1230.
tennis. another match coming up.sharapova.beauty vs beast.
i juz dun feel like sleeping so early today.at least i know i have venus williams n sharapova to accompany me later.
n these days.even when i m out wif pple. i m in some sort of trance.


wats a blog. when there are so many things u can't say even though u want to.
wat i write..its all so shallow n dumb isnt it..


yeah. i m slowly losing faith in a lot things
watever
i haf pple telling mi.. that i m those pple who dun seem to be very much affected by things around me. that i m emotionless. maybe. i dunno if this is the way i try to make myself to be. but i know i m vulenrable at times. i dunno when i will break down some day too...


but again i stress. i m not going bonkus. i m stronger den i look
and realli. wat lifes without going through some ups n downs.
the nxt few post will b happier post else i wun blog=/
aniway. met a few pple today. was suppose to bring a classmate to explore the east. but wat do i know. abt places ard me.
crystaL GoH suYi. WAT the hell!! dunno why she go KATONG la.. and HAF to be SPOTTEd by me
sarah ann khOO. on e bus. hasnt change much. but juz as i was commenting abt her n sharon's kicking speed.n she 'appeared'.
alethea kerk. cold storage. a long long time ago. we were in the same OG. a long long time ago seems only yesterday.

1.40am.thursday
den friday.den sat.den sunday.
it was onli yesterday. i horned at some bloody taxi driver who cut into my lane.spew some bad words. strolled under a slight drizzle. it gets quite beautiful. e weather.found some serenity n peace fer some weird reasons.
avril's song ~losing grip . perfect song n lyrics. to match my can't b bothered mood.
andy roddick.vs sebastian grosjean. 5-2 now. a ghastly shot by roddick.

another cold night.

do i sound unusually happy these days
going out.. wif pple...friends... suddenly play such an important in my life at this point.
its true.. it does takes my mind off certain things.. but at the end of the day..
the emptiness n unhappiness is still there inside me..

these days... i have lost the motivation n inspiration to do things..there is no dream or goal. i take life and things as it comes to me.
but right now
i juz can't seem to be bothered with everything around me.

droive fer an hour n ahlaf alone today
love e peace

i feel veri veri full to sleep
i know i m broke
but i m suppose to eat all the nice food this week..
met weiwei..john n sheryl today
so i had some chi food at some chinese restaurant which resembles crytsal jade
if i see another xiao long bao this wk.. i m gonna throw up...hahhaa
initial D.. woot i like edison chen... hahaha cute man..
i love driving at night... the tendency to speed but in my case.. i better not.. haha

time to sleep... but i can still feel the xiao long bao
i m gonn b fat soon

4j..i realise.. i have nvr post ani pic of my sec sch class b4

nice cake . i ate A big big piece.

haha take photo wif two tall chopstick sis n this is wat u get!

yes the all so familiar green top i always wear. until dat fateful day the uncle told mi its nice.

zzzz...
anoother tiring day..
but happy=)
had fun shopping wif crys n xiuhui today..n sharon too..too bad u had to leave early..(we did miss u abit)..haha wa lau but its realli cute to see u sharon eat. she is so possesive of her bowl of soup. n jealous bcos mi xh n crys happily shared the salmon n forgetting abt her.. hahahaha
though we all spent alot...but its nice to spend $$ OCCASionally(unfortunately not in my case)..although i m honestly..dead broke.. at least xh n crys worked abit here n there. for mi. input=0. output=gargantuan. oh well..my last week to spend $$$$... and yes.. i ATE alot today... interesting soup place at raffles city... and den yami yougurt.. auntie anne's..oh n ok..long john silver.. shessh..at this rate.. i m gonna turn BIG soon..and i hereby declare crys n xiuhui e shopping cum lingerie kakis..(sheesh)... details shall not be divulged.
but thanks fer e company today... =)..love ya all..i tink we went home 3 happy souls. but all wif a hole in e pocket...............hahaha...

counting down the days... boo hoo hoo... i m gonna need alot of courage.. alot...gargantuan.thats e word.
sleep n forget e rest
tomorrow will b a prettier day. tomorrow.

yawn......juz reached hme..... lilian's surprise belated birthday bbq at east coast.was gonna get kiillled...sigh.......its not my fault i dun wanta leave early.........no one wants to leave..and i aint gonna walk at east coast park alone at night. aniway thanks to ww fer sending all of us...... its nice to haf a friend who can drive. and who drives a big car that fits many. and who offers to send pple.

sigh. aniway i dun reaalli care. staying out beats stoning at home n feeling lousy.

well. these days i dunno if i am friendly. approchable or wat. i tend to 'attract' strangers. the other day. at orchard. some guy in his late twenties asked mi fer help to pay some bills in exchange fer cash. and goes to e extend of telling mi he was frm nus. alumni of business ad.then juz after i walked away. this rather young looking guy speaking in a rather gay n girlish tone approach mi... u those those irritating pple u always see at orchard. either they doing survey or they will be frm some modelling or crap agencies. and den today. as i was walking towards east coast wif my friends, this uncle suddenly tok to mi and told mi i was wearing this nice green shirt. when he was pointing at my shirt. i thot i had done something bad or wat. hmm.... weird hur..pple these days...are they bored or wat.... i find it rather irritating...wats wrong wif everyone.
the other day. i was queuing up to buy FOOD. den this lady told mi to join the queue at the other side when the arrow OBVIOUSLY pointed towards the side iwas standing and most pple were queuing up in my direction. so i juz told her flat in the face "auntie. read the sign. u r in the wrong queue urself" and gave her a pissed off look. " well .. interesting things do happen...

zzzzzzz monster......

took a walk ard e world today again

was suppose to do a last minute desperate shopping fer a present fer someone.trust mi to wait till e last minute.
i ended up walking rounds n rounds.
and den i was supposed to go home fer dinner
but i juz din feel like going home .
so i juz found a place to stone. and stone. and stone.
and started feeling lousy again.

haiz one week down.
one cannot run away from wat is inevitable.

n i suddenly realise it aint that hard to find out. who ard u realli care abt u.who cheer u up when u r down. or show their concern when u r sick or sad.
=)
in retrospect. i aint sure myself if i had been there for them when they needed mi. =(


and oh ya so detroit lost. doesnt realli matter to mi since i m not a die hard fan. =P
in life
there will always be a winner.n a loser. but even the winner are quickly forgotten.
haven we all been winners and losers in some way or another.

another crap post.=)
sleepy thanks to medicine.=). i like medicine that makes one drowsy. i hate cough mixture. it tastes so bleah...

ha. i m msning wif interesting pple today. juz that the dumb internet keeps getting dc.received a surprise phone call frm sheryl...
aniway. mango sale today. not veri interested in clothes these days. i rememerbed those days i keep buying clothes. well. those days are over. rather oblivious to alot of stuff these days. maybe this will make mi feel better.take things as it comes.

sticky n soft nouggats at 1230am.yummy.

batman today. ok la. i think the show was quite nice. one of e better movies ard so far this yr.but maybe my expectation was too high since everyone who watched it told mi its dam nice. so i was expecting more.so u see. thats how thing goes sumtimes. the least expectation u haf. the better things may turn out. n e higher expectations u haf. the more disappointed u get.
crap aside.
but was batman an anti hero in e show?
met some of the class pple today. meet-the-bird-session-2. and yes. nice food. baked rice at nydc. must eat all e nice food b4 i start my traumatising dental session. n i like fast food these days. except macdonalds though. n one thing i must stress. no i m not on a diet. skinny? i dun tink so. though pple tell mi that. mayb yes.when comapred to the bulkier n more muscular me when i was still swimming. n maybe my appetite not as gd as compared to e times when i train. make sense rite.

pple ard mi seem to b in the mood fer love.. ahem.aloy. ahem. good catch la. and i m highly suspicious of the one frm melbourne. ha whihc reminds mi. i waited 1 n a half hour fer him yesterday. i like airport. got exotic pple. i mean aside frm hot air stewarddess n cool air steward. and den pple realli stand at the airport with big cardboard holding e name of the person they are waiting fer. darn. i shd haf make one large cardboard wif my bro's name n act like i am one of them.

i can't wait to travel. nxt hols this time of the year. i HOPE. ha

sleepy thanks to medicine. but i feel too full to slp. i juz ate some chocolate. ok its actualli quite nice. 1.40 a piece? haa. so here i am.

11 days. sigh.

n den i think i m finally recovering. after 3 days of crap n hibernation at home.fever.cough.sore throat.blocked nose.cold.aiya.everything. but my mum still forced mi to go see a doctor today because my voice sounded a tad too weird because of the phlegm. but staying at home n 'resting' realli make mi feel lousy. not that i realli rest when i m at home. its basically. i locked myself in the room. lie on the bed for half an hour. played computer games fer 1 and a 1/2 hr. i mean. its hard to sleep when u haf blocked nose u know. so basically i tink i sleep at 3 or 4 am. strong rite.n den i was forced to make a new pair of specs. sat on one pair. the lens broke. stepped on the other. it bcame slanted. i was forced to make a new one. bcos i sensed she realli din trust mi to drive wif a pair of slanted spec.

aniway.met the crys n xiuhui today. actualli quite tired to go. but i guess it did help to improve my mood abit. den. we 'met' sharon n mc tan. stalked aloy n his date. 'caught'them playing xbox.
bimbo xh told this salesman at the crumpler bag shop. she had a laptop of 38 inches.hahaha.plasma tv.
some stuypid things that made mi laugh these days:
1)this woman. pulled the handle of the door which measures almost 1.5m down. n i just burst out laughing as i watch her frantically trying to put in back.(auntie. u strong la.but relax la.) in case u are wondering which place it is. well its the singapore visitor centre. yup the one next to heeren. so if u go there nxt time. beware when u pull the handle.auntie din realli manage to put it back in place.
2)well. this flower pot size. undergarmet for i duno. supuer duper fat or pregnant woman. wa lau. n i do mean flower pot. they put that thing over a huge flower pot.
for huge flower pot undergarmet,visit the old og at somerset.
3)this guy in his twenties who sat next to me on e bus. he kept coughing.(wa lau u think i cant cough is it. my virus stronger. )and laughing out aloud as he watched this comedy(boy ah. 20 plus liao la. behave urself in public la. here is bus not movie theatre can). which brings mi to the point.my sense of humour is realli poor. bcos i watch the comdey. n din laugh. at all. hmpm.

n oh ya. i realli feel like writing an essay tonight. so pardon mi. u can stop reading here.realli.
anyway. watched nba today.sad la. piston lost by 1 pt no thanks to some horry (ya horry.never type wrongly. not horny)guy.i knew him back den from lakers man. not that i realli support piston la. but their team juz look better in the sense that. well.u see theres a guy called
1) billups. his free throw how powerful. but no. its his name .billups.burps.
2)then. there is a guy.called prince. ya its e name. no i like cos he looks midly dim witted. trust mi.
and den i want to marry a guy like that nxt time. so i can call my son- frog. frog prince.
3)this guy with bird nest hair. called ben wallace.
4)n his 'twin'. called rasheed wallace. see so cute. two wallace in a team. how to not like.
5)n not forgeting hamilton la. wa lau. the mask how cool. why he wear mask huh? why himbo is it. scared pple scratch his face den disfigure ah. ha of cos thats not e reason la. but cool. i like.

ha. ya. wat do i know abt bball.juz toking rubbish.n den i missed grand prix again la.prancing horse won. haha. no glory though. thats e sadness thing that can happen to a sportsman i feel. to win. n not b applauded.


n den i must apologise for my bad n sulky n a glimmer of depression the past few days. wa lau. falling sick. being alone is how sad. n den i bcum pessimistic. n fill myself wif negative thoughts.but den let mi vent my emotions somewhere la. i feel better saying thingd out. to no one in particular.
which reminds mi. on friday.i drove to buy medicine when i had a fever.(ya,.tsktsk rite)but see. i m practising how to live alone nxt time. wa lau. can u imagine. hire a personal maid. wait she kill mi n rob mi how.

n lastly. my greatest news to everyone. i m gonna put braces. in onli like two wks time.yup.14 days exactly. we begin first wif extraction of teeth. now u know why my world feels so depressing these days. someone. help mi. sigh. so for the whole of july. i will be mia. in short. missing. haiz. dun miss mi guys. ha as if la.
n u r still here wif mi. i dunno is it cos u r bored. or wat. and den i dunno why i keep using and den. but this is a 1000 word long essay.

day 3. feeling worse.hope i will b ok tmr.
n den i haf a decision to make. hopefully i will feel better after that.

n den i think i m running a fever.
no edible medicine at home. home alone.
i feel so miserable. everything.
there r so many disappointments in life.
u know. when some things or pple din turn out e way u expected.

anyway
dunno if can join u guys tmr..
i go buy some medicine n see how i turn out tonight.

at diffferent phrases of one's life, one haf different priorities. it could be studies.money.love.sports.family.friends.dream.
and for mi.
its nothing at the moment. maybe that explains e emptiness.
no dun misinterpret wat i said. it doesnt mean these stuff r unimportant. it means no single priority or a drive.or a motivation.

crap aside.
another wk down the drain.
i pretty much stone n walk ard. read some books. keep eating.stone at home.watch tv.think abt stuffs.amuse myself. boring huh? dun realli care.
sick of gunbound.bad connection.
tired of msn. i dun even tok much now.
disgusted by pple n things ard mi.
xcept meeting up wif e ah soh gang. chanced upon a my best friend in pri sch. we r worlds apart now.catched monster in law.not that funny actualli.
why dun i find a job?dun feel like. not free fer e whole of july. i need to spend time on my own.
mugg.(as if).
mayb my priority nxt sem. shd be mugging. wif the smart genuises. nah. i dun like relying on pple. i like doing stuff on my own. who cares abt others.

sentosa or zoo? sharon or monkey?haa.
i want aloy's show.

n den never watch a movie with kailing alone. especially a comedy. cos she is too stone.

i need a good laugh.
or sthg to cheer mi up
or to brighten my day
someone amuse mi please.

n so.i woke up at 10 today. i tried to read. i on e tv. i surfed net. i played games.n by 1 pm. i dunno wat to do.n i was realli juz looking at the wall. i wonder who invented the word stoning.
and den i realise. there is onli less than 20 days to july.
and den i started feeling rotten.

n i think i saw him today
fate? or e path of e enemies nvr fail to cross? haha

aniway
its true that i can onli read bks in e library.
library has funny pple oso.
this funny guy suddenly talked to mi n told mi how good e book i was reading was. i dunno if he meant e "da vinci code" or e book"what women want men to know"..n den he wished mi good luck.. hmm. weird huh.
add that to the things to do when u r bored.
approach a stranger n talk to them. freak them out.

tv shows these days are getting more n more cool
was watching this chi version of singapore idol.
lets juz say
some pple these days think too highly of themselves.to e extend of being a mockery. haha m i very mean.
and was watching lost yesterday. looks like quite a nice show since it kept mi enchanted fer 2 hrs.
yup. i got e point.a funny island isnt exactly a gd idea.
cos the island may haf polar bear n some big stuff lurking ard.
but life is about taking risks. sometimes things work out. sometimes it doesnt.
and i like living in my own world.
so a island wif juz mi alone is cool.
kailing e great is still pretty much a loner. haa.

mayb i shd go join SDU now. find some flings. mayb that will change my view. haha but no wait. i shd join SDU as those match makers. n do all those mis-matching. n wait to get killed. haha
i like crys post on wat to do when u r bored.
mayb i shall do item number 8 now but not taking bus 11. haha .i m sick of going to town also. i can memorise e shop there alr i think.haha
ok i mean i m bored. but i dun want hols to end. i dun want june to end. i dun want to stay at home n think abt crap stuffs. haha
and to make life more exciting n more unbearable fer urself.
if u r bored, u cld try. to haf no internet and phone usage. n see how longu can last. cool idea right. mayb i shall try that. n mayb find out if theres anione i realli care in this world.
or u cld find all those clown jobs. n make life difficult fer everyone. n see how long u last b4 u get sacked.or they pay u $ to leave.

n oh ya.someone commented i used haha too often.
indeed.
when i say haha
it doesnt realli mean i find u funny
its juz a way to complete or to start my sentence.

n aniway.how do u know if u love someone.
i've read so many stuff pple write abt love.stories.blogs. songs.
if u keep thinking of e person? if u dun feel gd if u dun see him/her?
sacrifaces made?commitments?responsiblities?
aniway love is a choice not a responsibilty.at least that is to me.

theres a subtle difference btw like n love i think.


trust e kailing e great to ask all these qn.
well. i m sure i wld find e answer some day.how? i dunno.
haha isnt life abt finding answers to things.


off to roam the world.
den i find a jungle to read a bk.
haha.
will b back by nightfall.

been slping veri early these days
but i get intermittent kind of slp
so i keep waking up at night
n i hate trying to fall asleep again
bcos it takes cow years to do so
i m e kind of pple who thinks alot bfore i slp

i like to occupy myself wif stuffs these days

p.s crys. u can come my house n do ur strip dancing. haha

feeling fat now
had too much of crystal jade today .everything is realli e same.pork dumpling.xiao long bao. guo tie. even e pork bun .but thanks to e ben dan who ordered so much.. e ben dan sure can eat..hahaha juz joking la.

met mr n mrs bird today..exciting!!
haha well mr bird is a 24/7 boyfriend..
and mrs bird looks veri sweet.. good catch n u 2 are very compaitable!
aniway. class outing on sunday. highlight of e day= mr n mrs bird. haha

feel so sleepy now......

crap.i broke my own record by waking up at 1230. wat a waste of time.
haa much as hols seem pretty dull. i still dun want it to end. one sem at chem eng=one life time. and i m so not looking forward to e nxt sem. when all e hard core engineering stuff starts appearing. ok crap. mugger mi alr thinking of mugging. aniway.my aim nxt sem is to find a new study buddy n companion.prefably those wif a cap of 4.5 n above. hahaha like dat i can slack.right.
ok.i need to go somewhere to read my books. sounds dumb.but fact is. i cant read ani bks at home. sad huh. theres e tv.gunbound.msn. to distract mi.although i can onli study at home.i can onli read bks in library.ha ha ha

french open.msn.gunbound.haa dats how i try to multitask.

saw the bird today. still look as bird as he was 9 mth ago.
but no.never see mrs bird. hahaha

found some old songs today.
u know. its funny. when i listen to songs sumtimes.they bring mi back to different period of my life in e past.
there's sumone whom i miss suddenly.

one of those days.
when my dad starts his ramblings at me again.
the usual stuff abt finding some guy in a yr or 2.
such stuffs. are not my interest animore. not like they ever were.
i leave everything to tomorrow n fate.
although this time .
he told mi sthg dat left mi feeling somewhat shocked.
can't realli say wat. but. it juz left mi wif mixed feelings.

aint there times when u feel like u haf some things troubling u. yet there is no one u can turn to.
well.at least it is fer mi.n also bcos i feel.that no one will understand me.
n i keep thinking. i m onli 19 this yr. i m still young. i still think of myself as a kid.
but reality. seems to make mi have to get out of this. n make decisions.abt my life. my future.to be independent. to ponder.what i m living for. what do i see myself in 10 yrs times.20 yrs. n so on. i mean.it wld be wonderful.to haf someone to be there for u always. someone fer u to fall back on. to rely on. but i nvr see things this way. i fight my battle alone. ok this sounds too guy-ish.
u can force urself not to think abt some things. but at e end of e day. u know u r juz escaping frm reality.
but i dun like to weave empty dreams.
i hate growing up.

oh n i hate facade.
ha juz a random thought.
my own ramblings after dat of e dad. he toks to mi.so i tok to myself. ha ha ha

n den. juz when i think my parents dun care abt mi animore. they started being freaks again.
today was results day. so as usual.kl was stoning ard.
looking somewhat like a depressed freak.
n then e dad thinks she is sick. n keep asking if she is sick.n den e mum starts thinking the same way too. so one heard mi coughing. called the mum. mum called kl. asked if she needed cough mixture. or is she having fever.
n oh ya.
my tv has decided to throw its tantrun n break down after i keep doing random tv surf wif e remote control. haiz

some how
i always find myself in a quagmire