feeling down e past few days.
been thinking thru alot of stuffs too.dunno if it has made me feel better or worse. thus explaining fer the extreme mood swings
how much i keep wondering
if i m living it right. doing things i really want to do. and asking myself wat the hell am i doing
and till now i dun haf an answer
sometimes i lament at my own lack of determination. n e inability to take up challenges n risks. like i always so many goals n dreams. but i never set myself up to achieve them

n then this sense of hollowness n emptiness in me. n the life i m leading. its all about books. i cant even remember myself doing anything else other then that. at least in e past, i still train. where have all my time gone to. n its not like i m doing very well in school either. like i said. i mugg to catch up,not to b ahead. i m barely hanging on myself most of the times.pure mugging isnt the kind of uni life i haf wanted or expected.i always wanted some kind of uni life too other than books n just books. but the question is. do i really have the determination to achieve wat i want? m i willing to change the kind of life i m leading.. people always say once u have set ur mind on something, u will be able to achieve it. maybe........... maybe one day. i will try to make a difference. no. not maybe. i will do something abt it. soon. but my enthusiasm probably follow that of a bell shape curve too. i haf to make it into a increasing exponential curve 1st.

sometimes. its really tiring and tough. having so many expectations to live up too. esp that of parents....

and i rembered a few post back where i complained. abt friends, relationship, parents... that i fall short of looking at myself n how i treat them. n i haf to say. i fail very badly in the above roles as well... maybe life is really about learning........ experiences....... i still have so much more to learn.. n i really need to be more open to new ideas n stop living in my own world all the time. be more supportive of others. friends. family. relationship. i need to take into more account the feelings of others when i do or say stuffs........... n that all kinds of relationship.involves giving. not just taking

yea. most of u probably wouldnt understand wat the hell i m getting at..it doesnt really matter..... these days... i blog fer myself.......
the irony is that having said so much, i haf to start some mugging now. yea weekly tests.... n one more point. i need to take things more lightly..........
if i can. i will.