Sunday, September 30, 2007

So, mid-sem break came and went away.

At least i m pretty much done with all those term papers, reports and essays--due 2 weeks later actually. I proclaim doing lab reports the most senseless and brainless thing and a waste of time. I just spent one morning compiling that 50 pages of report and i highly doubt the TA is gonna read through that 50 plus pages of (crap) stuff.

Sometimes i feel that right now, life pretty much feel like a routine, be it when i was working or in school now-- Dreading Monday, going to class, seeing the same people, study, doing the same stuff, and then anticipating weekends. And then as weekend fades away, then the whole cycle repeats itself and it's like ok, here we go again. It's almost like some kinda choreographed routine. What is it that we seek at the end of every day and at the end of this whole routine?
There are times when i really feel like just jetting off to a world of my own, forgetting about yesterday, today and tomorrow. If only..



I am fine and i plan to keep it that way

Friday, September 28, 2007

Should stop being sapped into this black bile and quaint sense of melancholy


And the stars are falling all for us
but it's okay, it's okay
And was talking to Bird online yesterday. Actually i kinda miss him, and he reminded me that i have promised to post a pic of him every month..so there u go. And once again, be a good boy and don't get thrown out by bird -sao. And faster go get married in Las Vegas! wahaha
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Some photos (like finally)of the fillipino maid. We visited aloy at his workplace.Aloy,i hate your workplace totally! QUIT! But i totally adore the way you talk about all your stories! haha

Then i sent Xh to her school. First time i visited SIM university and it's so close to NUS! Meet up more then!
Then rushed to school for presentation. There's a new phD guy from IRAN. I should talk to him about the nuclear power plant paper i am doing. haha
After that, chilled a while at Holland Village with the long-time-no-see old friend Ax.
Speaking of school, i went to E5 com lab today and saw alot of the Year 4s having a 'good' time with Hysys. I don't know if i should be glad i did my Design module in Iowa (with very cute American dudes who simulated most of it), though i did spent countless hours in the com labs doing the simulations and spending late nights in Sweeny doing the reports, and of course, sipping coffee and staring at the cute dudes hard at work.
You know, i seriously find guys( gorgeous ones) the most attractive when they are concentrating and deeply focused in doing something. haha. Now we all know that i didn't master the HYSYS or CAPCOST or HENSAD program because i have had other preoccupations.

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I think there are times people need to learn about respecting others. If someone has absolutely no desire to speak to you or have anything to do with you, and have expressed it explicitly and blatantly, the least you could do is to have a sense of self- awareness of how absolutely revolting, distasteful and repulsive you are to that person.
And of course stop acting like a childish and tawdry piece of skunk and trying to contact her and acting like we are oh-so-good friends because it disgusts me absolutely. Oh of course that is one pathetic way of getting attention.
to quote zihua's famous phrase in RJ-- " act your age, not your shoe size"
I think i have been pretty lucid about my stand and i know i am pretty malicious with my words. But when you have tried being nice and people don't get it, then don't blame me for being unkind. Of course, one last thing is that we are should try to preserve that last tinge of dignity in us.

I Think everyone has a threshold limit, don't try to push mine too far.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

ok 2.30am
Gotta sit through a 3.5hrs of presentations tmr. I pretty much thinK i will fall asleep again as all the PhD students ramble on about their fascinating projects that ranges from fluid mechanics to giloma cells, bifurcated flow, and some electronic stuff. Ahhh, the wonders of chemical engineering. I gotta admit, these people are really smart. And of course, i don't think anyone will understand what i am presenting, because half of the time, i don't as well. Well, at least this time round, i am prepared with a speech at least. It aint my fault i am so last minute. The postgrad student sent me the materials for presentation just today @ 5pm.

School today for a project. I think NUS is really getting invaded by foreigners. My group members were mummee , a Penang DUde and a Brunei chap.
And the Penang DUDE risked having killed by me today.
Penang dude: " Oh you don't look like a local"
taptap:" oh really? "
Penang dude : " ya, you look like a filipino"
Taptap:"....so you are saying i look like a maid arH??" ( ready to slap Penang Dude)
Penang dude: " oh no no, actually Filipino girls are very pretty and have very nice features"

How? I am a maid. Now you all know i hang out at Lucky Plaza every sunday.( i know not all Filipino are maids, so no offense!)
Well, at least he didnt say Bangladesh.

Anyway, Penang dude lamented that Singapore is way too stressful and that he has a three year bond to serve. Now, that gives me enough time to murder him. Just joking.

ok great it's 3am, gotta sleep.. Somehow, every morning, i still wake up to a sense of emptiness and get irks really easily. I am actually not tired now, but i will go to bed. Crys, pls wake me up at 10am.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

i was typing my essay on nuclear power plant, and then i saw this dam cute msg.
So now we know friendster means make more friends. And lionel? Initially i saw the subject, i genuinely thought he was looking for lionel cos i know of a few lionels.
lol. I am tempted to reply.. do you know Hercules? i like his creatvity!


Subject: hey. do you happen to know lionel ?
Message:



its ok if you don't, coz my point of msgin u
isnt bout him
... den again, u might... haha...

friendster means make more friends... !!!

hope to hear from u...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Startling revelations about someone that made me realize that people are really multifaceted. This time round, i was gripped by utter disbelief and shock. And then it came to me, most of the time i never really try to understand people or know them well. I like doing things on intuition and feeling. Sometimes they are right, but sometimes, they have failed me too. Honestly, i am beginning to doubt my judgment of people.

Been eating far too many mooncakes, maybe to make up for last year.

Been sleeping at 3am for 4 consecutive nights, doing stuff that keeps me up. Or maybe, i waste too much time in the day. but don't ask me what i do at 3am.

And now, i am staring at my laptop, typing a report and feeling a senseless ennui once again
I will blog again--> when the snails have finished crossing the road.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose -- i forgot the owner of the quote though.
I think's it so true. Because you lose so much more and win at the expense of other things-like hurting the feelings of other etc etc.

Anyway, i wonder if i ever said this before. There is this guy in chem Eng who looks a lot like Aloy. And he sounds a lot like aloy too-the voice. But don't ask me how i know. And no, i am not going to take a photo of him. And no, i am not staring at him. Ok, aloy is cuter.Bimbi is the cutest.
.

I have the habit of telling weird stuff to people. I wonder if they secretly hate me for it. Like ok. A few of my group mates and friends whom i aint that close to have asked about my handphone's very scandalous wallpaper and screensavers.
Being me, i have come up with an agglomerate of answers and stories. I don't know if people will actually feel offended at my lame attempts to lie. I am a little elusive because i am a little uncertain.



Anyhow midterm break!And i am gonna hibernate, not blog for a while and finish my to-do list.I am sick of the crap stuff i wrote, so much so that i am now trying to blog in proper English and writing in full sentences and trying my best to keep my grammar and tenses right, because i know it is painful to read bad English. So here i am trying my best for the first time to write in full sentences. I know my English still sux, so don't laugh. That aside , I am kinda sick of the routines of life (school, study, school) and i feel like doing something unconventional-- that i will figure it out.

Anyway, i read this somewhere-- 80% of people wear only 20% of the clothes they own.
Make me one of the 80% and make that 10% for me.

ok. Shall go on hibernation. Take care everybody! Xoxo!


Though my skies are turning gray
I know I'll be okay
I saw that coming anyway


Thursday, September 20, 2007

crys says she has 4 tests after mid term
the last time i checked i have 0. which is weird.
there dont seem to be much things for me to do or study for. which is weird.
i am not even studying as much as i did in the past few sems in NUS or ISU cos there's nothing for me to study for. no tests. finished my assignments. except a term paper n lab report. which i can't start on yet. and my post grad student has stopped asking me to go to the lab.
ok i know as i m saying this. some of u out there will be wondering " what the hell is she complaining about then?"
like i said. i rather have some constructive things to do n not waste my time.

although there are many little and minute stuff at the back of my mind which i really should stop procrastinating and start doing them NOW.

i shall go study for a test in November then. or start writing my FYP report which is due in December.


and when morning comes
it was over before it begun

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

1st test of the semester..i only wish my memory was superb.
and then next week is mid sem break. so if i decide to skip school on fri, this will mean i'll have a one and a half week break. and the weird thing is. i don't have any test after mid-sem break. or maybe one. i don't know. maybe i should go on a holiday. =/

random stuff
(warning. long and boring post ahead. so read it when u are nearing your bedtime or if u really have nothing better to do )

1) today, i was chatting with this lab technician. and she said " you should marry a PRC. because PRC can cook. Singaporean guys can't cook".by PRC, i think she refers to the china scholars.
RIGHT. kill me if i do. i can imagine. first, i will die from communicating with him. next, i will die from the food he cooks.
i might as well get a maid. and guys who expect their wife to cook and wash clothes and clean the house. i say. go get a maid instead.

2) do girls enjoy comparing their boyfriends and the stuff they do? weird qn since i am a girl.
i don't know. the other day i was at some conference(fighting the zz monster) when the two girls beside me started talking about their bf. one was telling about how her bf got her this psp because she said she likes it. and the other replied that her bf got her a phone and how her bf wears the clothes she buys for him for no reason. like it was freaking hot, but the bf still wore this suit-like jacket she bought so that she can see it, but in the meanwhile, ended up looking like some freak.
my utmost sympathy to the bfs. okok maybe it was sweet.
but i think girls shouldnt make guys shower expensive stuff on them all the time. unless he is freaking rich. or maybe in some case, the guy is actually happy to do that.. that i am not sure la. i am not a guy. haha.
sometimes i think. comparisons- they never cease to exist. but often, comparison is a sense of insecurity and portrays your self doubts at times. hence the need to affirm that there is someone worse off and the need to feel better from the positive confirmation and compliments of others.

3) i used to ponder. can exs be friends? and i realise. no. in most cases. no. ok NO. various reasons to that. like, u don't need to be reminded of the good , in some cases HORRIBLE memories. plus. if the ex is some faggot or some ass.that will be one big reason why exs can't be friends. of course there are exceptions. like if the breakup was really amicable and both of u saw it coming. or that u guys were close friends before and realise u are better off being friends after all. theoretically for me, i can be friends with my ex, provided he's not a faggot. note the last part. breakups happens for a reason. and seldom is it something u look back at and smile, shrugging it off casually.


4) i can't decide if i am put off or looking forward to looking for jobs. it's a little like standing at a crossroad deciding where to go.it's like moving on to another stage of life. they always say engineering is supposed to be a really flexible degree. like u can choose to work in banks and financial sectors, as consultants, engineers or whatsoever. well in a way, i did have a five-year plan drafted out somewhat.and like Stalin's five years plan,it's a little idealistic. but well, a man without ambitions and dreams is as good as dead. so i guess as impractical as it may be, i need some motivation. maybe it will not be possible to realise them, but, i'll try and not give up so easily. but as for what kind of plans i have i will not reveal them since they don't concern anyone anyway and i doubt anyone will be interested to know.

5) ever regret doing something, trying to apologize to make up for it. but sadly many a times, you can't really revert things.
It’s too late to apologize .. it’s too late. this is actually lyrics from a song by timbaland n one republic. only i dont hear timbaland much.

6) what do u hanker most in life right now?

6) i still miss *****

i always have loads of stuff to write after an exam or test. so pardon me for boring stuff. i can't conjure exciting stuff right now, especially after mugging for days.

temptations are huge.
i really feel like buying stuff online from one of my fave's website. Dam!
say NO to shopping. *sigh



You got me ten feet off the ground


Sunday, September 16, 2007

Friday, September 14, 2007

i think.the more i say don't read too much into my words. the more people do.
haha. i was referring to a few entries a week or so ago.
so every now and then. someone will ask " oh u are talking abt me right"
or some people will ask " are u referring to XXX"
no! not u not him not me not you. unless u really have a gd reason to think that way.
so don't be paranoid....
i pretty much think i typed those stuff when i was feeling weird somehow. but at the end, i thought to myself.. who was i to judge people anyway. especially someone i don't really comprehend well. deep within us, there's side of us unknown to others. a side of us that is undesirable. so yea. i should not be that judgmental and too quick to jump into conclusion.
what we do doesn't really define who we are? what we do define who we are. which one goes for you?

falling back into where i started
and then i found another photo of me looking lslightly deranged..taken from bryan's bday where i supposedly got very red from some drinks... so anyway the crown was sharon's..who was supposed to be the princess.. i think i looked like some crazy loony here.. hahahaha many many unglam n loony photos of me out there.. laugh la laugh. i dont mind. haha
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ok laugh. but dun say i dun share my ugly photos.
this is my group during chem eng lab..not my fyp lab... so we left e guys to do the job while we had some fun with the safety glasses.. haha n the last pic..is the seemingly dangerous reactor.. actually..i figure if they let me play around with the parameters, i will cause the thing to explode. but anyway my groupmates are pretty nice pple. and yea. i spent 5hrs with some minature reactor. another 5hrs next wk.

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this is fyp lab..it's more for the bio experiments kind... i was so bored at 9pm so i took a photo of myself in the lab n at 10pm, i started pacing up and down the empty corridor. and by 10pm. i was on msn. that was monday. yesterday, i did lab from 2.30pm-12.30am. with 5 hrs of pipetting from 7.30pm to 12.30pm. alone. in the clean room.<-cool place.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

tired.
sch again tomorrow. 12h.8h.8hr.6hr.2hr(hopefully) =36hrs of sch.
food tech test nxt week.......so many many memory work
i m so gonna just hide in my room this weekend. n not check any mail that says " Pls come to sch on monday for lab because u screwed up the previous session". <--whether i did. will be revealed tmr.HAIZZZZZZZZ

some brainless pics maybe another time.
went to cut my hair.80 bucks .by a decent looking dude from Penang. no more lao beng from JB. but it prolly looks the same in pic. and he prolly did some treatment i think. thats why 80 bucks.whatever.communication breakdown again. Penang dude don't speak english. i can understand n speak chinese well. just don't get too technical. like explaining maths or experiment procedures or what u r going to do to my hair in chinese.
really dead now but gotta study.......it's pretty fast. like one more week then mid term break. means what. half a sem gone alr ah. ?! whatever. i am feeling the stress of sch finally...

and watch out for taptap in lab with very retro safety glasses.<--gd stuff. i mean the glasses.

i feeeel so dead..............

Monday, September 10, 2007

woke up at 9. plopped myself on e sofa. and started into space till 10am. feeling the dread and emptiness overcome me.
so.
i am now with my laptop. and pillow.in the lab.
i've been extracting 9 0.5ml samples. every 15 min. and then 30 min.and then 1hr. so this will go on till 11pm.since i started at 11am.
i am literally counting my hours. and it's amazing. how fast 30 min can be wasted.
well.its 4.16pm now. just some 7 hrs more.
i don't know how many samples i have collected(9*4*4*11). and i think i have pretty much screwed up some parts of it. which is bad. because this would probably mean i screw up the experiment(wasting 12hrs. but well he still wants me to continue.) and may have to do it again some other time. and he will probably think i am a bimbo.
but i do feel a little stupid and jaded now.
anyway. i really wonder how it feels to be in e lab at 11pm.................
.just me. and me. and me.

anyway.what's lab called in chinese?

i seriously hate it when people try to tell me what i should do, when they barely know what's going on in my life
i hate it more when people read my blog to find out stuff abt me and then stalk me
for e one last time, i m so not interested in u.

oh n remind me also not to reveal too much abt my life on my blog next time
we'll stick to more brainless stuff.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

home alone.at night. kinda enjoy it. the peace. and quiet. but i wonder.why do i still lock myself in the room. haha

and am trying to study. but i think i am really too used to studying with my laptop on. and the 1st thing i do when i wake up is to on my laptop. and the last thing i do b4 i slp is to off my laptop. which is bad. cod it's really distracting. and i can't study in the room too. cos i get distracted too. many many distractions.

so now. i have resorted to leaving my com on. but.moving to some other corner in the house.
=/

am so dreading monday. sigh.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


happy 25th to bryan! alright. just some random photos to share.my cam and hp battery died on me. if i look extremely radiant or happy, it's due to teeny wisp of vodka. i turn red really easily.haven drank for long. since i drive most of the time. i can't drink. and plus i am a good girl.haha.right.

crys :" i don't know what i will do when i get high. maybe i will start stripping "
jon : *stares at crys in horror.*


anyhow. i hate.to.say this. but i think sharon bitch.is.actually a pretty nice. girlfriend. i like the goofy cake. can we have a minnie mouse one on aloy birthday.a donald duck one for crys's? a pooh one for mine? haha
alright. gtg spend my weekend studying. =)
*seriously.dreading.monday*
*must stop playing fluff race. haha but i won 1000 munny today. roll eyes. real cheap thrill right. ok. i need to paddle lock my laptop up. *


no not you. never ever. get it?





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Friday, September 07, 2007

this is like the 3rd time i am in the com lab and i am not very happy. am suppose to go to lab to do my FYP but my china PGstudent is too busy. and i think this guy recognise me because the 1st time, he kept staring at my com screen watching me play fluff race and i rolled my eyes at him in irritation. now, he is gawking at me again. grrr. mind your own business la!

i am still having major communication breakdown with my PG chinaman.
and so he told me to come back again on monday, having wasted 6 hrs today.
there goes my long weekend.................
and apparently, he said we will do a 12 hrs lab on monday from 10.30am to 10.30 pm. some DNA release test.
i might as well bring my pillow and spend the night in the school. and oh ya.my laptop too. and then i will find a secluded area in NUS and camp there.
well i personally dont like research work. i am not that keen on finding out abt new matrix gene delivery .and so chances are i will never consider doing a master in chemical engineering.

fugly.disgusting.get away.from.me.
i think i am undergoing some kind of metamorphosis and personality change and disorder.

well..enuff said..it's friday!!!!!!!!
celebrated bryan's birthday at east coast park today..
walking down east coast park, feeling the light and familiar breeze reminds me alot of Bimbi though..i guess i still feel the same way i did before. nothing much has really changed.
i think exactly a month ago, i brought a half dead bimbi there for the 1st time..
sigh......
well a lot of things in life probably happen once only, but at least, it did happen once.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

ok enough of subtle posts that no one comprehend.there are real.only.i will explain in time to come. will take things as e same now.
anyway
been doing work on my laptop for many many hours and i think i am gonna die from radiation or fatigue soon. so heres some photos!
ha bird alert again! for those who are sick of us! close the window. but well my buddy is flying back to chicago next thurs! so today was like our farewell lunch!
lunch was gd. i have had cravings for crepes at Marche for quite a while. finally got to satisfy my cravings today, albeit having to drag the bird down to vivo city.
so yea we took some photos cos it will be a yr till we meet up again (hopefully)
kl: wa today i will blog abt us again la. cos won't have chance to blog abt u for the next year.

bird : huh.. but i want like bimbi like that. every month one post. so we take 12 photos la.

hahaha. anyway vivo city is a really nice place. n i really adore the scenery there. the last time i went there was i think one month ago with bimbi. one month. feels much longer though.
sometimes it is actually a nice thing to have someone to miss .. an empty but warm feeling in the heart at times.

and to the good ole buddy: be a good boy and don't get thrown out of the house by bird-sao. faster return with ur bird sao and bird juniors! if not, i'll hunt u down the streets of chicago. don't think i don't know my way there ah!take care! till next time!




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some people commented on my posts a while back n thought i was depressed.
well like i said, don't read too much into my words and assume things. if i wanted to be subtle. there must be a reason. and no, it aint something drastic. and no i am not depressed. disappointed is the word.
not the person i once knew. or maybe i never really knew u well.and was so wrong about it

but really, everything is good. don't read too much into my words and don't think so much. unless u got a reason for that.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

i hate wednesday.because i have 8am lessons.but i am happy wednesday is over.
went for my arts elective tutorial today. and got a shock as i was walking to my tutorial room.

because the entire stretch of corridor was filled with smoke. my first thought was " fire ah". and then i looked around me, there were many groups of tawdry, gaudy and orc-like looking wannabe cool dudes and babes around. and then i realize.
ok it wasnt haze or fire. that was DA smoking zone. this may sound very goody-two shoes but sorry la. i have something against smokers. and i TOTALLY can't stand the smell. so by default, i minus 50 pts from any guy or girl who smokes. that explains the orc like looking description. so i m glad my friends don't smoke. but if u do, i will still like u, just lesser. haha. and dont' smoke in front of me. i will slap u. haha
ok really no offence to anyone out there who does.just that i am not being empathetic here.and u r still good. just not as good. lol

so anyhow, i had to hold my breath for like about 20 sec. as i zoomed past the whole stretch of corridor.

tutorial was pretty relaxing today. n i receive the weirdest comment. we were suppose to present sthg about ourselves and someone from the class will comment on the way u present. and after i crapped my way through, this Argentina-Asian girl went like "you are beautiful" .
i just totally stared at her. wondering whats was the hidden meaning behind. maybe i sounded bimbotic. haha. and beautiful isnt the most apt word to describe me. morbid fits me better. RAWR.

anyway. can't wait for Friday!
and theres international exchange day tomorrow @forum tmr..go check out the hunks! crys u esp!
gtg do my lab report now!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

they say oblivion is bliss
but sometimes there are stuff u need to know even as disappointment kicks in.

maybe after all you're not the person i thought u were

*again, don't read too much into my words.

Monday, September 03, 2007

and i'll be here even as you are gone
nothing is real till it is gone

maybe it is stuff like this that makes us stronger


was talking to ah soh the other day..
probably she is the only one who really understands how i feel
because she has been through the same situation and probably feels the same way as me.
" it's like the world here has moved on without me"
yea, somehow i never really felt the same anymore.
it's like a part of me died or got left behind in another land faraway.
i can't really explain the changes u all see in me.
all i can say is that i am trying to find something positive out of it still.because this is real. or maybe not.
leaving it all behind.leading another life.going back to the same one. is that difficult. to me.

*don't bother comprehending the above. it's not meant for anyone to understand.and no, it is not what u think it is*

Sunday, September 02, 2007




Chem Engine Dinner and Dance.. some random pics..i was basically half dead. having slept 4-5hrs for two nights in a row. sp basically i spent just 10hrs at home for the past 2 days.
fri was spent from 10-7pm in sch. then met 4J at settlers. despite my semi slumber, me and Zhihao still won in Acquire. haha dynamic duo rawks! fri was bad la. some car banged me from behind cos there was some traffic jam and she was tailgating me. being so tired and half asleep, i wasnt sure if i heard some sound. so i didnt get out of the car. but no worries. the damage wasnt substantial. i guess. there are worse drivers than me around. at least, even though i am half awake, i dont bang other cars.
ah soh was telling me how her suzuki swift got rammed by a msian motorcyclist. the same scenerio as mine. traffic jam, the guy behing tailgate. can't brake in time, and so banged the car in front.
so she incurred a damage of 700 bucks. and the msian guy refused to pay up. and so now she is very pissed with msians.
u know. the thing i think we all need to learn is how to react in situation like this. for me, i was contemplating if i shd get out of the car since there was a massive jam. and i wasnt sure is she banged me. for ah soh, she didnt know how to react and wasnt assertive and fierce enough to scare the guy. sigh.

sat was spent at some career talk. then D&D.

i just wanted to hug the chair or the wall to sleep. and i think basically i wasnt looking the best for the night.4hrs of slp and 30min to get ready because i was late.. haha. and then halfway through everything, i started missing my bimbi la. the last time at msian grad night in ISU, at least got bimbi beside me drinking water(non-stop), then can watch bimbi perform. and this time round there wasnt a need to go to JC Penney to get a dress or walmart to get cosmetic. i just grab any random dress in my closet.and the makeup. i did it in 10min. so dont bother commenting i look bad. the rest of the photos..i guess i will upload in multiply. haha




ha ok some really narcisstic photo. i bet if poei sees this, he is probably rolling his eyes. ok the rest of u too. haha just trying to love myself more. *roll eyes*
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was reading bimbi's blog. and then i couldnt help but wish i could backtrack to one month before. imissbimbi.iheartbimbi.

the last sunset isnt always the saddest one
well, at least we were there for it together once
want to tell you how good it feels everytime i look at you
if only, we wont ever have to say goodbye


p.s: ha ok u all out there pls dont be jealous.

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Saturday, September 01, 2007

lotsa crap
i'll update another time
i m still suffering from extreme fatigue.