party today
food food food
pretty kids in pretty customes
i am so in love with my two little boys;P
if i have kids like them i will love them to death
i only manage to get the photo of one of them. so cute!
i m very sure i want kids next time. if not my own kids, i'll adopt.haha

on e other hand
hols are ending because cors is starting.
somehow hols is like a dream. all rainbows n butterflies. no stress.no late night of mugging.feeling tired.wanting to sleep but not being able to due to endless schwork.no drooling on textbooks.gg out with friends. wasting time on trivial stuff.shopping.eating. watever
n pretty soon
we will all go back to reality.sighz

shopping!
saw a very nice mini skirt today but decided against buying it because my thighs are too fat for it. sob! it was those kind of skirt i always wanted to buy=(
n then i spent alot on facial products.sigh.
its hard being a girl. in e sense.i think girls in general have more to spend on as compared to guys.from hair products.to facial products.some have to spend on makeup. and then there r the never ending amount of uber nice clothes n shoes to buy.accessories.earrings. chains.cute stuff.
of course maybe for some guys, they spend alot.because they have to spend on the girlfriend. *cough*(like e one in melb)hahaha. and then there are some vain ones like lala. hahaha

but for people like me. i have less to spend on.since no matter how much money i spent. i'll still look like a witch. hahaha.but i have to spend the minimal so that i do not become the ugliest of the witch. haha sounds very morbid again.

whatever
monday blues!!!!!!!!
see yer all next week!

hmm a relaxing day today
spent e morning watching tons and gazillions of shows that i've recorded over e weeks
and then met the bear-friend-cum-gay.got spotted by cousin.who threatened to complain to mummy.chilled at tcc.took neoprints with me looking ghastly as usual. checked out guys at num.
it's been long since i roamed orchard with friends.

late night of mapling.msn chats.blog surfing.tv watching.
ah.precious weekends.
bro back to melb fer his honeymoon. haha.he was back but not really back. because i think he spent most of his time out with someone.haha.although it was still nice to have someone to play maple with.
today i realise i may b a paedophile.
i m in love with two little guys whom i think are very adorable n good looking
hahaha then again, i may also b a bi, since i also like this little girl whom i think is so cute

so in the future i will marry a guy 15 yrs younger than me n then maybe i will have a few kids n hopefully they are cute.since i m a paedophile.must have kids to play with me.
haha
sounds morbid.slap yourself twice if u believe me.
although after watching this reality show yesterday abt what happens to women after they gave birth is giving me second thoughts. stuff like ugly stretch marks on e tummy to balloning frm 45- 90 kg.uh-oh.

today i have cravings for
bah kwa.haha

time is really flying by.mid july alr!!
cherish the remaining days of hols!!
i m counting down the days alr=( =) (mixed emotions)

happy birthday to debra!!

i think i've come too far to change my mind
not that i have regrets
one should never look back anyway
life's back to normal n i am fine with the way it is
stress-free at the moment.
nothing to feel sad about.
nothing to feel happy about.

the only thing i enjoy is-eating.

changi village nasi lemak aint that fantastic what.i think its over rated.
but well i do have cravings for
1)soup spoon--that mushroon thingy
2)pasta-those creamy type
3)steamboat
4)yong tau foo
5)fastfood.

of course.when girls start eating.they put on weight.
haha.

no work tmr=)
which explains y i am still online
half day on tue cos i have to go sch=)
ok its july already. one day zoom pass really fast
before i know it, aug will b here
excitment,apprehension...mixed emotions basically.in some way,i cant wait to get away frm life here,yet on e other hand, there is still e fear n inertia in me.
well at least work keeps me from thinking abt anything
so in a way, life is happier.haha
accompanied a friend to shop today.conquered orchard. i realised today. gasp!its not easy to buy guy's clothes too. esp since i have nvr bought any clothes fer guys b4.n my fashion sense is quite bad apparently. so hopefully when he wears e shirts no one give really bad comments.
n i'll b glad already since this is honestly the 1st time i shop fer guy's stuff

bleah
haven done anything fun/exciting these days=(
except playing with monsters. hahaa

hello!
back! its friday! haha
some of u are quite curious abt what i am working as,
well i am the cai fan stall helper, meaning i help to cook and i get paid 8 per hour,yesterday i cooked curry chicken and pork chop
HAHAHHAHA ok if u believed the above.. i will faint

anyway work is fun though tiring
i could really bang the wall sometimes but its good to work cos it means i dont shop or waste $

anyway to divert
M)phosis has REALLY BAD SERVICE. and i realise their clothes are LOUSY. haha bad experiences from there so i doubt i will go there anymore

weekends=)

just a quick update
i am still alive
sleeping less than my usual amount
since bro is back home albeit not at home most of the time due to reasons which cannot be divulged.
i dunno if i should feel happy for him
i think i have become very cynical about stuff
this wk in brief
changi airport,sentosa,mango sales(mummy's e best!)
anyhow
will be starting WORK next week...till e end of hols. till the time i leave this sad place...
bye bye hols. no more going out n slacking=(

and to the whole world out there:stop asking me about stuff
my answer will still be:don't ask

如果难过请你忘了我

these days
i feel insignificant
and tired of e facade that i have to put up

with a coconut at glutton's bay

today i discovered lotsa exciting stuff
one is this cool gallileo thermometer at city link which took me 5 min to figure how it works
another was at esplanade. theres this shop that allows u to make u own teddy bear!! basically u choose ur own teddy's skin n fill it with cotton using this machine.n then u can even choose clothes for it! the only bad thing is it cost 29.90. if not i would make a taptap bear. haha
and then theres e adidas shop that display soccer boots of different countries.

exciting day!

hah ok anyway i m gg mia.
i think i have said too much.

this is taptap

a happy girl in maple

laughing at herself

anyway maple aside

i've made 2 decisions recently

both are to leave

there isnt much to make me stay honestly..

so thats basically all i have to say

am i sad? not really.. in fact i am bemused by my own nonchalance.. hmm (*slap face*wake up!) haha

i never mentioned before that my endurance level was never high

i hate long-distance swimming n trainings

like y torture yourself so long anyway?

ok that aside

went sch to settle some stuff

ok i honestly do not see e fuss of that cheese prata

or mayb i went to e wrong stall..haha

`-`Even if the stars refuse to shine

I won't worry I won't see your face again`-`

courtesy of kai ling

haha

life's is never easy
somehow someday u will find yourself making important decisions
or facing things n problems that u have never experienced before

out with my favourite people today
i actually miss the carefree training days n years where we basically engage in more trivial n bimbotic conversations. these days.it seemed that we all have our own problem.job.work.studies.life.relationship.
we all have to grow up i guess

yesterday i was talking to e old buddy bird
n i promised him e nxt time if i get married he will be my best man. but then again i cant have a best man so i figure i will let him be e one who holds e part of e gown that drape on e floor. alternatively he can be my bridesmaid. i wouldnt mind really.
but e probablity of that happening is low bcos i think it will take me cows years to find e right one.
n then he promised i can be the one holding his suit(ya must make long long like gown like that) as he walks down e aisle with his bird sao. n i will ,of course make sure i pull it hard so that he falls. n then all e 6B people will scold him'ben dan'!

ha crap aside
n then i went home n got into a rather bad verbal exchange with my dad over flights tics n stuff. n then i got very disgusted n so here i am typing rubbish
i feel calmer now actually. after talking lots of rubbish to people online.

n then crys is helping me find a job. i dun really mind not working actually. because if i do. i wouldnt have time to go out. n then its e hols. how often in life do u get to relax like that?
but then again. since i m not rich. i wldnt mind some extra $. and it beats wasting time reading on how to be a lightning mage . haha

i have decided not to give myself more burden of the mind by not thinking of anything.
sleeping time=)

haha was looking at pics..this is uber-cute. i mean e one in e middle. i can hear her cussing @ me now! thanks babe anyway for e lovely flower=) 

no
kai Ling is still disgusted.
but i think i am lucky that i have these few really nice buddies n friends who have tried to make me feel better=)
some say my endurance level quite high. i think so too
maybe i must thank ricky' s n kang's training in e past.
maybe getting away will be a good time to sort things out with myself as well.



that aside
i have not been doing much recently
except.. spending money and going out. sleeping (at 1,waking up at 11)n eating well. some stuffs are not worth ur mind n energy.
people often speaks of feelings. like u ask someone. why he likes a girl. he says he dunno. n says'feelings lo'
to me. its just something that will come n go
just like any other things in e world
of course some love saints will beg to differ
but i m not in the mood for a debate

and then the thing abt shopping
is that my willpower has declined
but all in all. i have been spending lesser as compared to e past
n i try to tell myself that 'there are too many nice things in the world and one can never finsh buying them'
to stop myself frm buying stuff


anyway
i am not quite sure how i spend time. but somehow i always manage to find stuff to do every day.
world cup fever.. but i m surprisingly not interested in it. maybe i should lezrn frm crys or my jc class guys n start betting on soccer. like that i will watch it more.

that aside
bro's coming home
i hope i still have internet access
haha.if not. my night-time entertainment aka maple(yes that crap game la. cannot ah) will b gone. n i will have to resort to reading. hah or watching soccer!oooh

n hhaaha i brought taptap out fer a spin.ok no la. my mum n i went out. i just took taptap to e car
it sure was fun dodging weird glances frm neighbours

haha
a random post with no connections cos i wrote them in btw 'resting' time in maple.

mayb i worry too much
mayb i think too much

these days i have been thinking too much

some stuff that used to matter alot. has lost its priority in my life

i am not being childish or practising self-denial when i say these

i have never been so clear n so awake than the past few days

like finally seeing where things are heading to

alot of things n decisions in life. u gotta figure out urself. i remember saying something abt hoping fer a special confidante in my life. true, i have many loved ones n close friends whom i am appreciative of. n i really mean it. but when it comes to alot of things.. i still pretty much feel that i am alone to face them myself
maybe thats how.one grows up. or learn to be independent

and the thing abt apologising and saying sorry
i find the phrase.'u can forgive but u can't forget' so true now
whats really the pt of saying sorry. esp one without sincerity
so i kill ur dog. and den i go 'oops sorry'
did u think it help? i think e damage has already been done


another post which leave u thinking.'wat the hell is she talking abt?don't make sense'. watever.

"If I could be like that

I would give anything

Just to live one day

In those shoes

If I could be like that

What would I do?"

i am contented to be me.

love me or hate me

it doesnt matter

the thing i hate abt people is that they dun have a style of dressing on their own
n the thing i hate most
is that people tell me.. oh go n follow xxx's style
u know what. i feel DISGUSTED n INSULTED
i think i am who i am
and if u like xxx's style so much
u are welcome to worship or embrace xxx
i don't need to be a clone or a faggot living in someone's else shadow

i can't help but laugh at myself
like this is the road i have chosen myself
n of course i must end it myself

i was wrong
i am not going to be a nun.or rather i do not wish to me one
i hate lonliness. this may sound so faggot-ish. but i realise. i hate night time. when i am alone lying in my bed.armed with only two teddies. i hate the silence.the darkness. or when i am walking at night. i hate it when its dark and quiet(not that i do walk like that. but i will just pass by some places like that)
n when i lie alone at night
i think n think about so many stuff. and it is so hard to fall asleep
and these days. it did not help i am going bonkus.seriously.
in the past. i do not ever confide in people. but these days, it seems i wish i had someone whom i can talk to, someone who will listen to my craps and someone who gives me advices, encouragment
some days
i wonder if its better to be normal and go with the flow or be different n go out of the box.sometimes i am contented with my average looks. average brains. average's the word.sometimes average isnt a bad thing isnt it.
sometimes
i think. that the more we think abt wanting something, the more we will not get it.
i actually thought of alot of stuff yesterday night before i sleep but i can't remember them.
anyway
these days. please ask me out. if i stay at home n think abt stuff i will really need to go to the asylum soom.
ok.
u know. i really don't know what i am getting at. i'll try to sleep well tonight. m not think of rubbish
tata

~here comes the rain again falling from the stars~

haiz
haven been blogging
its the hols but i feel troubled by stuffs.but i dont wish to talk abt it
n 1 month has crept by..
bleah
sure blog when i am in a better mood=)

too lazy to type
haha