another party..which lasted till quite late.. seriously.i dun like party. i dun see whats so fun abt drinking,dancing,doing craxzy stuff. caucasians can really drink.really well. even the girls. i dont think i m going for any party anymore. i know i said that last time. but i mean it this time.haha but its like u gotta see some things for experience and some sorta eye opener..its like going clubbing. so american(or scottish) parties confirm the fact that kailing will nvr love clubbing.
and i m gonna mugg fer the rest of the sem.
the next time,i'll post pics of my studying in my room

cherry;cherry&rossa;randompple;adwoa(from uni of birmingham.jiawei!!!;maria n ivie;rossa;lando;food;maria



some international thing today
ahhh we had a tug of war..asian vs the rest of the world..and asians lost! boo hoo

i miss mummy,tap tap n lala=(

so this goes down the history book
kai ling did salsa dancing today
well..ok if u consider walking around counting the step, being out of the beat with every other person salsa dancing
well kai ling is lucky she did not step on any of the guy's feet. but they were pretty nice actually n cool about kailing the klutz telling me its alright. but i bet deep dpwn they must be thinking:what the hell is she doing
haha
anyway
it was quite fun
the nxt time, i m gonna find a guy friend/boyfriend/guy partner to go for dance classes with. like that i wont embarrass myself. no scratch that.make that a guy friend/boyfriend/ guy partner who won't mind kailing the klutz
like i say
big bear can't dance
i spend half of my life in the water not on dance
i'm sure i'll do better at water aerobics

friday!whee
ok every now n then i still think abt home.. now i finally know how it feels to be studying abroad.not easy huh..
n kai ling is going salsa dancing later..lol
now.bears cant dance right?

ok my classes are not cool.i hope i can survive=(
but i love meals at iowa
its buffet style
n i lunch with random people.today was with a bunch of international student. theres this chinese guy who's from mauritius. i nvr knew there were chinese there.hah bimbo?
some days i just lunch alone because i just cant b bothered.
haha
anyway
today i receive this box frm my mail
instinctively, i put in close to my ear and listen for any ticking sound.haha not a very smart move since if it was a bomb i would have die faster like that
turns off to b a package frm the bank la. hahahah
n mum just told me.my phone bill for the month is 100 plus!!!!!!!! now. thats really bad

i am working with this teaching assistant at iowa who graduated from MIT in chem eng for one of my module's assignment. the problem now is. he doesnt know how to integrate and i don't as well because i left my maths note at home. MIT huh.sigh.help.
the nightmare begins

i might as well post more
so yea bad day. i just sat n cry for like 5-10 min and den i called home and den somehow.theres some internet now.
more abt life here
classes has started
feels more like tutorial rather than lectures
the style of learning and teaching is really different here. the grading system is also very different.theres no bell curve.but straight grading. so maybe the gd thing is that it will be less competitive and people will be more wiling to help one another
had some kinda picnic today but i left early because i was feeling so upset over my laptop.
hmm but i guess i will get used to life alone
it has always been so hasnt it.
haha
and ok i have only 2 finals exams. haha. not sure if thats a gd thing
got to know this mexico girl(maria) and some other pple from malaysia.
there's some kinda road trip to minneapolis and maria Might be planning to go to new york for thanksgiving
i dunno if i shd go..haha
haven really study much.since its e second day. but i guess..i have so much time that i'll just end up mugging.
once a mugger always a mugger

stupid pics i have taken
not really interesting 

today i just came back to my room n cried
because my internet would not work and the com centre people cant fix it
my friends cherry n maria(this mexico girl ) was very nice about it and tried comforting me. no i cried after they left actually
i miss mommy. i want to b back home
and then somehow
the internet works now.i m not sure how long.. but i have no anti virus software alr..
boo hoo hoo

back at com lab
waiting for maple to dl and falling asleep
weeekends..rather boring here..
as for fun. i'll leave that to the next few months. i am suddenly tired.
yesterday attended my 1st american party over at someone's apartment
of booze,music n drugs i heard. beacuse i left early. so typical of kai ling.
but met some nicer and less wild people. like this girl from mexico and another one from finland.
but being a mummy's girl, kailing returned back to her room before 10.30pm
now..thats more cinderella than cinderella.haha
and kailing is now known as kylie,kelly,caitlin etc because i give up pronouncing my chinese name.haha kylie poh kailing,kelly poh.tappy poh. i think tappy sounds better
to divert
the pple i've talked to..they are all from this society of engineers thing that i am in as well..and they all want to b engineer. honestly. i stilll don't know what i want to be when i graduate.i'm a little obfuscated about what i want in life actually.
sometimes i feel like my heart is dead. or tired. like nothing really interest me.and i just want to lead a simple life. and i don't have the passion to do alot of things. even towards relationship of any kind. i have no interest and hobbies. its like the character i am in in maple. who goes around alone doing her own stuff. no zest.no passion.only a piece of stone in me.
haha
anyway back to reality
the weather here's really erratic.somedays its freezing cold and other day its so hot. like worse than singapore.i would say the weather is as erratic as my mood.

shall end off here b4 u guys think i am crazy or depress. i m fine.just not my day today

today i woke up
and suddenly i felt sad
like reality overcoming me suddenly
suddenly i started feeling homesick n missing everyone. n mourning over my laptop n the internet.
talking to people on msn
i suddenly felt sad n far away from everyone

haiz
lunch followed by some orientation stuff.
take carez all

ur dearest
morbibd kailing

my dam laptop is giving me problems and i cant get internet
so i sent it to the com centre and i think they wun know how to solve it as well
sian!
been out of touch with pple back home
but i din miss anyone(just joking la!) well in e sense that the 1st 2 days i came i was really sad and kept thinking abt everyone back there.but nowadays i feel better alr.
haha cos the days are all so packed and busy
doing admin stuff...shopping.walking ard.parties.meeting.crap. somedays i just feel like stoning in my room actually. i cant wait to start sch n to mugg! hahaha
checked out the mall
there's gap.american eagle.vic secret.aeropostale
bought lotsa stuff
no.i am not bringing nice stuff for u all beacuse the luggage wun have space
so its tampons for the girls( 1 each only) and gums for the guys( 2 each)
LOL!
took some pic but i think i will never get the chance to upload them cos of the dam internet.sob
anyway theres lotsa free food everyday
and watch me come back pui pui ok.
i've moved to my room alr. theres a phone but i dunno how to use it
but anyway i have no idea what is this post all about
my thoughts are jumbled up.

i want my laptop n internet.=(

wee
did anyone miss me?
i'm quite lazy to update about stuff because there are simply too many things to talk about..everything's so different here.
the people i've met so far are great..the americans.asians..etc...they are really helpful and friendly. there are quite alot of asians here so i dont feel that weird
anyhow
these few days are mad rush for orientation programms..which are boring.. but the people at the uni are REally nice to international students.they have a whole loads of programms and meetings,lunchs etc to help u know the place n people better. got free lunch today at some church.wee free! haha
shopped at walmart yesterday.bought this tshirt at 3usd only.. haha walmart stuff are REALLY cheap.. like snickers here are 44 cents in usd.i was so exhilarated to see the chewing gums until i realise i have braces.the gums here are cool.like m&m kind.ha i think i'm gonna to be happy just shopping there. there are soo many food that are interesting over here. everything's is like cheaper then singapore(except textbook. i bought one at 110usd!!luckily i got the rest of the text alr... sigh but i am worried for one of the modules which seem pretty cheem..=( and oh the PDC text we use last sem is like 100USD. u go do the maths. 1usd=1.56 sing dollar). i love walmart anyway. haha and its really near the school.i'll check out the mall n k mart next.
i got lost yesterday! scary scary. and was alone. but managed to find my way. luckily. its summer now and the day's really long. the sky's bright from 6 in the morning to almost 9 at night!
oh and my time table are
mon.wed.fri :11am to 3pm
tue and thur : 9am-2pm
ok i got too many things to say..too little time
really hard to contact u guys here in singapore because i still haven move in to my room.so no laptop set up yet and the time difference is bad. its like 5.49pm here. and i think its 6.49am in singapore. no one on msn. haha
oh well..shall end off here...
p.s:weiyi :i received ur sms. not sure if i can reply cos i m not sure how much it will cost.
and to everyone else.. thanks for words of comfort. i keep telling everyone to bring me home..oh well..i'll learn to be strong. and hope for the best
take care all.. =)
i love u guys.

ha and kailing has arrived at the university
no internet yet.using someone's else who kindly signed in for new students

life alone,out of comfort zone beckons

n so this is it
leaving for airport in 1 hrs time
cant sleep
these days. sometimes i just cry a little alone. fear.apprehension.confusion.mixed feeling.sadness
i'll miss everyone of u here.i'll miss papa n mama. how to survive without taptap n lala.boo hoo
take carez all my dear friends
thanks for all e meet up n gifts
i'll be back soon
n will update as soon as i have connection there.

sometimes i wonder
if leaving or being left behind worse
on one hand. i am excited. yet there's still the apprehension and sadness in me. there are some things i still cannot bear to leave behind
and i really hope everything runs smootly.sometimes being paranoid n pessimistic gets one prepared i guess.
the past two weeks flew by.
got to get out now.
will continue tonight. its hard falling asleep these days with so many things going through my head.=/

waiting for some maple patch to load
might as well type some crap

these few days have been rather emotional. feeling depressed at times, making myself feel better at times.
well its nice to have friends around me
the bird for the magic keychain today..thanks ah.was quite touched n surprised. it sure was tiring shopping for the old time buddy shiwei's present. but i think it was quite fun. anyway shiwei, we got u superman walkie talkie. they r 2 walkie talkie of a superman model.hahaha
u know sometimes i really think small presents are enough to make me happy(of couse i won't mind an expensive n big presenthaha)..its really the thoughts that count. there's no such things in e world as 'i don't know what to buy so i never buy anything''
seriously if a person tells u that. it shows enough about how much he/she values the friendship.
well its all in e past anyway. we will all move on

and then a couple of my friends offered to send me off. i think by now
those who truly cared would have known or ask me abt my flight. thanks everyone for the offer to send me off..but u guys don;t have to. SERIOUSLY.i'll feel bad making u all come at those unearthly hours
theres another uni classmate of mine who offered to help me check out books. thanks alot dude
and sheryl my jc morning friend where we spent the morning before flag raising talking about rubbish,stoning in e cold lts,looking at guys who made the effort to meet up..too bad kl dun club so she can't go mos.
and the list goes on
people who bothered. n cared.

anyway
i supposedly cut my hair yesterday by a laobeng with long hair. i don't usually fancy guys with long hair because most do not look good in it.well except the 5566 show where there's a rather cute guy with rather nice hair.
anyway laobeng cos just laobeng la. long curly hair with those golden colour dye
all this because my usual stylist,a younger beng has moved on to another branch to work. haha

and anyway i may have discovered why i am so ghastly looking
a blood test shows i do not have enough blood! i m serious. near anemic
pig liver anyone?

i've got a terible confession
i made a mistake abt my flight n told everyone e wrong date=/

1 week arghhhhhhh

was at a uni classmate 21st bday thingy today
happy birthday lisa!
feels a little weird to tell people see ya next yr
feels a little long but actually its just 4-5 mths
i'll be back in a jiffy.haha
anyhow was looking at my textbooks
they don't seem very friendly=/

sigh
more shopping tmr
my right ankle actually hurt these days
i don't know if it's due to having sprained it once b4
or is it due to 10 craps years of swimming
that whenever i walked too much
it starts to hurt

1 week till hols end....ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

these few days have been a hectic ones
going to nus,ntu n clementi,orchard to look for textbooks, jabs,laptop servicing,buying necessities
night time are spent on maple but of course. haha doing brainless stuff instead of levelling up
and tomorrow i still have to make my way to nus..grrr
speaking of ntu. the sch's rather huge. but i managed to walk frm engineering to business, where popular is. was a tiring walk but the sch was rather vacant n quiet.
nus. is rather vibrant these days thanks to various ongoing orientation crap
sorry but i just tend to frown upon these OGs and orientation stuff like dancing,cheering
but anyway thats a personal thing
i just feel its rather redundant
but of course. u may beg to differ.
which makes me wonder
how do i get thru the orientation thing at iowa?

and anyway 1 more week
shd i be excited? haha
nxt wk will b spend packing n packing plus
a couple of bdays parties
dinners with friends
thats about it

but theres one HUGE question
how do i fit taptap into the luggage?

conquered ntu today
walked a thousand miles

and now
finally
to get some packing done...

from bedok to nus to clementi to indian shop
ntu tmr
this is how i waste my days
no prize for guessing correctly
what i've been doing

10 days..
time really fly by without u knowing
may,june,july. i can't remember how i spent the hols
was touched by crys n xh's offer to send me off.. since the flight is at unearthly hours
haha but u guys dun have to=)
wait i cry n refuse to get on the plane how!?
n thanks to aloy..for taking leave yesterday=)
n crys for the teddy bear earrings.. I'll wear it. hah!
n sharon.have a great trip to perth!

more pics
just don't feel like sleeping early today
--couting down the days-- 

will miss u all=( 

today my darling boy told me he got scratched by durian cos he ran into them.. haha so poor thing right? but i kept laughing..hahaha no la. if i were there i would scold e durian seller or haul one durian at him. and then he knocked his head into someone in sch. so it was red. and when i asked him when he knock his head. he told me from ubi to bedok... haha so cute!! i don't know what he was talking abt.
anyway
my last day at work
bade a tearful farwell to him
my other darling was sick.. boo hoo hoo..i cldnt even terrorise him for one last time



so many things to buy n do
haiz
i feel the same old dread creeping in
which occurs towards e end of hols
=(

14 days
i haven start packing. in fact i have not bought my luaggage. haha. maybe i am waiting for night of the 11th and then i will start panicking n packing.u know. some sort of cheap thrill.. =/

work will end nxt week.
sigh.i'll miss my 2 boys..=(
they have made my days really happy=)
i haven smile so much than e past 5 weeks.
no wonder they say kids are a bundle of joy.actually. i think i m in love with a 3rd boy. haha frivolous indeed.
no to mention, i'm an extremely bias person who practise favourism.they get better treatment n presents. i am only nice to people i like.

i really wonder how they will all grow up to be
on the other hand, i may be somewhat pyschotic n sometimes i enjoy making kids cry. hahaha.i was joking.

these 5 weeks have been great.really.honestly.living in a world of innocence and free of facade,complicated relationship. i simply dread the day i have to go back to nus.it's like an antithesis of my life right now. of ugly and unhappy days.of people u don't really want to see but have to.

anyhow
got so much stuff to settle and do
must TRY to meet up with friends.
lotsa friends' 21st on the way. i'll be celebrating mine in e cold winter of iowa. haha. no fear. i'll build a snowman for myself. or find myself a farm boy. hahaha
-tako pachi.tori Q. -

buddy time
the bird was shopping fer his daughter.
i was shopping for my boy
e bird looks tanner n better
while the bear is still as ghastly as ever 

and then the hermit life begins.e phone is down. msn are for weird hours with no one there.
i attribute this to surfing too much nus website.looking @ cors crap.which occurs at the twilight of my three months of lovely holidays.

i know of only one fellow RJ hero enterting chem eng. e one who commented he will b there to increase the no. of cute guys in chem eng =.= haha
of course. happy babe and hunk watching everyone
new sem marks a new facade. which manifest itself in orientation. (orientation camps are a big no-no haha)
everyone is nice. guys and girls check out each other. haha.
and excitment soon retreats into dread

'They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor'
''lifehouse----blind''

haha i sound so morbid
ok anyway that aside
its monday tmr=)
looking forward to my 2 eye candies. haha
see yer all nxt wk=)

party today
food food food
pretty kids in pretty customes
i am so in love with my two little boys;P
if i have kids like them i will love them to death
i only manage to get the photo of one of them. so cute!
i m very sure i want kids next time. if not my own kids, i'll adopt.haha

on e other hand
hols are ending because cors is starting.
somehow hols is like a dream. all rainbows n butterflies. no stress.no late night of mugging.feeling tired.wanting to sleep but not being able to due to endless schwork.no drooling on textbooks.gg out with friends. wasting time on trivial stuff.shopping.eating. watever
n pretty soon
we will all go back to reality.sighz

shopping!
saw a very nice mini skirt today but decided against buying it because my thighs are too fat for it. sob! it was those kind of skirt i always wanted to buy=(
n then i spent alot on facial products.sigh.
its hard being a girl. in e sense.i think girls in general have more to spend on as compared to guys.from hair products.to facial products.some have to spend on makeup. and then there r the never ending amount of uber nice clothes n shoes to buy.accessories.earrings. chains.cute stuff.
of course maybe for some guys, they spend alot.because they have to spend on the girlfriend. *cough*(like e one in melb)hahaha. and then there are some vain ones like lala. hahaha

but for people like me. i have less to spend on.since no matter how much money i spent. i'll still look like a witch. hahaha.but i have to spend the minimal so that i do not become the ugliest of the witch. haha sounds very morbid again.

whatever
monday blues!!!!!!!!
see yer all next week!

hmm a relaxing day today
spent e morning watching tons and gazillions of shows that i've recorded over e weeks
and then met the bear-friend-cum-gay.got spotted by cousin.who threatened to complain to mummy.chilled at tcc.took neoprints with me looking ghastly as usual. checked out guys at num.
it's been long since i roamed orchard with friends.

late night of mapling.msn chats.blog surfing.tv watching.
ah.precious weekends.
bro back to melb fer his honeymoon. haha.he was back but not really back. because i think he spent most of his time out with someone.haha.although it was still nice to have someone to play maple with.
today i realise i may b a paedophile.
i m in love with two little guys whom i think are very adorable n good looking
hahaha then again, i may also b a bi, since i also like this little girl whom i think is so cute

so in the future i will marry a guy 15 yrs younger than me n then maybe i will have a few kids n hopefully they are cute.since i m a paedophile.must have kids to play with me.
haha
sounds morbid.slap yourself twice if u believe me.
although after watching this reality show yesterday abt what happens to women after they gave birth is giving me second thoughts. stuff like ugly stretch marks on e tummy to balloning frm 45- 90 kg.uh-oh.

today i have cravings for
bah kwa.haha

time is really flying by.mid july alr!!
cherish the remaining days of hols!!
i m counting down the days alr=( =) (mixed emotions)

happy birthday to debra!!

i think i've come too far to change my mind
not that i have regrets
one should never look back anyway
life's back to normal n i am fine with the way it is
stress-free at the moment.
nothing to feel sad about.
nothing to feel happy about.

the only thing i enjoy is-eating.

changi village nasi lemak aint that fantastic what.i think its over rated.
but well i do have cravings for
1)soup spoon--that mushroon thingy
2)pasta-those creamy type
3)steamboat
4)yong tau foo
5)fastfood.

of course.when girls start eating.they put on weight.
haha.

no work tmr=)
which explains y i am still online
half day on tue cos i have to go sch=)
ok its july already. one day zoom pass really fast
before i know it, aug will b here
excitment,apprehension...mixed emotions basically.in some way,i cant wait to get away frm life here,yet on e other hand, there is still e fear n inertia in me.
well at least work keeps me from thinking abt anything
so in a way, life is happier.haha
accompanied a friend to shop today.conquered orchard. i realised today. gasp!its not easy to buy guy's clothes too. esp since i have nvr bought any clothes fer guys b4.n my fashion sense is quite bad apparently. so hopefully when he wears e shirts no one give really bad comments.
n i'll b glad already since this is honestly the 1st time i shop fer guy's stuff

bleah
haven done anything fun/exciting these days=(
except playing with monsters. hahaa

hello!
back! its friday! haha
some of u are quite curious abt what i am working as,
well i am the cai fan stall helper, meaning i help to cook and i get paid 8 per hour,yesterday i cooked curry chicken and pork chop
HAHAHHAHA ok if u believed the above.. i will faint

anyway work is fun though tiring
i could really bang the wall sometimes but its good to work cos it means i dont shop or waste $

anyway to divert
M)phosis has REALLY BAD SERVICE. and i realise their clothes are LOUSY. haha bad experiences from there so i doubt i will go there anymore

weekends=)

just a quick update
i am still alive
sleeping less than my usual amount
since bro is back home albeit not at home most of the time due to reasons which cannot be divulged.
i dunno if i should feel happy for him
i think i have become very cynical about stuff
this wk in brief
changi airport,sentosa,mango sales(mummy's e best!)
anyhow
will be starting WORK next week...till e end of hols. till the time i leave this sad place...
bye bye hols. no more going out n slacking=(

and to the whole world out there:stop asking me about stuff
my answer will still be:don't ask

如果难过请你忘了我

these days
i feel insignificant
and tired of e facade that i have to put up

with a coconut at glutton's bay

today i discovered lotsa exciting stuff
one is this cool gallileo thermometer at city link which took me 5 min to figure how it works
another was at esplanade. theres this shop that allows u to make u own teddy bear!! basically u choose ur own teddy's skin n fill it with cotton using this machine.n then u can even choose clothes for it! the only bad thing is it cost 29.90. if not i would make a taptap bear. haha
and then theres e adidas shop that display soccer boots of different countries.

exciting day!

hah ok anyway i m gg mia.
i think i have said too much.

this is taptap

a happy girl in maple

laughing at herself

anyway maple aside

i've made 2 decisions recently

both are to leave

there isnt much to make me stay honestly..

so thats basically all i have to say

am i sad? not really.. in fact i am bemused by my own nonchalance.. hmm (*slap face*wake up!) haha

i never mentioned before that my endurance level was never high

i hate long-distance swimming n trainings

like y torture yourself so long anyway?

ok that aside

went sch to settle some stuff

ok i honestly do not see e fuss of that cheese prata

or mayb i went to e wrong stall..haha

`-`Even if the stars refuse to shine

I won't worry I won't see your face again`-`

courtesy of kai ling

haha

life's is never easy
somehow someday u will find yourself making important decisions
or facing things n problems that u have never experienced before

out with my favourite people today
i actually miss the carefree training days n years where we basically engage in more trivial n bimbotic conversations. these days.it seemed that we all have our own problem.job.work.studies.life.relationship.
we all have to grow up i guess

yesterday i was talking to e old buddy bird
n i promised him e nxt time if i get married he will be my best man. but then again i cant have a best man so i figure i will let him be e one who holds e part of e gown that drape on e floor. alternatively he can be my bridesmaid. i wouldnt mind really.
but e probablity of that happening is low bcos i think it will take me cows years to find e right one.
n then he promised i can be the one holding his suit(ya must make long long like gown like that) as he walks down e aisle with his bird sao. n i will ,of course make sure i pull it hard so that he falls. n then all e 6B people will scold him'ben dan'!

ha crap aside
n then i went home n got into a rather bad verbal exchange with my dad over flights tics n stuff. n then i got very disgusted n so here i am typing rubbish
i feel calmer now actually. after talking lots of rubbish to people online.

n then crys is helping me find a job. i dun really mind not working actually. because if i do. i wouldnt have time to go out. n then its e hols. how often in life do u get to relax like that?
but then again. since i m not rich. i wldnt mind some extra $. and it beats wasting time reading on how to be a lightning mage . haha

i have decided not to give myself more burden of the mind by not thinking of anything.
sleeping time=)

haha was looking at pics..this is uber-cute. i mean e one in e middle. i can hear her cussing @ me now! thanks babe anyway for e lovely flower=) 

no
kai Ling is still disgusted.
but i think i am lucky that i have these few really nice buddies n friends who have tried to make me feel better=)
some say my endurance level quite high. i think so too
maybe i must thank ricky' s n kang's training in e past.
maybe getting away will be a good time to sort things out with myself as well.



that aside
i have not been doing much recently
except.. spending money and going out. sleeping (at 1,waking up at 11)n eating well. some stuffs are not worth ur mind n energy.
people often speaks of feelings. like u ask someone. why he likes a girl. he says he dunno. n says'feelings lo'
to me. its just something that will come n go
just like any other things in e world
of course some love saints will beg to differ
but i m not in the mood for a debate

and then the thing abt shopping
is that my willpower has declined
but all in all. i have been spending lesser as compared to e past
n i try to tell myself that 'there are too many nice things in the world and one can never finsh buying them'
to stop myself frm buying stuff


anyway
i am not quite sure how i spend time. but somehow i always manage to find stuff to do every day.
world cup fever.. but i m surprisingly not interested in it. maybe i should lezrn frm crys or my jc class guys n start betting on soccer. like that i will watch it more.

that aside
bro's coming home
i hope i still have internet access
haha.if not. my night-time entertainment aka maple(yes that crap game la. cannot ah) will b gone. n i will have to resort to reading. hah or watching soccer!oooh

n hhaaha i brought taptap out fer a spin.ok no la. my mum n i went out. i just took taptap to e car
it sure was fun dodging weird glances frm neighbours

haha
a random post with no connections cos i wrote them in btw 'resting' time in maple.

mayb i worry too much
mayb i think too much

these days i have been thinking too much

some stuff that used to matter alot. has lost its priority in my life

i am not being childish or practising self-denial when i say these

i have never been so clear n so awake than the past few days

like finally seeing where things are heading to

alot of things n decisions in life. u gotta figure out urself. i remember saying something abt hoping fer a special confidante in my life. true, i have many loved ones n close friends whom i am appreciative of. n i really mean it. but when it comes to alot of things.. i still pretty much feel that i am alone to face them myself
maybe thats how.one grows up. or learn to be independent

and the thing abt apologising and saying sorry
i find the phrase.'u can forgive but u can't forget' so true now
whats really the pt of saying sorry. esp one without sincerity
so i kill ur dog. and den i go 'oops sorry'
did u think it help? i think e damage has already been done


another post which leave u thinking.'wat the hell is she talking abt?don't make sense'. watever.

"If I could be like that

I would give anything

Just to live one day

In those shoes

If I could be like that

What would I do?"

i am contented to be me.

love me or hate me

it doesnt matter

the thing i hate abt people is that they dun have a style of dressing on their own
n the thing i hate most
is that people tell me.. oh go n follow xxx's style
u know what. i feel DISGUSTED n INSULTED
i think i am who i am
and if u like xxx's style so much
u are welcome to worship or embrace xxx
i don't need to be a clone or a faggot living in someone's else shadow

i can't help but laugh at myself
like this is the road i have chosen myself
n of course i must end it myself

i was wrong
i am not going to be a nun.or rather i do not wish to me one
i hate lonliness. this may sound so faggot-ish. but i realise. i hate night time. when i am alone lying in my bed.armed with only two teddies. i hate the silence.the darkness. or when i am walking at night. i hate it when its dark and quiet(not that i do walk like that. but i will just pass by some places like that)
n when i lie alone at night
i think n think about so many stuff. and it is so hard to fall asleep
and these days. it did not help i am going bonkus.seriously.
in the past. i do not ever confide in people. but these days, it seems i wish i had someone whom i can talk to, someone who will listen to my craps and someone who gives me advices, encouragment
some days
i wonder if its better to be normal and go with the flow or be different n go out of the box.sometimes i am contented with my average looks. average brains. average's the word.sometimes average isnt a bad thing isnt it.
sometimes
i think. that the more we think abt wanting something, the more we will not get it.
i actually thought of alot of stuff yesterday night before i sleep but i can't remember them.
anyway
these days. please ask me out. if i stay at home n think abt stuff i will really need to go to the asylum soom.
ok.
u know. i really don't know what i am getting at. i'll try to sleep well tonight. m not think of rubbish
tata

~here comes the rain again falling from the stars~

haiz
haven been blogging
its the hols but i feel troubled by stuffs.but i dont wish to talk abt it
n 1 month has crept by..
bleah
sure blog when i am in a better mood=)

too lazy to type
haha 

comparison
it never cease to exist

kl 's discovery of the day: to sleep well,read wheres wally b4 u slp
xh chalet. struggled to keep myself awake till 4.
happy birthday. dun worry girl the chalet was great
n i had my own fun.
1)eating n eating.
2)pulling aloy shirt to torture him during night walk.. when all my beloved friends abandon me for their bf.*shake head*. tsktsk
3)bbq-ing satays. putting lotsa margarine onto all e bbq food. *evil laugh*
4)watching carrie. at 2am.freaking myself out
5)lying in e bed.listening to the snorings. which ranges from the sound of the engine of the motorcycle. to the opening of tap water.to deep rhythmic breathing sounds.

n now. back to more sleeping
~adieu to u~

bleah i finshed watching my da chang jin today
i don't sound happy because this means for the rest of the hols i'll be stoning in e morning. but i love the korean guy.haa
ok so today was results day
it was alright.... just like e previous few sem.
i am still doing nothing for the hols
i would stay at home the whole day if my mum would stop nagging at the stuffs i have to do for my visa n stuffs
i m still apprehensive.. sigh
but it seems most probably i may really be flying to iowa for my exchange prog.
n then i can start farming there n then when winter comes i can truly hibernate

that aside
this wk in short
met the bird on wed.bird is going on a honeymoon to europe with his bird sao!how fortunate!

met sharon n xh on thur to buy xh present.levis jeans n risis bracelet. n i am broke.
n xh's chalet tmr
maybe i can find some corner at the chalet to hide n stone too. but i'll make sure i appear at dinner time. haha
oh n if i really going to iowa. means i will not be spending my 21st birthday in singapore. means u all better send me my present there! ha no present means i m gonna detest u for the nxt 1 yr. haha ya. i rem presents.
bleah. who knows. i might change my mind. if i feel like it.

ok off to pack my bag. haha FOR the CHALET. n to zzzz. hopefully i get to slp tmr at the chalet.

okie.....really lazy to blog
lets see
life's pretty slow n lazy these days
haven really been going out but stoning n lazing ard at home mostly;
enjoying the twilight of peace n care-free-ness, for reasons known only to myself.haha

anyway
a 'class' photo of 6B taken last last wk , courtesy of serena:)
hehe lui n yj!!!(ya kill me;P)
heres wats left of e class @ 9plus.











ok the lazy one will be going mia from blogging once again. bleah

out with the girls again .ripped this off sharon's blog
pple who never fail to make me laugh n take my mind off stuffs
reminiscing abt old days of training,yr end trips. crushes.scandals.haiz
i realise. i was someone who just cared abt trainings back then.haha
ok aloy we missed ur company too
its still so funny to think abt how aloy bullied sharon last time. hehhe
stoning tmr finally. hibernation is here=)
n EXERICISNG TMR!!!

ok i m too lazy to post all e pics...............
my mum n auntie has taken over e desktop and i m back to my laptop
so no maple. i m left with looking at pics and crap websites i used to surf while studying.n eating popcorns n putting on more weight
oh and my eye is a little swollen. which is why i m at home.
being out the whole week. yakking away non stop. tired.
6b outing yesterday. hahahaha. WONDERful day ;)
and now
time for me to hiberbate again.
by nxt week i wld have reach a decision=)
take carez!

yummy yummy yummy 

ok anyway we cant see the maggie mee here. 

for aloy. the camera owner=) 

Pics! 

and then i forgot crys's classic statement yesterday
on seeing a bag, she said
"ay 440 dollars. quite cheap leh"
hahaha

tired day.
i feel glad to have friends around me. at least when i am out with them. i don't think so much.. just gonna let everything to fall into place itself. for those who don't understand..its ok. haha but having talked to many people online.. i think most of u know what i am getting at.
but i guess nxt week i'll be stoning at home n banging that wall at my fave corner of the house.

that aside. had a nice day out with the acksx. oh i cut my hair short until its as short as a guy's hair.*roll eyes* joking la!! hahahha its still e same old boring ghost hair style la.
Crys PERMED her hair n it's now as delicious as magggie mee
Xh rebonded her hair. n she's now guai n demure once again
sharon is 3mth pregnant with kids. haha joking k babe!u look great.
aloy. is still.aloy. so VAIN.
n kl is still kl. the zombie. OH AND EVERYONE SAYS I PUT ON WEIGHT!!!!!
took pics....... will post them soon once i get them from aloy. n then we will all sit n laugh at cry's hair. hahahha. ok la.it aint that bad. i was exaggerating

but happiness is so fleeting isnt it.

slacking ard with the ah soh today
and then i walked aimlessly for i don't know how long around city hall.
yes i am troubled. and i need to find my answer
i really hate making decisions
i realise. even though i am stoning. i am not thinking.my blank is a blank actually.

SIGH

ice cream coffee kaya toast
i feel fat
bird i demand a uzap .
haha
i think alot of friends are actually pretty nice girlfriends n boyfriends
they think of what to buy n what to do for their bf/gf MONTHS before their actual birthday.

and ok. i m gonna buy that pair of wedges i saw today.haha
but ok la. this hols. i've been more thrifty. thanks to hibernation.
class outing at kopitiam k.haha

ok so this wk i will be coming out of hibernation n meeting up with friends
i dont want to think so much n make myself zombified
and then nxt week i'll get back to my wall at that favourite corner of the house
although i am actually not bored yet, despite hivbernating at home.surfing e net aimlessly,playing that maplegame,watching dumb shows. in fact i quite like being a cave woman.
MI3 today with little chi-hwa. very predictable plot.good guy is actually the bad guy. tom cruise will be hero no matter what. anyway little chi hwa is getting cuter. hahahaha.pls dun puke. hahhaa
anyway. i have to say going out with the lazy one here can be really boring
well.......u can't expect much from someone whose best friend is the wall at that corner of her house

a commendable fight
so close yet so far

maybe someone can give me an answer
else i will be sitting at one corner of the house for the nxt few days thinking n pondering and no answer will come out of it
i've been sitting in front of the comp listening to melancholic songs for 1hr to make myself think better. befor that i have been killing fire boars in maple for 1hr, doing nothing but pressing the space bar and trying to find an answer.
life has its twists and turns
haiz

and 4 days later
i am still that stone
games.guys.shopping.clothes.food.sleep. tv.
are still unappealing to me.
*bang head*
not to mention obviously the lazy one has been ponning class outing.well it was to zouk. zouk n kailing are like a turtle and a dog. ??? whats e connection?? there's no connection. u bring her there, she will probably be hiding in one corner. gawking at hot n skimply dressed babes.haahaa.or she would have fainted from the smoke n loud music n the people dancing. not even the hottest hunk will attract me to go.

and that aside.

it will take alot of effort for the lazy one here to organise a 6b class outing. because smsing evryone will simply be too hectic .=P .but the lazy one will do something.once the ice melts and bears come out of hibernation

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
que sera sera

bleah

i m taking time off my games for the bird
WELCOME HOME BIRD*throws confetti*
the bird is back with 2 kids. called.bird junior 1 &2.he got married in michigan.. hahahahhaha


been just slacking ard..'recurperating' at home... each exam and semester in chem eng made me 10 yrs more haggard..by the time i graduate.i'll be 40 yr old auntie

back!
exmas are truly traumatising.....sighz.........
the nightmares.or equations n concepts.

being bothered by stuffs these days..........................sighz
hols are here finally.........
i think its high time i do something constructive like looking for a job....but before that...let me enjoy this pseudo peaceful and stress-free days of hibernation......just for a while more

sometimes i am deeply amused by myself...
when i see someone i know outside, be it my good friends, acquatainces,classmates or whatsoever.
my natural instinct is to hide.
today i saw a friend @ the train station. n instinctively i wanted to hide
after which i saw a classmate at marina square n instinctively i went to hide behind a wall. it must be the effect of mugging n hibernating too much

and once again. we bid farewell. as i embark on the journey of mugging n exams
am highly volatile these days
better left alone



This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Just one chance
Just one breath
----Far away--------
nothing beats the thrill of hearing the song u want to hear on the radio.yea cheap thrill.

life's so exciting these days.
so many exams so many tests so many assignment.
like being pushed to the limit. such great pleasure.
bleah
till then
take care!

2004 .2 crazy woemn.

2004













before braces
the one that left to melb. 

another horrendous day
n so
i am back with mr wall. my best companion. the one. i will bang my head with right now

hahaz.unglam photos war? 

i really hate this blog sometimes
it just serves to remind me of the times i felt bad n wrote unkind stuffs
and how i contradict myself again n again

like if i don't care i wouldnt b feeling this bad right?
so anyway it all boils down to learning to keep one's cool n emotions under control.
thats y i always think people like me should just stick with the wall.well at least the wall wont be angry if i want to bang my head against it. and i can scold the wall for all i like.
haa i am not making any sense simply because i am mentally drained. have not been really been sleeping well.yesterday when i closed my eyes. my mind filled itself with equations. from calculating some mass flux, the equations became some hybrid and agglomerate of rubbish transfer functions and equations on how long it takes to sleep. and then today i tried to scare my mum after i accidentally cut my knee. it wasnt a bad cut but she fussed over it. but i felt pretty sadist just staring at the cut n waiting for it to bleed...and henceforth no skirt(no bom bom thighs,haha) fer the week cos she poured some medicine over it. u know those yellow lotion blue lotion kinda stuff. pretty ugly. plus the cut itself.double yucky.
haha but all is fine .. i am not going bonkus. haha.just bleah. bland life n mugging period right now. makes me a dull and easily irritable person

just one word to desribe how i feel-->disgusted

i have seen the worst in things n people

Solitude is a freedom

and i shall not give any damn about anyone or anything from now onwards.

nothing is real in this world

why should i care
seriously why should i?

pple ard me turning 21
happy bday xm
crap.i cant believe i m gonna b 21 this year. i dont feel like i m that old. i still feel like i m 16. haha
but anyway i rule out possibility of any celebration
simply because. i have been skipping so many pple's birthday celebration,chalet.party etc
that i think as karma would have it. when i invite them they will go mia as well
haha


anyway
i m back at square one
feeling low down abt stuffs. no not him
i m just a little stressed by sch, weary abt stuffs
bleah

n i have infected an unfortunate friend of mine with this stoni-ness.haha
its just some kind of disease. u go around. staring into space. n a general apathy towards stuufs around

i think i m realli easily irritable these days
i attribute this to the fact that
every morning i get woken up thrice by 3 different alarms, at 7.30 8.30 n 9
n the reason why i am still allowing them to ring
is because i have no idea where those alarms are.
well at least in this way i will never b late for school

today on national geographic, they were showing crocodiles digging holes.
i want to dig a hole to hide too.

i went to sch late
cos i was home watching national geographic on penguines
i hate labs involving chemicals
5hrs of lab with toxic chemicals of horrendous smell aint fun.seriously

u know how sometimes
on mrt trains or bus u see someone u know. but don't want to talk to him/her lest there will b much awkwardness. n detest the thought of having to find some topics to talk abt
well it happenns to me before. or rather it always happen to me .today the actor n actress were a guy called BIG Q and a gal called little crys.
ha anyway to avoid having to talk to the person. u could
1) well PRETEND to be deeply engross with ur tutorials
2) u know she is goonna get off at the same stop. u know she is gonna take e same bus as u later on. so before the mrt reaches the stop. u walk away as far as possible first
3)of cos. act blur la. if suay suay she comes to talk to u. u say: oh i din recognise u so i din dare say hi.well. at least thats wat i said last time.
crys*cough.crys*cough.hahahaha

my unglam moment today
i tripped over e stairs n fell. *gasp*

met the girls for a quick lunch today.sharon is happily in love. ta da da da wee. haha
well
had to abandon them while they were deeply engrossed with this turn turn machine
nevertheless was great seeing them all again
and making plans for e hols
but till then. sighz. never ending work.

anyway to add to my list of annoying pple
---gals who hog the dressing room. so the sign says. max 3 piece allowed. so they take in 3 la. ya. den after parading fer some 5-10 min. they decide.uh oh dun fit ah. so they send the boyfriend to take the other sizez. meanwhile they continue parading in front of the mirror. and so some cow years later the guy returns with the other size. n this thing goes on for a few more cycle as she parades in n out with that stupid guy there taking sizes fer her.just buy it la. n parade at home with him. =.=
i m sorry but i m highly irritable these days. sighz

haven realllllli been blogging because i just don't have anything to blog abt
life's just like that
everyday i go sch. come home.do tutorial, sleep.thats all. nothing else. eat sleep study.
just that these days
there had been a few moments where i feel like tearing my tuorials n notes n textbk up
and also
my appetite is growing
seriously. why bother going on diet.eating is an enjoyment. sounds bad huh. like i m heading towards the path of being a fatty bombom.
happy weekend everyone
i'll be enjoying myself too
with 1 lab report.2-3 assignemenr. 4 to 5 tutorials. WEE!!! happy!! =/

i read with disgust abt a man who tortures cats by pressing at their eyes n hitting their heads till e eyes n nose started bleeding
well at least he went to jail

hate fags.freeloader.dsilike alot of irritating pple.e way they do stuffs.
i dunno y these days i find some pple a major turn off.

its funny how much i shop
yet i seriously cant find stuffs to wear. i m sick of my old dressing style n clothes
but am too lazy to revamp my wardrobe
n den there is no need to dress up in engineering anyway
and pple like me shd just wear hideous clothes \to make myself more hideous.

little things ,people n stuff that turn me off
1)well needless to say bloody- taxi drivers
2) bitting on an existing ulcer
3)well bloody braces.haha its like once i bang into a wall.i get ulcers. hmmm although why is it i keep banging into walls n cupboards n stuff is still an enigma
4)pple who tries too hard,who are just too un-real .some act cute.some act chio.some act cool
5)pple with bad breath. who yawn and open their mouth at u. try the mrt train with some old uncle in e morning. wa. can die. n can u imagine kissing someone with bad breath? if i have,tell me. i swear i will go to the dentist immediately.period.
6) knocking into stuufs.see 3.
7)gossips.malices. talking behing pple bad.though i m guilty of it. but. sumtimes. one should know e limits .u know some pple hee hee haha in front of u. den condemn u behind ur back. at least if i dun like a person. i dun put on a facade. i will show that i dun like them.
8) being interrupted when i m in e midst of studying. i swear i will throw my book at u. u see. i think i m getting violent. cannot cannot. must b more girly..hee hee hee.(ya right)

9)typing a long posts n losing it. i hope this doesnt happen today

well a bad day
was disturbed by the loud noise that came from downstairs.............i swear i would throw a bomn down if i had one
well. tryied blogging. typed a longlong post n then i lost it
so i m not gonna do it again


this funny johari thing seems to b e in thing now
http://kevan.org/johari?name=tappy

the thing i hate abt people is that they dun have a style of dressing on their own
n the thing i hate most
is that people tell me.. oh go n follow xxx's style
u know what. i feel DISGUSTED n INSULTED
i think i am who i am
and if u like xxx's style so much
u are welcome to worship or embrace xxx
i don't need to be a clone or a faggot living in someone's else shadow

and 4 days later
i am still that stone
games.guys.shopping.clothes.food.sleep. tv.
are still unappealing to me.
*bang head*


que sera sera

bleah

wee!!! blogger Is so Great!! they restored my deleted blog
just a few weeks ago i deleted my blog on impulse. lost all my old posts n entries and was feeling a little sad
so evryone.choose blogger. they r good. haha

ok now that i haf my old blog....so i m thinking
shd i blog here or at my new blog

haha
maybe i'll talk abt less private stuff here n penn my weird thoughts at my secret blog. haaaa oh no
where shd i blog
aniway i dun haf time to blog aniway
so i guess. i will blog here sumtimes
n when i feel like scolding pple or when i start being depress.i'll do it at the other one.
bleah

aniway
i m just happy i got all my posts back=)
u know in case when i go to tibet to meditate nxt time i can check back at my life now

well i m still alive
going thur the same crap of chem eng

hhh

i m through with a lot of stuffs
its just like dismantling a completed jigsaw puzzle
taking one pieces out each day


watever
gonna be on hiatus.
goodbye

suffocating frm the amt of stuffs to be done
ailenated from the world

crappy lab today
had my embarassing moment again
so it was filtration time
n i ws supposed to collect some slurry
den the tap was tight.after attempting to turn it fer quite some time. n den i lamented. 'aiyo.cannot turn.no strength". so the demonstrator heard me. n offered to help. but it was a rather embarrasing moment. cos after that. this other girl. who is much smaller size than me. turned it effortlessly. and after that. throughtout the whole demonstration. the demonstrator kept laughing at me.

no one is indispensable


sometimes. u just have to wait. for things to fall apart on its own

so the darlings went visiting
n i was stuck at home. trying to clear the pile of work that i have accumulated
and once again. i missed out on all e fun.
mum went to uncle's hse for visiting n a feast. there was sharkfin.fried rice.waffle.nasi lemak chicken wing.
n so. double bummer. the acksx couldnt come my hse. cos they will have no ang bows.since my parents were all out.n i cldnt go their hse. n i cldnt join the feast since it was a whole day affair. n i was left.feeling rather disgusted n sad at home. n it wasnt a really productive day bcos i spent a rather long time combing fer lost sheets of tutorials. n eventually i searched the dustbin n there it was..Ewwwww. n den i stuff myself with food while studying. n by dinner time. i almost feel like vomitting.Eww..just another disgusting day.


sighz..miss you guys...=(
i cant find my acksx ring too. bleahz.let me go comb the warzone-room again.

for entertaiment
http://www.youtube.com/
try memoirs of geisha-mad tv

other pretty nice stuffs i found online
but r a tad too revealing fer me












n now. its back to books. heat n mass transfer. how long does it take.to burn a house down. 

n so i was realli bored. and so i was browsing online
n found some of the stuffs i bought recently
haaaa=.=

n post chinese new yr blues still remains
last fri. i watched movie
this fri.i watch webcsat lectures
sighzz