Been keeping myself busy these days. In fact, ever since i ended exams last week, there hasnt been a single day i am at home. It's wakeup, go out, do report, sleep. In a way, it's good, because being out with people, being busy take my mind off a lot of things. Life isn't always as pretty as the way i try to paint it. There are many things that upset me that i wouldnt say, there are many things that i dislike that i would keep to myself.

Read the bimbi's blog. And i was actually pretty upset by the news he gave me about his popo. And i was just reminded of the times I spent in KL with his family. I didnt get the chance to talk to her much but i remember the first time we talked, she had to talk to me in Chinese because i didnt know cantonese. And then bimbi told me she likes to observe me at meal times and knows that i like char siew. I was a little surprised. Because even my mum doesnt know that.But it is little little things like these that i remember so vividly. Although i felt out of place being there because it was like a stranger appearing out of nowhere. I really didnt mind much at the end because i could see that at every family's dinner, everyone was happy.And I could tell that bimbi's presence made his popo and parents happy.

In a short span of a few months, many many things have changed. I am not too blind to know that many things would never be the same again and that some things will never materialize at the end of the day. But at the end of everything I am already thankful to have the chance to know everyone. And i know, i would look back and remember her and everything else in grace and beauty.

I have been doing a lot of random thinking about life these days.
Thus far, i think i have really tried my best to live and do things without regretting. For things i have no control over, I will just let them be. And i have pretty much learn to let go when the time calls for it. I wrote a msg to a friend, who was upset at what i wrote. And after reading his reply, i cried too. Everything just seems so real. And i was sad because i knew that it was something i had to or will have to do. But i know i can say this in pride - i have been there, done what i could and really, i have no regrets for everything. And i am gg to learn from Poei- to not let anything get me down.


And just the other day, joined a discussion with two of the professors and my post grad students. Apparently they were trying to send this paper on the project i am doing for publication in some journal. Somehow, i became a co-author. But for the 1st time, i felt really dumb and small. The ways thing have been recently, they just made me realise that many a times, there are many things i wish i could do but couldnt. There was more i know i could do but wasn't able to.

Today. Was not too bad. Had ktv with poei then went swimming with Poei. The 2 things i always wanted to do.Yup, bimbo taptap swims. Did a 1k swim, to my own surprise. I know i look like some skinny and frail girl now. And i agree i am a far cry from the swimmer-self i was a few years back.
Didnt think i could make it that far myself. But Some things, i guess you would never lose them.
I really love this fatigue i am feeling right now. It's been a while.

Ok back to more writing. i am only on page 16. Screw this. I feel so useless.
On a lighter note, Xmas is round the corner. Such a joyous festival. The only thing is that i have done 0% of xmas shopping, yes i haven even bought the cards. And there are many many presents to buy.sigh.