk again. against that frigging painful feeling in my mouth. but it beats lying on e bed and feeling the pain overwhelmes me. cant slp well....haiz... i haf only one word in my mind. REGRETS.
now i fully understand y i say. i dug a hole. n buried myself. bcos. its a slow n painful experience.
AND i am a teethless idiot. BOO HOO HOO
pain!!!!!!!! someone help!!!!!!i haf trouble toking now. $#%$^%^^~!*
"there's a rainbow for u n me. a beautiful sunrise eternally"
such a beautiful line. but i nvr believe in it.
i juz want to run away.
aniway
poei flew back to melbourne back into the arms of his dog gal. haha. LALA is still wif me. lala is crying now.
and it was comical to watch my dad interacting wif poei's frends.haha

today i leanrt the hard lesson of not carrying an umbrella out. having to run ard in e rain like a mad woman frm suntec to sim lim. all for one adapter. hate skirts that fly up when the wind blows
and oh ya. saw this woman called sharon teo. such a coincidence!!!! haha saw her on bus 36 n i got a shock. we got yuan2 fen4!
n guess wat. we saw yip kang during sch nats. n he saw us too!!! but its onli ME n XIUHUI!! haha so cool. he still remember us.

sleepy but i know i wun b able to slp. haiz...........................................
=(

its called digging ur own grave. jumping into it and den burying urself.
that pretty much describe how i feel abt myself.
welcome. fear. welcome back mr dentist.

"can u feel?
there's nothing at all."


aniway.welcome back too. i love u CORS. i love having open n close bidding period. see u soon. in a few wks time. i din miss u though.bcos ur arrival marks the end of hols.
sch aside.
one of these days. as usual. i m. gonna. get hacked. fer. either. not picking up phones calls. not replying smses. replying them a few hours or so late. being late. yes. being late. i was late fer half an hour today. i bet xh was cussing n swearing.
bad habits. nvr change
haiz.
aniway. orchard today wif xh. den to toa payoh fer e finale of swimming nats. eek. not exciting.this yr's all like clear cut winner. but it was nice. juz to experience the atmosphere. once again.
aniway. i hereby resolve not to shop animore. or rather. i wun spend animore.wants are unlimited.talk abt strong willpower. i dunno wat came over me when i bought this Prints notebook fer ard 20 bucks. sighz. attempt to make myself more organised? crap. AS IF kailing can ever be organised. i'll prb juz doodle n drool on it.
And. no more weight gaining regime animore also.u tink so easy ah. must eat and spend $. so for the nxt few wks or so. it would be. plain walking. n stoning in the library. or at home.how AWFULLY NICEto be able to spend time with the walls..i learned this oxymoron today. when shopping. haha.its a perfect description.
also
talk abt being weak.
today at the swimming pool. this bigauntie slammed into me n i almost flew into the wall. and she din even care. n xh laughed at me. haha. she laughed. not cos auntie there juz shrugged and walked away. but bcos the sight of me being 'thrown off' was hilarious. sighz!
tok abt bimbo. miss xh. has joined us.
today while jaywalking. some lorry came by. a strong gust of wind.
xh:"ooh! so much dust!"
kl:aiya nevermind one la.
xh:"WHAT!? u know the pores in the face dun open n close as and when it likes. "
acc to a very scientific viewpt. its true. but haha. i was expecting her to say something like. maybe. so much dust. wait get into the eyes.never in the world wld i expect pores to come into the picture.

on a less bimbotic discussion.
recently nkf has made headlines.
8 cars.1k gold taps n 1k plus toilet bowl aside(y wld anione want a 1k plus toilet bowl????den can bring ur dinner and sit and admire?).theres a 6ook bonus.
of cos. i dun wish to comment much.since this is a senstive topic. i have been also donated to them b4.
all i can say i would think twice b4 donating.

on a more bimbotic talk.
i saw a lot of cute guys today frm ACjc.Rjc. but i no padedophile.haha
one thing abt being a spectator.rather den a participant. u get to look at pple ard u.
i miss rj's uniform.oh ya. i also saw alot of chio rjc.acjc. sngs gals. anione wants?
and i miss the toilet at toa payoh. i miss the milo truck.