Monday, October 31, 2005

why i say i m under stress
well.... those who went to jc probably know how much organic chem we studied in the 2 yrs. in NUS, we are suppose to learn all these topics plus new topics,new reactions new mechanism and have them memorised in 3 months. ya u go.. learn before alr wat.shd be quite easy. no. really. no. not when u have over 500 plus pages of text

if i have the $, i would haf gone to the states to study AGRICULTURE. den after that i will live as a farmer. by myself with animals and crops. solitude isnt a bad things. human beings are by far the most difficult creatures one has to live with.



yay exams coming. so much stuffs to study......... yay!!!=) =)

Friday, October 28, 2005


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i m e more erratic person ever
my test results goes thru many hill... some day i do very well.some days i just screw everything
my mood goes thru several maxima n minimun.one moment i m happy the nxt moment i act like e world owe me $.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

feel like a piece of crap. i m not sure wat it means. just dun feel good.so many things to do.......so little time
beginning to doubt myself........haiz

Monday, October 24, 2005

i HATE sch
had a nice weekend of mugging n meetting up wif aloy crys n sharon.. i miss aloy! ya. i prefer this aloy to the beng beng one too. n sharon: take care babe. crys. cough*bio! will miss yer all.see yer all in decemeber. sob
ya a nice weekend. ruined by school. getting irritated by things n pple.i HATE sch. i dun want to go sch. at least sch is gonna end. i just wanta get away from sch n everyone else.
and now. back to the land of books. other unimportant stuff can wait. Books are wat that matter to me now. other stuff..i shall just leave them aside.
to find comfort in pain

Friday, October 21, 2005

about road hazard
what Do u do when u see an object in the middle of the lane and u cant avoid it?
u go past it. hoping the car goes past it
i tink i mentioned b4
once. while i was driving. i saw a helmet.yup those constrution type yellow helmet in the middle of my lane n much as i tried to avoid it, i couldnt. so the yellow helmet somehow got stuck to the car. and goes plop plop plop with my car for some distance. which freaks me out rather badly since we all know how tough helmet is n i was afraid the helmet will follow me from nus back home via the ecp. luckily someway along the road, the helmet decides to free itself .

today, i drove into a rather huge piece of metal stuff...which i waas afraid wld have punctured my tyre n luckily it din..
toking abt road hazard. i found out theres a cool biodiversity museum in nus. and theres a carcass of a leopard cat that was knocked down along mandai road,whose head was severed and in which the museum pple were NICE enough to pick up the carcass to perserve it. and so u can see its carcass floating in a container of formaldehye in the museum.very cool. n sad actually

anyway theres a plant called the cb plant in ns? i dunno wat it it. but it got this indian guy rather high when the lecturer mentions it



and gals n guy who are somewhat narcissist. NEVEr attempt to take a selfpotrait in the lecture. it looks freaking dumb when pple see u trying to pose to get a nice shot of urself on ur phone. jus ask meaty gal's friend who did that today

yup bio was fun. nxt wk is my last bio lecture. i actualli enjoyed the lectures.


oh ya. i still feel dumb today when i woke up.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Happy birthday poei
Happy birthday aloy


today
i woke up still feeling rather dumb
i think i need to bang my head n wake up frm this state of daze

oh ya i saw a guy who llooks like aloy.. or mayb its just me. i keep thinking pple look alike..esp gals.... hmm...everyone are like clones..... dress sense,hair.skin colour. all rather similar.as fer me. if u think u look like a zombie, well, it means u n me. we are alike.
today is just one of those days i feel extremly dumb and stupid cos i clayed my weekly test fer e first time..... it was a tad of dumbness n complacency i guess..some days u just feel dumb n dunno wat u r doing. i hope this dun happen too often=(
shall be more focused frm now on...

nothing exciting abt sch.
i m becuming more n more critical
but i really cant stand it when pple talk loudly during lectures.
skinny gal.prob less than 40kg with voice that can b heard 3m away. i feel like, turning around to tell her "shut up u tecko".
but i know i cannot be so mean to others.
i know i m mean to people. but i dun want to put on a facade well too. like pretending to be nice or be saccharinely sweet to pple i dun quite enjoy being with. and if i m sad. i dun want to hide it. maybe thats y i am weird.

haiz.
just sian today
need to find some inner peace...................................

Monday, October 17, 2005

the following excerpt is from a feedback about a particular module by some unknown freak

"I got back my weekly test no. 6 recently and felt that the marking was not fair. A comparison with my friends, I realised that there should be 2 markers for the scripts. Of course one was lenient than the other. There were no ticks or any markings by the marker who was more lenient and usually those were the scripts which scored full marks even though their answer to the last question was apparently wrong. My point is though the more strict marker is good as he/she points out our mistakes to us by writing the correct answer on our scripts, nonetheless I felt that it would be unfair for us because these marks are taken into account for our finals. I hope that you would look into the matter and address the problem."



this is how absurb pple can get. they complain about this and that. just a pathetic few weeny marks or so they complain like hell as if it will rob them of their life or wat
u know.. everything goes full circle. and its true that there are 2 markers, one more lenient, the other more strict. but sometimes,depending on luck, u get the lenient marker.BUt by complaining, or rather, giving a feedback, u ENSURE that in e future, markings will all be strict.that is. u suffer too. now WOULd u be complaining if u get the lenient marker n get full marks instead? n each test by the way is only 10 marks. and we have 10 test altogther n we are suppose to take the 6 best out of 10.
u see y i m so sick of sch? pple here are so not cool.
although its not really my problem since i HAVE CLEARED all my 6 tests. (no not all 10 marks la)but still. this is just a example to show how competitive pple in chem eng are.
DAM SIAN. i tell u. i mean not that i m not a mugger or concerned abt my grades. but not to such a kiasu extent. mayb thats y i dun do as well as the rest ?
watever.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

i m alr having monday blues when its not even monday
try spending ur weekends with ur lecturer on e computer
doing tutorials. for hours
Beautiful Dawn- but i am chasing time again

life is about grappling with disappointments
how often. do u feel disappointed by things ,people around u, with urself

talked to aloy briefly who is absolutely abhoring army life
i can't say i like the life i m leading right now too

i hate sch.

Friday, October 14, 2005

wat happens when the lecturer tells u there is a mistake in the tutorial n u just ignore it?
u spend half an hour reiterating something that nvr converge. well done kailing
sometimes i really dun know wat i m doing anymore. there are just days. i m blinded by emotions..
sorry to the poor classmate whom i left at com centre
to someone else.....i don't take u for granted...it seems i cant control my emotions well.. although i have been trying to change that..sometimes..its just not easy.maybe i dun show it.....but u r still special to me

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind,
Hold memory close at hand..


more cheerful stuff....=)
poei n aloy bday coming
those who know them.go buy them present
'crap' of the day(by the lecturer)
u know how some animals has certain protective features to guard against predator.. like horns...thorns.. so he showed the picture of a porcupine. n asked. so how does the porcupine 'do' it. that is mate with each other.

don't tell u
n its true.
human are inquisitive. like today i was stoning alone outside some lt, staring intently at the floor behind a vending machine. so this guy who walked past me. who bought a drink, who caught me staring(not at him), turned to look behind to see wat i was staring at. den he saw nothing n turned to look at me.so i just stared at him. he gave me a weird look n walked away.ok i admit. i was staring too intently at the floor

there are many places u can stone at nus. like chinese library. can hide there if u r sian.

organic chem test was ..not very good..did wat i could. dun haf high hopes.. at least i did it on my own. i did not attempt to copy. cos it was in lt n side by side. n i had two smart ones nxt to me.. and i think some pple did copy la..i still have some tinge of intergrity left. (haha i said some, i din say alot k)something i can be proud of. but not so when it comes to results time...

went wif class to clarke quay. ya probably the nightmare of my parents since they think of me as the kind who drinks at clark quay. nah. was just a simple affair of dinner of very delicious fish n chips.. although the guys drank abit . oh well. but i figure if guys dun drink also quite gay la. or rather i mean mama's boy la. no offence.. its some kind of sterotype. i personally wun like guys who drink on a regular basis.

haiz..n i sense wat seemed like a wisdom tooth growing.....die....... sigh......y do teeth give me so much problems.......................................................................
for now
its webcase,tutorials
things dun end sigh

Monday, October 10, 2005

now as mentioned. i sed i will post pic of myself looking like zombie frm resident evil... (this actualli feels freaking bimbotic n narcissist posting my own pics)these are frm a frend called TAX's camera. the veri ghastly pic hidden frm view is me in lab wif a dumb big lab googles. n the rest are takne on a boring fri afternoon.look carefully fer veri awful dark circles. haiz. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 09, 2005


Posted by Picasa taffy/ruggi/taptap n ruggie/lala n taffy
arrrgh organic chem is driving me crazy....i cant seem to get those stuff in my head. I m dead. dead. haiz
it din help i m hit by the sleepy bug.. one moment i m with benzene n the nxt moment i haf drift into la-la land n i find a patch of what seems like drooling on my book. haha just joking la. i dun drool on books! n i woke up at 10 today(haiz) and panicked.(like i say i dun like to waste time sleeping), bang my knee against the bed. sigh...spent 2 hrs on one qn of DISTILLATIONs. gawd. who cares how many stages are there in a distillation column. n 2hrs were spent on nothing beacuse nothing much came out of it. n in e end. i contend myself by putting values n applying some formula with rather profound names. SIGh. sch's is so bland.

i forgot to write about ghost gal. if u all remember her still
in addition to dressing like a ghost,( although this guy friend of mine tells me she has nice boOBs. )she has a ghastly laughter. she goes HEE TEE HEE very loudly each time e lecturer makes a joke.
n let me introduce another interesting character called the opera gal. so called because she put on make up that are thick enough for chinese opera singing.n she always dress like she is gg to chiong. but a rather regretful thing is that she is rather pui, n thus, every fri we see a meat ball n rice dumpling.
ya now u know. when i m stressed. i laugh at others. i m mean. haiz.
n then i keep having nightmares these days. i was wondering. since we derive stuff like proteins n fats from food. den so when one gets eaten up by a shark or a lion, can u imagine urself being digested into fats n proteins... EWWWWU.
niway
see u all nxt thursday. i have to spend my nxt 4 days or so with organic chemistry. i m dead. haiz.

Friday, October 07, 2005

yay! 2 tests nxt week!
i m kinda immune. a tad of nochalant.
everyone everything seems far away


drove to bugis today. bugis's rather boring leh. nothing to look at.so i left in less than an hour. but in less than an hour, the damage was done. cos i ate alot. i dunno. i just keep eating alot these days. but on junk food.

yea i was hit by blue bug the past few weeks...but i guess..talking to pple has helped. n thanks.to friends. who talked to me. who msg me. its funny. how sometimes. the pple i end up whining to aint those who are closest to me n who are beside me.

hmm. no cute guys at bio lecture today. nothing really interesting. all we learnt was naming organism. stuff like homo sapiens..i think some guy named a beatle after Bush and called it something-bushi.
aniway. the cute guys wasnt realli that fantastic also. he was a tad too short.

& aniway contrary to popular belief that engine has a lot of guys, n henceforth u wld expect alot of cute guys, i m sad to announce that no, dun haf. haha. prob jus a small handful..any engineering guys reading this pls dun be sad. u are the small handful=P.
and anyhow. who cares abt cute guys. i have more important agenda on hand. like..... reading mcmurry organic chemistry.epoxides.ether.benzene.kailing.alky halide. miss low. will prob kill me if she knew. how her efforts(remedial classes! haha) has come to nought. n her horror student has now,proven to be disastrous in organic chem again.=(

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

ok last one. i hoped i haf included everyone.. though i haf left out some intentionally..i juz randomly clicked la. hahaha yea if u press fer e enlarged version. i think the pics look quite ugly..oh well... no more collage. i got bored liao. haa Posted by Picasa
haa there are no connectivity in e photos...... juz fer fun la hur... Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

dam chio rite! i hate to say this. but lala n tap tap are so chio!! too bad no taffy n ruggie=( Posted by Picasa
random pics
from e past.
this collage thing is so cool.
last time i dun look so much like a ghost.
one of these days i shall take a photo of myself now n scare the daylight out of u guys Posted by Picasa
because i alr look very terrible n ugly. i dun wish to scare more pple by posting my pics. n so...i din include my individual shots Posted by Picasa
feeling down e past few days.
been thinking thru alot of stuffs too.dunno if it has made me feel better or worse. thus explaining fer the extreme mood swings
how much i keep wondering
if i m living it right. doing things i really want to do. and asking myself wat the hell am i doing
and till now i dun haf an answer
sometimes i lament at my own lack of determination. n e inability to take up challenges n risks. like i always so many goals n dreams. but i never set myself up to achieve them

n then this sense of hollowness n emptiness in me. n the life i m leading. its all about books. i cant even remember myself doing anything else other then that. at least in e past, i still train. where have all my time gone to. n its not like i m doing very well in school either. like i said. i mugg to catch up,not to b ahead. i m barely hanging on myself most of the times.pure mugging isnt the kind of uni life i haf wanted or expected.i always wanted some kind of uni life too other than books n just books. but the question is. do i really have the determination to achieve wat i want? m i willing to change the kind of life i m leading.. people always say once u have set ur mind on something, u will be able to achieve it. maybe........... maybe one day. i will try to make a difference. no. not maybe. i will do something abt it. soon. but my enthusiasm probably follow that of a bell shape curve too. i haf to make it into a increasing exponential curve 1st.

sometimes. its really tiring and tough. having so many expectations to live up too. esp that of parents....

and i rembered a few post back where i complained. abt friends, relationship, parents... that i fall short of looking at myself n how i treat them. n i haf to say. i fail very badly in the above roles as well... maybe life is really about learning........ experiences....... i still have so much more to learn.. n i really need to be more open to new ideas n stop living in my own world all the time. be more supportive of others. friends. family. relationship. i need to take into more account the feelings of others when i do or say stuffs........... n that all kinds of relationship.involves giving. not just taking

yea. most of u probably wouldnt understand wat the hell i m getting at..it doesnt really matter..... these days... i blog fer myself.......
the irony is that having said so much, i haf to start some mugging now. yea weekly tests.... n one more point. i need to take things more lightly..........
if i can. i will.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

yea
blogger loves me
juz as i feel messed up enuf
i lost a long post

=(
so i m not gonna retype it


aniway. toking abt karma. everything. goes.full circle.
having criticised many unknowns. fer ghastly dress sense. i have friends. who tell mi. my dress sense is too boring. yea. i agree. but it doesnt really matter. honestly since i put on braces. i hadnt care much abt how i look. and might as well look worse. i m gonna b an old hag n scare every guy off. yea n right now. i m in a self created doldrum again. n i dun realli care abt anything in particular.nothing seems to matter. not anymore

anyway. i realise. its actualli pretty easy if one wants to get noticed in engineering.
wear a 11 inch mini skirt n expose meat. haha. n before u know it. u r the object of everyone;s gossip. haha. so if one seeks cheap thrill. go to engineering. or better still. dress like that ghost gal in white. sure get noticed one. haha mayb one day i will do just that. right.

salicylic acid.organic chem. so cool. i made salicylic acid in lab. n i realised today. that a lot of facial pdts contain salicylic acid.